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Andria123 · Feb 6, 2007, 04:33 PM

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years and we are definitely in love. He is a great guy, but the only thing is that he tells me all the time that I need to lose weight and work out more, but I am not fat at all, not even chubby. I am 5 foot 4, 135 pounds, with a BMI of 23, which is exactly average. He won't settle for that. Every time I eat when we are together, he is always criticizing me telling me "you don't need to be eating that right now" and "didn't you just eat?" and "make sure you run after eating that". It is so ridiculous and it gets really old really fast. I have talked to him about it but he still does it. I don't know what to do.

Wildcat21 · Feb 6, 2007, 04:40 PM

Dump him. Yesterday. Look in dictionary under jerk - his picture is there. Find someonme who appreciates you. This guy is a complete loser if he has to do that. Send this BOY packing and find a man. This is a form of abuse and you don't deserve it. You will lbe so better off and happy!!

laxforlife92 · Feb 6, 2007, 04:42 PM

My first instinct would be to break up with him, but I don't think that would be a good solution. If talking doesn't work, maybe you should try criticizing him and see how he likes it. They do say, that you really don't know what its like, till someone's done it to you. Oh and if that's not really a famous quote, well then it should be cause I think it's good.

laxforlife92 · Feb 6, 2007, 04:49 PM

Hey nice quote, do they have a website with quotes like that?

GinaLanc · Feb 6, 2007, 04:59 PM

If he can't accept you the way you are then he's asking you to change. If he's asking you to change now, then it won't get better in the future. He'll keep trying to mode you into someone else until one day you can't find yourself. God made us all with a purpose in mind. To become something you are not would be to go against the beauty of who you are and who you will become in the future. Do something good for yourself and don't become someone you're not. Good luck. Gina

mellyn11 · Feb 6, 2007, 05:16 PM

Originally Posted by Andria123

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years and we are definitely in love. He is a great guy, but the only thing is that he tells me all the time that I need to lose weight and work out more, but I am not fat at all, not even chubby. I am 5 foot 4, 135 pounds, with a BMI of 23, which is exactly average. He won't settle for that. Every time I eat when we are together, he is always criticizing me telling me "you don't need to be eating that right now" and "didn't you just eat?" and "make sure you run after eating that". It is so ridiculous and it gets really old really fast. I have talked to him about it but he still does it. I don't know what to do.

He is trying to break your confidence because he is lacking somewhere. Above all keep your head up and by all MEANS tell him that each and every time he has something to say about your weight, you are just going to put one more fry in your mouth (That aught to shut him up). Explain to him, that anorexia/bulimia are the results of criticism like his. I hate to tell you this, but this is not love. It is very possible that you HAVE love for each other, and it may even be that he is finding smaller women more attractive and feels that he is simply trying to warn you before he strays. Words like these are also a way to control you. You MUST explain what his actions are doing to you and your confidence. If he doesn't quit, I'm sorry honey, but he is NOT the one for you (right now). Sometimes getting away from someone allows them to see their errors and realize their feelings more clearly. Be strong, and keep you confidence. It doesn't matter if you have the behind of a rhino, as long as you are happy!

J_9 · Feb 6, 2007, 05:24 PM

Originally Posted by Andria123

we are definitely in love.

Sorry to say, but you are in love. He is not.

Originally Posted by Andria123

He is a great guy, but the only thing is that he tells me all the time that I need to lose weight and work out more,

This does not equal a great guy. A great guy is one who accepts you for who you are, not who he expects you to be.

Originally Posted by Andria123

I am 5 foot 4, 135 pounds, with a BMI of 23,

Not a darn thing wrong with that!!

Originally Posted by Andria123

He won't settle for that.

Then he won't settle for anything. If he can't take you for who you are tell him to take a hike.

Originally Posted by Andria123

he is always criticizing me

And you think he is in love with you? Rubbish!! People who love each other do not criticize each other.

Originally Posted by Andria123

It is so ridiculous and it gets really old really fast.

This is what you have to look forward to if you stay with him, and it only gets worse when de does not get what he wants.

Originally Posted by Andria123

I don't know what to do.

Drop the loser and find someone who appreciates you for you and nothing else.

JoeCanada76 · Feb 6, 2007, 05:27 PM

Love is about acceptance. If he is always putting you down and things are not good enough for him then he needs to find somebody else and you need to move on. Now I can understand if somebody cares about you and you do have a problem and they are kind and considerate in the approach. To always be nagging on you. You need to tell him to stop doing that to you and if you really cared then you would accept me for who I am. Then go from there.

makri · Feb 6, 2007, 06:03 PM

I'm a new member but I def have experience in this dept! I've suffered from an eating disorder since I was about 15 and I def know what it feels like to be criticized. I'm not sure if you're a confident girl or what but let me tell you, If you stay in this relationship for much longer you will develop some type of eating disorder and/or depression.

Originally Posted by Andria123

It is so ridiculous and it gets really old really fast. I have talked to him about it but he still does it. .

