I am SO confused..

I started talking to this guy mid June.. We met online (I know, online) but hit it off I thought, well. We talked on the phone a few times and it went on well over an hour. He was non-stop texting me for weeks.. Acted super interested in me and we had great conversations leading from serious to flirty and fun. We had a ton of things in common and it seemed like we never got tired of each others conversation. We would talk until 2am majority of the time! He followed everything I did on Facebook... everything.

We both got out of long-term relationships around the same time. He spoke freely about his ex and everything involved whereas I tried to avoid talking about mine, but he prodded. My friends said he was probably wanting to know what he was up against?

We finally met up and had a great night out! He was respectful and fun. He called me to make sure I made it home OK and the next morning he was super talkative. He even invited me to a concert, which I couldn't go to because of work and last minute invite. I had to go out of town for a meeting and it seemed at that point everything stopped. He became super distant and hard to keep a conversation going. I asked if I was bothering him, he assure me that everything was fine and that he was just busy. I tried to be flirty with him and he just kind of shut me down. I was going to be in his area, so I asked if he wanted to meet up. He seemed excited about it and even was going to make plans to do something. The night before he said nothing. All day he said nothing. I text him first and he explained that he was having car problems.. that it happened the night before. And that it'd be 2-3 hours before he would be able to do anything.. I offered to head his direction, he said no.. But he'd text me later to see what I'm up to.

I kind of snapped... I wasn't upset over the fact we couldn't have met up, I was upset that he didn't have the courtesy of letting me know that we might not be able to. He basically ignored me and blew me off. I asked if he had any intentions of meeting up with me.. he claims he did.. but the actions he chose told me no. I would've thought he'd have said *something*. And then I called him a jerk lol He proceeded to tell me that I try to hard and that he wasn't looking for a relationship. I understand that... I'm not entirely sure if I want a relationship right now either.. but I doubt he'd have done that to any of his friends. I know I wouldn't have.. or even to someone I wasn't too interested in meeting up with.

The sad thing is.. I kind of miss this guy. Not sure if I should attempt to make amends or let it go. I'm giving myself a week or two and if I feel the same way, I might try to contact him again. We're still friends on Facebook, but I know guys and Facebook doesn't mean too much. I really liked him though. I also think he freaked when he realized I'm a live person behind the text messages and phone calls. He came at me hard and then backed away just as fast.

Love is truly a battlefield... Any insight would be greatly appreciated :)

How easy is it to text and call? Much, much harder to coordinate real life isn't it... and stay cool. It's a heck of an adjustment on the fly, but you do have another issue it seems and that's the distance and two(?) working people with lives of their own and rebounding to boot(?). You came at each other hard, and yes he backed away fast, but you didn't, nor should you have really as emotionally frustrating as that was at least now you know that things are slowing way down.

Just my take on things, being a guy mind you, but you missed he was kind of a jerk in the first place if he couldn't understand your job obligations that couldn't be cancelled at the last minute, and that backed him off, poor guy. Not so fast, he no doubt had a back up plan (LOCAL I suspect, maybe not a date but a plan), and that should be okay, so no need to go off because the first law of dating is there is no exclusive commitment when you're just talking and even after you meet for the first time. There is no obligation to even inform a new person you may have other options.

Having said that though and not knowing if the subject even came up, maybe he should have let you know about the glitch in the plan for your visit. Not cool to lead someone on for any reason. You did throw a lot of eggs in his basket though, and I am sure you will realize that later, own it and learn and do better. NO BIGGIE! For now though just chill on him and do your own thing, online or in person with others and this will either wither on the vine, or... Who knows? My point, don't get stuck on it, as dating experiences often fool us when it goes great in the beginning and changes suddenly. Sucks, but that's the nature of the beast. Don't let it discourage you, just don't rush into new people with starry eyes and high expectations. They see things different because they are different. Doesn't make them wrong, even when we get our feelings hurt.

Have fun making new connections as you discover and explore other options, and don't dwell on what you think are failures, because no doubt you learn something that will help you later, even if it's confusing NOW! This failed experiment is only temporary, so get ready for the next one!

LOL, you've learned more about yourself, than you have about him, any way. Don't believe me? That's okay it'll come to you. It always does. Watch that distance stuff, and don't dwell on this one too much. Life is just to short.

Thank you for the wonderful insight. I'm trying not to dwell on it, but at the same time I'm kind of like WTF!?

We do live far away and I don't think he's too keen on driving any distance, which I 100% understand. He was in a pretty bad accident while in the military. The more we talked, the more he would open up about some things.. I'm fairly sure he has some insecurities.. But coming from the medical field, I don't really care. It didn't bother me. He didn't work either but it seemed like he understood my work obligations and commitments. I frequently go to his city, so it wasn't like meeting up would be a rarity. And he was aware of it.

