Well your guess is wrong. I have never been burned by a man have been married to one for 30+ years.

My advice in those other threads were as I gave to you. The young lady with the boyfriend, they are both young, I said that, she had does something silly, as teenage girls are want to do, but she told this young man that she was not leaving her boy friend. He wants to get this girl no matter what. He needs to leave her alone he chooses not to. He is trying to justify his hanging on to her, so why is she a horrible person?

In the other case, she broke up with this guy he should move on. She may not have handled things in the right way, but again he wants to paint her bad because he is hurting. Often times when relationships fail, both parties play some role in the failure. This is the point I am making with you and the others.

The young lady may be wrong in how she handled the situation, but don't paint her the heavy just because you are hurting, she is probably hurting too. She was with you for 5 years, deciding to wait no longer was probably hard for her as well. You are both hurting.
Take responsibility for your part. Don't get in the habit of blaming or dogging out the other person when something does not work. It is what it is. Take responsibility for your part and move on.

Based on this I think you are initiating NC thinking you will get her back when you should be doing it to heal. She left you remember? It’s over. I understand the false hope, I’ve been there. You are fooling yourself. You say half of you wanted closure but the other half hoping she felt remorse. She had you on a string as you could not be straight forward with yourself one way or another

This morning, I get another email: "I''m sorry. My last email was uncalled for. I had a very rough day and am very emotional right now and am obviously having a hard time dealing with this. I will stop emailing you if that's what you want. But I want you to know that I will always be here for you if you ever need me."

She apologized for what she said to you, she has told you what is going on in her head, whether you understand it or not, accept it and leave it alone!

You are absolutely right, NC is about our individual healing but in the process of that we regain our dignity and power. You may correct me if I'm wrong, but did your "dignity" not take a blow when all of this happened to you? Did you not lose all "power" in your relationship? You gain these things back through NC and self healing... I think that may have been what the other posters were referring too.

And yes, good for you for deciding finally No Contact. I speak from experience, don't break it. It will be especially hard the first couple days/weeks... than you hit a turning point and it gets easier everyday. Good luck man your situation is difficult I wish you all the best

It just keeps getting more difficult, every time I am convinced I can move on, she's back. Last night she called me twice at 2am. No messages. Then she sends me a message on Facebook this morning because I blocked her email address and I guess she has been getting any emails she has tried to send back. It said, "I would like to see you. This has been so difficult for me and I think about us all the time. I've wanted to ask you to see me so many times but I have been afraid to because I don't want to be rejected."

I know what you're going to say: stay NC, move on with your life. How can someone pull such a 180? Two weeks ago, telling me she didn't want a relationship, supposedly dating other guys, telling me to go F*** myself, not wanting anything to do with me. And now, saying she wants to see me? I know, she probably just misses me being there for her and likely still does not want a relationship - so to make it easier on myself in the long run, it is best not even to entertain the thought. But, what if, she made a mistake and it took time to realize it? I guess too late.

Stick with NC.

Stick with NC. She can't have it both ways.
I would venture to say that at this point she does not even know what she wants which is why she should leave you alone as well.
You both need to just be away from each other for a spell.

First she says she will not bother you anymore, but you can bother/call her. Well that was designed for you to give in and chase her some more. When you didn't, then she went back on her word and started contacting you.

This whole thing is about you moving on before she does. That's what all ex partners worry about. Being left behind. Leave her alone Bill, she just wants her power back, and obviously has nothing else to do.

This is not difficult at all, you just stick to your guns yourself, and don't let her take control back. You have nothing else to discuss, because she dumped you remember?

Her other plans obviously didn't work out so she has no where else to go but back to you. That's pretty disrespectful, if you thin about it!

Well in a moment of weakness and when I was a little bit intoxicated last night, I texted her and told her I would meet her for lunch on Monday. She agreed.

I know I shouldn't go, I know I should start NC and move on with my life, because likely nothing has changed (she still doesn't want a relationship, she still wants to keep me on the back burner) and this is only going to lead to more hurt and pain in the end.

