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Jennybean18 · Aug 31, 2010, 09:21 AM

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, and I just don't feel anything for him anymore. When we make love I don't feel any passion or anything, it has been like this for quite some time. I don't feel that I love him, or that I really want to be with him, everything he does irritates me. We've tried to work through things but we're getting nowhere and he just doesn't seem to see it. I think he still loves me, because whenever I suggest a break he gets all upset and says he's doesn't feel any different towards me. We are engaged and I don't really want to marry him now either (we got engaged quite early on in the relationship.) I have recently started a new job and made lots of new friends I like to got out with clubbing etc, and I don't know if this may have something to do with it. There's just no excitement any more, I've though numerous times about breaking it off, but can't go through with because we've been together for so long. I don't want to hurt him but I feel stuck in a rut. Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

spitvenom · Aug 31, 2010, 09:24 AM

The longer you drag it out the more it is going to hurt him. I think you just need to be honest with him. Tell him exactly how you are feeling. It is the best thing you can do.

Jennybean18 · Aug 31, 2010, 09:41 AM

Thanks for your advice, I know it won't be easy, but I've tried to tell him before how I feel and then I can't do the crucial bit and actually break it off. I feel so awful for dragging it on and he thinks we're OK now. I know its selfish, I just don't know the best way to do it :(

spitvenom · Aug 31, 2010, 09:44 AM

It's like a band aid just rip it off all at once. It's going to hurt but it will be done.

Just Looking · Aug 31, 2010, 09:45 AM

You just need to be honest and do it. You aren't helping him any by pretending things are okay. He'll get upset and/or mad, but he'll get over it. The sooner you do it the sooner he can start to accept it's over and move on.

After 4 years, you owe it to him to be honest and have a conversation about it. On some level, he probably already has a clue.

slapshot_oi · Aug 31, 2010, 09:58 AM

Originally Posted by Jennybean18

I don't want to hurt him but I feel stuck in a rut. Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

People you love are going to hurt you and you are going to hurt people you love. It's inevitable. It's life.

Be 100% honest with him. Break up with him and tell him exactly why, and then go NC.

Good luck.

talaniman · Aug 31, 2010, 11:24 AM

Be honest, or stay miserable.

redrumx3 · Aug 31, 2010, 11:53 AM

I was just in a similar situation, my relationship was only one year but it was the same feeling. There was no love from me anymore. Although I cared about him, I didn't love him. It was hard, but the best thing I could have done was exactly what I did. I let him know how I was feeling, we took a "break" for about a week to see if my feelings changed. When they hadn't, and I realized I didn't even miss him, I broke it off with him. Of course it hurt to do it, and it hurt him to hear it and have it happen, but in the long run he deserves to be with someone who loves him as much as he loves them. He's called and texted, but I've stayed firm in my decision. He's not going to understand why or what he's done wrong, you can't explain to him that he will be happier in the long run because he will not agree to it. You just have to know deep down that it's what is best for your happiness and for his. Don't stay with him because you don't want to hurt him or you are afraid of what others will think. Ultimately it is your happiness that matters. If it means setting him free to find your happiness, then that's what it has to be. In the end, it will be what is best for both of you. If you've been feeling this way for some time now, it's not going to change.

Kitkat22 · Aug 31, 2010, 11:53 AM

The thrill is gone. Move on.

lamp_post · Aug 31, 2010, 11:59 AM

Yes I agree to the guys said. Be honest with him, what you disagree on. He may change or may not change. Time will tell. Sit down and discuss. Given time he will know that he will not be able to satisfy you anymore. Don't just break it up with him like that.

I'm exactly at the guy;s shoe where I was popped for the break after 4 years without knowing why then my girl gotten her a new guy and that made it worst. I am now having to go through all this and I think is unfair. So, try to make him understand again. Again, there is no true love and meant to be, only real love that requires hard work from both side.