I guess I'm kind of in shock that he blew me off lol.. I'm talking to other people still, but.. still lol

Dating is a nightmare. I guess I'll just give him some space and let things start over again. He obviously liked me at some point and what I had to offer.. but the more I think about it, some of the things he said were kind of odd.. like "you're the light at the end of my tunnel.."??

Even with all the texting, and talking and some fun thrown in, we can connect with strangers and enjoy the heck out of it. They are still strangers with much more to learn. Personally I think it's a good thing when the romantic notions get rocked early on. That's how a better perspective can kick in, but it's often lost in the thrill being gone, and that sucks. You were just trying to keep the thrill going, and I think you got in deeper than you should have a bit too soon, but hey, that's life, no risk, no reward, so to speak.

I think that's what you're learning now is about keeping a good perspective, despite all the thrills and chills. He may call, he may NOT, but for sure you cannot ignore his circumstance (No work, and a broke car, discouraging and difficult) for anyone. I don't know if its he is insecure, since he could have easily taken advantage of your then willing and eager nature, but he didn't. He can't be all jerk, but at the time you didn't think that way. Stuff happens and misunderstanding is common with STRANGERS.

Why didn't you ask for clarity when he said things you found odd?

One of a MILLION scenarios:
He couldn't handle the day after the super wonderful first date, when you couldn't go to the concert. AND had to be out of town!
He spent that whole time agonizing over whether or not you were telling the truth.
In other words, he goes for women much too quickly, and hardens his heart when a woman is busy.
He knows he is being mistrustful for all the wrong reasons, but can't stop it, so shrugs and blows you off.

OBVIOUSLY I can be very wrong about this.
It's just that nothing is ever what it seems when first dating, so you can add 5,000 other scenarios that are just as plausible.
And that's a waste of time...

What you could do? Save a ticket or some photos or work documents from that trip out of town, and put them away somewhere.
If you just happen to see him someday, and you enjoy talking, mention that you have saved it.
See what happens....

I don't know why I didn't ask. I just went with it. I shouldn't have.. I should have asked more questions. He just seemed super into me. I know I scared him away by coming back at him just as strong. When we did meet up, he made mention that I was aggressive.. All I asked for him was to text me in the very beginning lol Which he did willingly. He didn't have to!

Oh well.. Maybe by next weekend I won't even care. I'm just in in shock still.. I feel silly

And Joy.. I've actually thought of that. That he was upset that I didn't go with him.. or bummed because he had to go stag. When I asked him how the concert went, he said it was fun, but everyone who went with him was with someone.. I asked if he went out after, he said no...

How long have you been back in the dating scene? How many dates have you been on? What's your plan?

"I feel silly" - You shouldn't really. You didn't know him that well and he didn't know you. Maybe it's better to close this chapter and move on to your next adventure.

"Dating is a nightmare." - I am so glad I don't have to date anymore. Take your time next time. I find it interesting people who rush into a relationship only to be shocked when it doesn't work out. If you are interested in planning the rest of your life with someone, take your time and get to know that person. It makes it so much better in the end.

My plan? I've been single for about a year but officially cut all ties to my Ex in April. I've been on a few dates. I've been told by many, many people to head north if I want to find a good guy haha.. And I live close to three military bases, so you can imagine that the dating scene is rather difficult. It has truly been interesting.

I was honestly following his lead. I was talking with my best friend about this today, and even she said he was pulling out all the cards to lure me in. She saw a lot of what he wrote and I think anyone would have fallen for his trap of words. Which is why I still think that maybe he freaked out and felt like he wasn't ready. Been there.. :/

I still miss talking to him, but I'm sure I ruined everything and he's not very forgiving.. He was in the military after all haha

You mean the guy you spent YEARS with? Hey you're single now, so act like it, and don't get so attached to anyone so fast. Why? Because they are strangers, and dating is having FUN while you get to know someone. You deserve to have some fun don't you? Well stop looking for a relationship, and deal with having that fun. Build yourself a life that YOU enjoy, with activities and people who are fun.

Looking for love has to be the most frustrating thing a human can do. Make friends instead. Even that takes time, so you may as well enjoy doing it. Now get over your shock at one guys behavior and go get a FUN date. Obviously he wasn't ready or prepared for a long distance thing, so let him stew in his own juice while you do your own thing.

It should be no shock at all that you discover your chat buddy has hang ups, or the communications break down. So why linger over it? You ruined NOTHING!! Why think like that?

Remember me saying it's all about discovering YOU, and how you deal with YOURSELF, and whatever life throws at you?

Yes, the guy I spent 10 unhealthy years with..

