I've been an idiot. I went out with a guy for 2 1/2 years and I split up with him after Christmas. A few days ago I realised how much I love him and sent a long message telling him so. Except he now has a new girlfriend which I didn't know about.
The weirdest thing is, *please note I am NOT racist myself* he is quite racist and she is Indian and her father is adamant that she will have an arranged marriage. Odd.

Anyway, he knows I have suicidal tendencies and he practically laughed at me for still loving him and was very abrupt with me and said he just doesn't care anymore. He promised we could always be friends and now it seems he's doing his very best to hurt me. It's working.

The fact that he knows I have attempted suicide in the past and he's rubbing this in my face hurts so much, because I almost feel as though he's trying to kill me himself. He can't have ever loved me or he would at least do his best to be gentle about it. I appreciate he wants his space and to enjoy his new girlfriend but it hurts so, so bad.

I don't know what to do :(

You broke up with him right, that's why you think you're an "idiot"... that's what I'm assuming... anyway, he's handling things the way he has to, you've hurt him, probably pretty bad... if he already has another girlfriend, then there's a high possibility it's a rebound. He's not trying to hurt you, he's trying to get over you.

And now, the more important part, you say you have suicidal tendencies... personally I don't think you could have any sort of healthy relationship with those sort of problems. I would advise you seek counseling. Nobody is worth killing yourself over, certainly not an ex. You told him how you feel, now give him the time and space to think about it.

And I'm going to tell you what someone told me after my ex broke up with me and days later started dating someone else (I believe they're still together, but that doesn't matter) your ex is with her to get a quick fix to get over you, so you can kind of feel good about that. But that's not the healthy way to get over someone, not only will he learn nothing, but he will probably end up hurting that girl.

Thank you for your reply.

The thing is, I don't think I did hurt him. I know him and I know he can't hide how he feels. And he didn't cry, didn't question why I was breaking up with him, he just got on with it. But right until the end of the relationship he was constantly telling me how he "couldn't live without me" and wanted to marry me! I just don't get it.

I just wish I'd have known he didn't really love me. It would have saved me a lot of pain :(

As for counseling, I did have some about a year ago for a few months but then I felt better... Yeah maybe I should go back.

Thanks again

You need to work on you right now, it doesn't sound like a relationship is in your best interest right now to be honest. If he has moved on, there is nothing you can really do about it. It seems you have some major depression issues if you are suicidal, and I think you really need to get somne help for that issue before you get involved with ANYONE. Trying to keep someone by threatining suicide is never a good idea, if anything it will just scare them away from you. He is in no way "trying to kill you" he has moved on from your break up, the one YOU decided on. I'm not sure how old you are, but you sound young. I think you need to talk to someone that can help you with your suicidal issues, and think a relationship is the last thing you need in your life right now. You really need to think about what you are doing and stop blaming him for your problems. I feel for you, and the last thing I want you to do is hurt yourself... but *SLAP* WAKE UP!! You are feeling lonely right now, it happens to the best of us, leave the guy alone and move on. I take it from your name that you are 17, so young... you don't need to put yourself through this kind of crap. Work on you first, when you have respect for yourself THEN AND ONLY THEN get a boyfriend.

You don't know what to do? If you really have such terrible thoughts about ending your life... get some help, like NOW. Wake your parents up NOW and talk to them about how you are feeling, or call a friend. You broke up with this guy for a reason, if he has moved on... I think you should do the same. Chin up, you are so young and have so much in front of you.

Trust me, you hurt him... he was trying not to let you see him sweat... everyone hurts after a break-up.

I think I feel like I need him because, to be honest, I've never really had any proper friends. I never go out because I'm scared of people and I'm so paranoid about everything. Chance would be a fine thing :(

I will go back to my counselor, and I do talk to my mum but she has issues of her own and I just hate to burden her.

Thank you for the kind words.

You have to trust yourself and what you did. You broke up with him for a reason. Try to remind yourself of the things you didn't like about him and why you broke up with him. It sounds like you could really benefit from getting some personal help.. maybe seeing a therapist? You'll move on and find someone who makes you feel good and treats you well! Hang in there, it will get better!

Thank you daisydew. I'm making a list of all the things that annoyed me about him. I think I just need to remind myself HOW MUCH these petty little things irritated me :)

Listen, everyone goes through hard times love. It's how a person deals with those hard times that build character, and help you grow as a person. You don't "need" this guy becauyse you broke up with him. You are feeling lonely right now, but you can't expect him to come running back to you when you need him.

You always have a friend here, nobody to judge you or just tell you what you want to hear. As for your mom, I'm sure she would much appreciate you talking to her than taking your life.

Life isn't always easy, that is something you are just going to have to learn how to deal with as you get older. Don't think for one minute that people have no time to listen to you, or try and help you through a hard time. Don't give up on yourself, respect yourself and take things as they come to you.

