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    kdice20's Avatar
    kdice20 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 24, 2011, 03:30 PM
    Do men come back after break up once they find themselves?
    So my boyfriend and I were together for 2 years, talked about marriage, children, I met his entire family plus extended family.. everything you could ask for in a relationship we had for a year and half. Then a dark day came and he told me that he wanted a break. It had nothing to do with me, but he was unsure about how he was feeling and didn't feel like he truly knew who he was. So we took a break, but it only lasted a week because he missed me too much, we were truly two peas in a pod best friends. So after that, for 6 months our relationship was a rollercoaster.. one week he's caring affectionate, tells me how much he missed me when we weren't together, then other times he would disappear for a week and come back like everything is OK. I knew that it wasn't, but I kept thinking give him his space and he'll eventually get out of the funk. Well, after our two year anniversary we broke up. Said that his head just isn't into being in a relationship right now and he needs to time to figure himself out. Its been almost 3 months that we have been apart. We've only talked twice and he suggested maybe hanging out. I said OK for now, but not sure if it's a good idea. His friends have told me that he misses me terribly and that he truly just needs time, there is no other girl or interest in other girls. What is best to do so that we may hopefully get back together?
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #2

    Mar 24, 2011, 03:38 PM

    Best thing to do, not live in the past, and accept that he has decided not to be with you. And move on with that idea. The other is to set for months or years hoping he will somehow come back.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #3

    Mar 24, 2011, 03:45 PM

    Do you really want to be in a yo-yo situation? How has that worked for you so far?

    The best thing is to date lots of guys and move on with your life.
    kdice20's Avatar
    kdice20 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Mar 24, 2011, 03:53 PM
    Comment on Fr_Chuck's post
    I know what you are saying, I think, move forward and if he comes back cool if not, then either way I moved on. I guess what I don't understand, being a female, is how can a guy let someone that he truly loves go and risk losing her forever? Then I wonder is this a common thing that guys go through?
    jakester's Avatar
    jakester Posts: 582, Reputation: 165
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    #5

    Mar 24, 2011, 04:00 PM

    Kdice - I think he may know that he's not into the relationship (for whatever reason) but afraid that if he leaves, he may be alone. Fear of being alone keeps most people in a relationship when they should've moved on long ago.

    It may be hard for you to think that he could just move on but you are not to blame for him moving on. Not everyone is right for each other and sometimes one of the two figures that out sooner than the other... or one has more courage to walk away than the other.

    I wouldn't try to work on keeping the relationship going... just do your best to walk way. Start by having NC and by treating the situation as if you have already moved on. You'll heal, don't worry. But you have to begin moving on for your sake.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #6

    Mar 24, 2011, 04:00 PM

    It seems to be a common thing with females who want to let the guy down easily (they think). Read some of the Relationship threads, and you'll see. Guys seem to be more "honest" by outright dumping the girl and immediately moving on.
    kdice20's Avatar
    kdice20 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Mar 24, 2011, 04:15 PM
    I do agree with what everyone is saying, either way I have to move on and if its meant to be it will happen. I guess my ultimate question is, has anyone heard of this before.. guys leaving to find themselves then coming back to girlfriend when time is right?
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #8

    Mar 24, 2011, 04:19 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by kdice20 View Post
    guys leaving to find themselves then coming back to girlfriend when time is right?
    It doesn't happen that way. The "time" is NEVER right. Too much water goes under the bridge, and the toothpaste can't be shoved back into the tube.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #9

    Mar 24, 2011, 07:53 PM

    People usually move on to better things after a proper healing, and his excuse of finding himself is used when they are to cowardly to just say they want to explore, and see what else is out there, but they stay in touch with the ex because they do get bored, or lonely and need an emotional tampon to ease the burden when things aren't working out the way they planned.

    Forget the crap his friends are feeding you, his action speak for themselves don't they? Cut your losses by cutting contact with him, and stop being so available for his BS.

    Its gals as well as guys who play this one foot in, and one foot out kind of game with the feelings of others, but its YOUR choice whether you allow it. So don't allow it!
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #10

    Mar 25, 2011, 12:06 AM

    Men,AND women 'leaving to find themselves' most often means I want out of this relationship-I want to see what else is out there-so I suggest you stop hoping for a happy everafter with this bloke.

    Once you make up your mind to truly move on yourself,I know you'll find that the world is full of interesting men who have no need to go of 'exploring'.
    martinizing2's Avatar
    martinizing2 Posts: 1,868, Reputation: 819
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    #11

    Mar 25, 2011, 01:02 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by kdice20 View Post
    I do agree with what everyone is saying, either way I have to move on and if its meant to be it will happen. I guess my ultimate question is, has anyone heard of this before..guys leaving to find themselves then coming back to girlfriend when time is right?
    I have heard of way much more leaving than coming back. In fact I cannot remember a "coming back when the time was right" at all.

    The story usually goes " I need space to find myself" or another story to
    Get away and chase other women.

    Then they usually get caught or just give 'em the old it's not you it's me.

    But no matter the story it is the signal of the end.

    And even though this is somewhat different , I think it is the end.
    You would best be bracing yourself for the end because I think it is almost here.
    jaysbee's Avatar
    jaysbee Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Mar 25, 2011, 04:38 AM
    Comment on kdice20's post
    Me and my boyfriend have been together 11 months I've moved away from my country to be with him and he's done this twice and every time he leaves I run after him and everything is fine recently he has done it he second time and now everything is rocky I've tried talking but nothing works I'm in the same situation but yess this is common in men I think they get scared that this is alll they will have
    Hope that was a little helpful
    confused5555's Avatar
    confused5555 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    Jul 31, 2012, 10:51 AM
    What do you do with my situation?

    We were together for two years have a child he has 1 of his own as well as I do too. He was in love with me changed for me stopped parting and drinking mind you he is 28. He worked and got wated and didn't come home, than the next day I picked him up from his moms house and he said he blacked out and his friend at work took him there because he lives close to his moms. When he came home Sunday he was being just really grumpy he used to drink a lot before me and changed for me and ourson. He said he can't do it anymoe and he is done we fought too much and all this and that. He says he does miss me but we are not meant to be, he is a stubborn person and so am I but I'm so hurt by this and have told him. We are supposed to talk tonight and I want to say everything I feel but I don't know why because he claims its over and he is done he can't do it this is what is right. He moved into his moms and now is working more and I don't know seems to not care does he or not?
    vecham's Avatar
    vecham Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Jul 31, 2012, 11:19 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by kdice20 View Post
    I know what you are saying, I think, move forward and if he comes back cool if not, then either way I moved on. I guess what I don't understand, being a female, is how can a guy let someone that he truly loves go and risk losing her forever? Then I wonder is this a common thing that guys go through?
    Is he a cancer? I have met a few cancer men that can't make up their minds... my guy is a cancer who always comes back. He has freak outs where he thinks he may not want to settle down but then realizes that he does. It's weird and heartbreaking when it happens and if that's what is up with you then you need to think long and hard about if you can deal with this on and off through out your life cause if you get back together that's probably what will happen.

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