I guess I don't know how to act single? I feel like I've been single for years.. And now I want to really connect with someone.

I still cant figure out how I got accused of trying to hard... I just tried to talk to him...

Did I read that right? I fail to see why you snapped, when he understood your work circumstances, you failed to see a broke guy with a broke car may be caught up in his own circumstance. That's why he accused you of pushing to hard, because he didn't want to deal with your emotions on top of his, which obviously were quite down.

Water under the bridge, stuff happens, but I will repeat don't make wanting to connect with someone the priority with ANYONE right now and it's simple. It would be a rebound and distraction from you connecting with YOURSELF, after a decade of NOT being yourself.

You aren't single when you are thoroughly committed to making something work with someone. You and this guy just had bad timing, nothing more, nothing less. It was fun when it was fun, but it jut didn't last. No biggie, RIGHT?

No need to answer, just let the dust settle on your emotions, and find something fun to do, and do something good for yourself.

I can see your point. But like I said, it wasn't because we wouldn't have been able to meet up, it was because he couldn't even let me know that it might not happen. We'd been talking for two months and I would think that he would have at least been able to muster up a text message to say he couldn't make.. didn't even need an explanation as to why. Is that wrong to ask for?

Now I feel like I destroyed everything because of me over reacting over something stupid. Oh well.

I am working on finding my happy :) I'm actually very happy.. surprisingly. I have a great job, wonderful friends.. I'm surviving on my own, my parents are super supportive of me and I'm going to school to better myself. I know I just need to have fun with guys and not cling to the first guy I'm interested in. I do feel like that is what I'm wanting to do. But at the same time I don't want to be someone's hookup.

That's great to hear and your situation is pretty much normal for singles, so just RELAX, and give yourself time to get over this GLITCH in the plan is all you need. Okay he was a jerk! Now you know! Good Riddance? We will see. Who's NEXT? What you don't know? Well half the fun is finding out 8D

Whenever you're ready.

Well I broke weak and text him. I apologized for being an and asked if we could still be friends.. with a smiley face lol.. He responded and said that we were good and that he was just stressed out about things.. so I don't know... Didn't really chat after..

I am talking to other guys! "throwing myself out there" and seeing what I get.. :)

That wasn't so bad was it? Have fun making FRIENDS and socializing with EVERYBODY. I once met this cutie pie, but hit it off with her friend. You never know. Better to stop looking and just do! I mean after an 8 year thing I would think you wouldn't be in a hurry to jump into something serious right now.

So why are you?

But I'm not looking for something serious. It was weird with him.. He was so easy to talk to and he just made himself out to be an amazing guy! I felt so comfortable around him and talking to him right away.. it was weird. I'll admit, I was a bit starry eyed with him.. I have no intentions of a serious relationship right now, truly, I don't. And I'm definitely not trying to put a ring on it lol

No, you are just looking to connect, and be exclusive with some one. Right? On some level, I think you are trying to replace what you had with something better. That's normal, but looking for a replacement love is unrealistic. It's very easy in your circumstance (Getting back to dating, or as you put it putting yourself out there.) to get stuck on a guy, and be shocked at the first glitch of reality about him. You sure made that a big deal when it should not have been. You cannot ignore the emotional fall out that followed, and yeah it sucks to go from high hopes at the potential, to the reality of moving to fast.

Just an observation, but I can bet you put a lot into this fellow, very quickly, to the exclusion of any other options or opportunities. If I'm wrong, say so, but I don't think it's fair to you to take his actions personally. It's was about HIM, not YOU. Can you see that?

Am I coming off as moving too fast? Honestly, I was following his lead. He acted so interested in me. I wish I could show you his text messages he sent to me.. Maybe that is why I am so confused about this whole thing.

I do like him, but am not interested in a boyfriend right now. I have too much going on, plus, if it happens to be him, the distance is a bit of a killer.

We talked a bit yesterday. I asked him why he's so stressed, he said it's because he is moving. I asked him later if he'll go back to be him after his move and he said yes, I'll be out of my funk.. This is the most intense nesting session I've ever witnessed lol

I've backed off a lot with him and am talking with other people. I'll probably never ask to meet up with him again lol

Makes you wonder what else sends him into a funk. He could have said something like any normal caring person would, but he didn't. Remember when you went off on him? Maybe your instincts were right then. This doesn't seem a guy you should be following his lead (See where that got you?). I don't care what he wrote or said, because his words and actions don't match. I think that's where your confusion comes from, and that's the biggest red flag you should heed.

Are you repeating a pattern from your previous relationship? I find it odd you apologized to him, but never mentioned his apology. Leave this guy alone, and get about your own business.

What if he asks you to meet him? This is a cut your contact and be busy and unavailable to him moment. Right?