Life might not always be easy, but it is always worth living. Learn to love yourself first, then learn to balance your life with someone else in it.

Cheers love, don't let something like this get you down!

I'll do my best :)

I know everyone goes through hard times, and often a thousand times worse than the one I'm having now. I feel a bit pathetic when I think of what some people go through. I just wish I could convince myself that it's not so bad!

"I feel a bit pathetic when I think of what some people go through. I just wish I could convince myself that it's not so bad!"

COME ON!!

First of all, cut yourself some slak girl! Your problem is a problem just like anyone on here... no less. Stop feeling so sorry for yourself and just let it go! It is bad for you right now, and that is fine! Just realize that things get better!

Stop feeling so bad for yourself! Try having a laugh at something, anything for that matter! Don't feel so sorry for yourself and do something to make you feel happy... you know it is OK for you to be happy right?

Come on, smile a bit. Go treat yourself to a movie, or a new purse... or whatever you girls like. Find something to get yourself back to YOU, if I can do it... so can you!

Hun, you say that your Mom has her own things to deal with right? She's your MOM, and I bet you it will hurt her MORE to know that this is how you're feeling right now, and she would want to help you! Please tell her how you feel... she might even welcome the break from her own problems to try and help you through yours. Have you ever told her about your suicidal thoughts? Have you ever told your friends? If for some reason you think you can't talk to other people before you get into counseling, you can always send me a private message, and I will listen and won't judge you k? Some guys can be just plain mean and heartless, and you really should be happy you are rid of him!

My mum is the only person who knows how I really feel to be honest, but I think the people I see at school (not sure if they're "friends" because I only ever see them at school) can guess there's something not right because I don't like talking or socialising, and I cry way too much. But my mum, well she checks on me all the time and was really upset when I refused to see the counselor after 5 or so sessions. She worries about me so much and even made me sleep in her bedroom last night so she could keep an eye on me.

Thank you all for being so nice.

Well you have some friends here, so whenever you're feeling down you can let your feelings out. Go back to your counsellor though OK? Your Mom is obviously worried about you and it seems that you have got a lot of things that you need to sort out. Forget that guy and thank God that he left you... even though it hurts a lot now. Things happen for a reason and in order. A lot of times they don't seem fair, but one day you will get that "pop up" over your head that says "ohhh, that's why i had to go thru that" :)

Definitely make a list! It really helps. Sometimes you start to forget why you broke up with someone. But I KNOW there are reasons you broke up with this guy! You just need to keep reminding yourself of those reasons. It's weird how we can miss a relationship so much even though we know it wasn't good for us...

Thank you... I'm crying now because I'm happy that people in the world are nice! That's how silly I am!

I'll make an appointment today. I too believe that things happen for a reason, it's just that sometimes the reason is difficult to see. There must be a reason :)

Thanks again :)

It's probably because it feels weird to suddenly be alone. I think it's the security of a fairly long term relationship that I'm scared to have lost.

I've realised how much he's not worth my time!!

Today a few people mentioned how he'd been introducing his new girlfriend to all his friends and they'd all go out and get drunk together. This offended me somewhat because he was always very reluctant for me to know his friends, although I'm not the sort to get drunk for fun anyway. So I asked if we could talk about it (considering we were supposed to be FRIENDS still) but he just said "nah haven't got time for you" and walked off.

Later I was speaking to a mutual friend of ours and she told me he'd already had sex with his new girlfriend, and she said "that's quick considering you two never did it". WHAT? How did she know that? Well she knew because he told her. And he told everyone else, MOCKING me for being "frigid". Nice.

So I was going to shout at him but then I saw his bag containing all his A2 work from September to now, along with his 2 litre bottle of tropical juice. I know it's immature but I couldn't resist!

His college work is now ruined and I feel so great it's unreal :)

You deserve SO much better than him girl OK? Think of it this way... you weren't being "frigid" you were being SMART! He doesn't sound like a caring guy at all if after 2 and a half yrs he would disrepect you in that way! Look up to the sky and thank your ever-lovin lucky stars that you aren't with him anymore! Trust me, he will end up treating the new g/f just like he treated you, and so will realise your hurt too!

Trashing his work probably wasn't the best idea, but I think a lot of us would've either done it or considered it. Haha! Give yourself some time to get over what he did, and just go out and have fun with some GOOD friends for awhile... and I betcha you will be wondering what the heck his name was pretty damn quick!
Mr Tall, Dark, and Handsome isn't always all he's cracked up to be... but Mr. "not too tall", "pale", "quircky lookin" is standing right there to cheer you up and treat you better than Mr. Jerk did!

Wish you all the luck in the world! :)

Thank you so much :)

I'm surprised at how I feel now, really light and free. I'm so relieved I found out what he was really like. I'm going out with some people from school on Friday and I'm a bit nervous because I never usually go out :o
I'm really looking forward to it though!