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-   -   After 10 years she feels we have no future. (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/after-10-years-she-feels-we-have-no-future-217835.html)

  • May 20, 2008, 07:48 AM
    Starcross
    After 10 years she feels we have no future.
    I have been with my girlfriend for 10 years now. We met in college and our relationship has been great. We of course had our ups and downs like any relationship, but now things have changed. About 3 years ago she pushed for us to move in together and I was a bit resistant, but because I loved here decided to buy a place and move in. She had an operation and moved home to recover, since her parents were retired and could help. Once she was better though should did not move back. We sat down and spoke on our ten year mark and she stated that she loves me as a friend, but does not feel anything for me as a long term relationship. I was in shock, I felt a couple of times when I would bring up marriage that she hesitated, but she always said to give her time and that she loves me. That is why we moved in together should be proof. We have been trying to work it out, she has moved back home with me for a bit, but things are different. I asked her if she was sure and how she would feel if she would not see me any longer. She said she can not imagine since we have been always togther. I suggested a break for a few weeks and if she does not change, then to end the relationship and sell our home. She now tells me OK, but she acts different. She says I am a great guy and cares and loves me. She wants to feel the way she felt, but cant. She is not happy about what is going on and here job and life. Is she really lost her love for me? Is she going through something I do not know? If I let her go will she return?
  • May 20, 2008, 08:18 AM
    heave_falling
    I will first start by saying I am really sorry for what you are going through. It is hard to say whether letting her go that she will return. I wouldn't doubt that she is going through something rough since she did have an operation. Is she on any medications? Certain medications can make her different in a way. Depressed. But truly the only way to know if she'll come back is to let her go.
  • May 20, 2008, 08:27 AM
    emopunk7
    How do you feel exactly? What do you think may have caused her to feel this way?
  • May 20, 2008, 08:37 AM
    Starcross
    Not sure, how things changed. I only know that she feels that she wants to feel like she wants to be with me, but can't. She says she loves me, but for now as a friend. The only thing I know to do is give her time and see how it goes. Not sure what else to do. She has been off meds for 2 months now. She seems confused, and sure of things at the same time. I just don't understand how you can want to love someone, but feel you can't.
  • May 20, 2008, 08:44 AM
    talaniman
    How old are you both, and what kind of meds was she on??
  • May 20, 2008, 09:20 AM
    Starcross
    We are both in our early 30's. Most of her friends are in a serious relationship or getting married. While we talked she did say she felt like she wanted to be single, but not with go out with anyone. Just able to be alone and do things for her self. Feeling that she must decide on her own, what is best. I believe when you love someone, you know inside. It does suck to think that this happed after 10 years, but I guess there is nothing I can do.
  • May 20, 2008, 12:18 PM
    emopunk7
    There's something you're not telling us.
  • May 20, 2008, 12:58 PM
    Starcross
    That is all I know from her. That after ten years. Now she feels that I am not the one. She feels that by this point I should be the one she wants to marry, and for that reason. We should end it. This was more of a blind side than something I saw coming.
  • May 20, 2008, 03:13 PM
    talaniman
    After 10 years and no major changes? Hardly blind-sided. She has had a chance to be single, and see there is a big world out here so naturally she wants a go at it. Especially since this one was not producing what she wants long term. Hey, live and learn, and enjoy the memories.

    Do you have a doubt her parents want GRANDKIDS?
  • May 21, 2008, 07:08 AM
    Starcross
    Both families where for us marrying. The couple of times we tried to committ to that level she would want to wait. She said she was just scared of it. We moved in on her choice to show me that she wanted a long term relationship. Now as we talk she says that she feels that she can not give me what I want in the relationship. She can not see a future, but she is confused if this is the right decision. Every time she sees me. She says she gets confused. She loves me, but feels more of a friendship. But thinking of me not being around or thinking if I would date some one else hurts. Not sure what is going on. I guess what I am asking is. Will time heal the relationship or end it?
  • May 21, 2008, 09:49 AM
    talaniman
    Quote:

    Will time heal the relationship or end it?
    There is only one answer to that, give it time and see. Does that mean twiddle your thumbs waiting to find out? NO!!
  • May 21, 2008, 10:05 AM
    cheryl200
    Dear Starcross,

    I understand exactly what you are feeling. Please read my two posts and you will feel better about your situation. I still don't understand why my fiance' kicked me to the curb after 11 years and an engagement ring this past summer. We didn't have any major arguments and we have so much history together. Now he is with a 20 year old and he is 37. I have a big hole in my stomach and heart because I feel he never loved me. I would love to reconcile with him but like everyone keeps telling me "you can't make someone love you if they don't".

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