It WILL get old and Eventually you'll feel like you need to fix yourself. You'll feel like nothing, like he deserves better than you. No matter what you tell him, I don't think he'll stop. Also, if he truly loves you then he'd accept you just the way you are.. But if breaking up isn't what you want to do then just make sure you stick up for yourself when he tells you that you need to go to the gym. Say to him "I am fine just the way I am" or "I'm beautiful!" It's always helpful to boost your own confidence when others try to knock you down. Don't let yourself get to the point where you can't even look at yourself in the mirror. Or even to the point where he's making you cry. No one should make you feel bad about yourself.. He's knocking you to make himself feel better. YOU deserve better than that!

chosen1 · Feb 6, 2007, 06:30 PM

Well girl... maybe he likes the petite type that you aren't?? I like my woman 5-0 - 5-8 from 100- to 115... being 5'4 u probably have a little J-lo going on.. it cool as long as there is no cheese. If you really care for him... maybe you both she could to the gym... his eyes are probably starting to wonder around now that you have been together for 2 yrs... u better do something about it before the spark starts to fizzle... hope you don't take it the wrong way and good luck

momincali · Feb 6, 2007, 10:43 PM

This guy is trouble. Can you imagine what a whiny little nit-picking jerk he's going to be if you were to marry this character. He is definitely picking on you cause he's got his own flaws and can't deal with them so he has to try and make you feel inferior. He knows what he's doing to you and he doesn't care, his feelings and desires come first and always will. You can talk until your blue in the face, you can lose all the weight he wants, healthy or not, and it will never be enough.

He needs to be gone, now. You've wasted enough time, get on with your life and find someone who isn't broken cause he clearly has issues that you will never resolve, no matter how nice you are to him.

chuff · Feb 7, 2007, 03:13 AM

Well J9 answered it quite well. This is just reinforcement.

Originally Posted by Andria123

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years and we are definitely in love.

You love him, you can never speak for someone else.

Plus he thinks your fat so he doesn't love you.

Originally Posted by Andria123

He is a great guy,

He's a tool.

Originally Posted by Andria123

but the only thing is that he tells me all the time that I need to lose weight and work out more, but I am not fat at all, not even chubby.

Well tell him that when he starts benching 400 lbs and get's a master's degree in nutrition maybe you'll start taking health tips from him.

Then tell him he's a tool if he can't accept you at your weight.

Think about this if you were burned in the face today, he'd dump you tomorrow. Because his value of this relationship is placed on your looks. It isn't based on anything beyond how you look.

Originally Posted by Andria123

I am 5 foot 4, 135 pounds, with a BMI of 23, which is exactly average. He won't settle for that.

What do you mean "he won't settle for that?" It's your body. Not his to manipulate to his pleasing.

Originally Posted by Andria123

Every time I eat when we are together, he is always criticizing me telling me "you don't need to be eating that right now" and "didn't you just eat?"

Aren't meals supposed to be fun and time to share events of the day and your life? Who wants to eat with someone that brings you down? Just out of curiosity has he ever ate with you and your parents. I'll bet you a thousand dollar your loser boyfriend doesn't bring that up around them.

Originally Posted by Andria123

and "make sure you run after eating that".

Is he running? Tell him the same damn thing.

Originally Posted by Andria123

It is so ridiculous and it gets really old really fast.

It's gotten old for me and I'm just reading it. I can't imagine what it must be like to be with such an emotional abuser. And that's what it is. Emotional abuse.

Originally Posted by Andria123

I have talked to him about it but he still does it. I don't know what to do.

He can't be fixed. The only thing you can do is get rid of him. Which should have happened the moment he started this emotional abuse. You've been generous enough and given him opportunity to change so kick him to the curb.

djspex · Feb 7, 2007, 03:34 AM

Hey This guy sounds like a right ******. But you love him, coming from lad I feel there maybe an underlyin problem in your relationship, maybe the spark you once has started to fade, in my experience he is acting out because he's bored, try and spice things up, go out more. Be more adventurous in the bedroom. Think back on when you first met how exciting spendin time together was. Find things that are exciting again find that spark!! But one thing you don't ever let his comments hurt you, don't ever let them get into your head.

Good Luck

talaniman · Feb 7, 2007, 06:23 AM

Why put up with his crap at all? Pull him aside and tell him to shut the f--k up with the weight thing or you'll stick a fork up his arse. That simple. If you love him as you say you should express your displeasure at his BS, or it gets worse.

heavensent · Feb 7, 2007, 07:43 AM

Oh dear... if you have tried talking to him and that doesn't help, that's a bit poo isn't it! I guess you could try talking to him again and tell him how you feel, and if he still doesn't listen, then it might be easier said than done, but you could probably find someone better, that will love you for who you are not what you look like! Hope this helps!

xoxbabygirl · Apr 17, 2007, 08:15 AM

I would dump him in an blinck of an eye u don't deserve that and u can do betta

Lowtax4eva · Apr 17, 2007, 08:50 AM

Just wanting to add to the dump him side of the list, if he loved you or even cared about you at all he would be fine with the way you look, asking you to lose x number of pounds is extremely rude and you shouldn't put up with it. And then, you confront him about it and it still goes on? Even if you do lose the weight because you decide to one day (if you even can) I'm sure he'll complain about some other physical feature of yours, he's not worth it.

manda2020 · Apr 17, 2007, 09:09 AM

Ok first off boo to him for being such an as* ; secondly you need to tell him he's being an as*. Cause he may not know (sad but true). If you are happy with yourself, then why would you want to his crap all the time. That you said yourself gets old?

Tuscany · Apr 17, 2007, 09:09 AM

I am going to take a different angle here. I agree with everyone that you should dump him for your own good. But, I know in many cases that is a lot easier said then done. But, think about this.

You stay with this guy, you have a daughter together. Your daughter is built just like you. She has a boyfriend who makes her feel bad about her weight and makes comments to her that are similar to what your boyfriend says to you. What would you tell your daughter to do??

nicespringgirl · Jul 14, 2007, 07:04 PM

I would never talk to a guy like that. Girl it's not your problem! You are fine you are about my size, no one ever said I am fat... he is lack of some confidence I guess. I'd stop talking to him now!
Good luck, don't worry too much, it has nothing to do with you!