But half of me wants to go, just to hear what she has to say and thinks there is no reason why we can't casually see each other until we work things out, which likely won't happen, or I guess until we decide there is someone new we want to be with exclusively.

On the other hand, the sane half of me thinks I should cancel before Monday comes and go back to NC. That should be real easy, considering I've already broken it three times in two weeks. I just can't think with my head and ignore my heart, it's impossible. Damm, why is love so difficult!

Bad move. Whoops.

Be prepared for more heartache.

You are either NC or not. No in-between.

If you decide not to go, at least let her know. Remember this is what partly got you in to this to begin with. You decide to go NC to get back at her. You texted her again and then decided to back to NC and didn't answer her text.
If you are going to see her, do it and stop doing the yo-yo thing. If things don't change be prepared to deal with it and move on.
Like I told you before you both are suffering and you both need to pee or get off the pot.

Against everything in my heart, I emailed Lindsay and canceled the lunch. Told her I just wasn't ready. She responded, "It's your choice. Don't blame me, I would be happy to see you and have you be a part of my life."

I guess the keyword here is "part". She wants to stay friends because she feels bad or keep me on the back burner and has no interest in anything else. Difficult to swallow after 5+ years. If I'm reading it right?

Now those words do match her actions...

Good for you for recognizing.

Hope there is nothing in your hand when you slap yourself for another dumb mistake. Alcohol is no excuse.

She may not want to keep you on the back burner, she does not want you two to be enemies.
At any rate, she is done, you should be too.
Now don't get drunk again!

Things have taken a weird turn. After not speaking to her all weekend. She sent me an email this morning. She said that she missed me and that over the past few weeks that we have been apart she can't stop thinking about me and found that she was not interested in anyone else. She said she didn't realize it until she was truly away from me. She said she never stopped loving me and wants to get together in the near future to talk about things, if I'm interested.

I am not sure where all this came from. I had pretty much moved father down the acceptance process, though not over her, and was starting to feel a little better making it through the weekend without any contact.

Not sure how it could be such a 180 degree turn? Although she did tell me she missed me and kept trying to contact me through all of this - it was her idea to take time to find herself; she told me she didn't want to be in a relationship with me; I know she went out with at least one other guy but not sure if they were intimate; and then she went from of insulting me to telling me she missed me and then back to telling me I had my chance and she's moved past it and now she doesn't want anyone else?

Don't know what to do? Could she be telling the truth? If she did make a mistake, then I can symptahize with her, maybe. But I don't know, maybe she just decided she just thought the grass would be greener being single and dating other men and now she doesn't like it? Maybe she broke up with me in the hopes of dating someone else and now he doesn't like her? Is it worth it to give her a shot or is this another game to keep me on the back burner and she'll change her mind back just to start this whole process again?

It's another little game,just adding to your confusion.

I'd block her email.

I say continue to leave her alone. Both of you probably need to be away from each other.

Who knows a couple of months from now you will see you are fine without each other or you may connect on another level.
But keep up the NC for now.

Doesn't sound like she knows WHAT she wants.

Except that you are there to be her yo-yo, when things don't go as planned for her.

Yeah, block her email so you don't have to question anything.

Bill,

I know exactly what you are going through.

It's the early & frustrating time during NC.

I was hurting bad when I first posted here & everyone urged me to go NC & leave her alone. I did that after a few days and never faltered.

Didn't even know what NC meant or the strength I had to muster to do so.

My ex tried a bunch of times, but it was always to relieve her own selfishness & guilt. To try to make me validate what she did was "ok" with me. To suck me back in to to that.

Nope. Wasn't going to happen.

After a while that becomes the icing on the cake. To start to be in control of the situation & the gratifying thing is that ex's don't expect that.

Im sure mine wanted me to be & plead still, then lay down & be her pal.

NC does 2 things, helps you heal & removes any further drama & BS, and inadvertently shows the ex that you are no longer their puppy.

To allow them to live with their decision.

And not give a crap whether they learn or not.

To move on to better things.