I don't want to divorce my husband but I don't love him anymore
Two years back we found out I was infertile and instead of comforting me first, my husband immediately calls his mom to tell her. I am going through IVF and I am looking into getting eggs and my husband's sperm inseminated into me.
He is saying that I am costing him a lot of money and that we should just give up, even though he wants kids. He always thinks only about himself and never about me. We have sex about once every two months or so and whenever I try to hug him or make a move on him he always has an excuse. He also doesn't even come to bed till 2 in the morning. But then he is caring and understanding to everyone else around us except me.
We have so many arguments in public and he likes just sitting in front of the TV, when he comes back work, and watching all day long till 2.
His father just passed away 2 years ago and now he is head of his family, according to India law. His mother and sister, his parents, my brother's family always say how sweet and nice he is, and how I am the problem.
We have been married 9 years and I know I am in a loveless marriage. My husband has no clue and to get him to take me seriously I have to act very mad or cry in front of him. Other than that he is clueless. He is a man of just words, but no follow through.
He criticizes my work and makes it seem like what I am doing is worthless because I don't make that much money. I teach ESL to Chinese children in China online and I enjoy it. Just because I am not working in the field that I studied in college or a computer programmer, like he is, I am not appreciated in my family at all.
Everyone always says I am so sensitive because I show my emotions so much, and I can't help it, I just break down sometimes.
He refuses to go to see the doctor for any check up or go see a therapist. Then he always comes in here like he is concerned.
His mother and sister are also in town and I keep telling him to tell his mom to keep their spending down because they have only been her about 3 months and have already spent over $5,000, and she is still asking for more presents. When I asked him to speak to his mom he says he will but he never does. He hates confrontation and never follows through. They hate it when I take pictures when we go on trips, but then they ask for me to make a photo album afterwards.
When I suggest things, they always argue with me, but then when one of them suggests the same thing they all agree.
Even when I am home he speaks to me like he is annoyed with me. Our hang out time is him sitting on his spot on the floor and me on the couch and watching TV. He loves his TV and his movies.
I have been married to him for 9 years now and he still feels like a stranger to me, and now he has become a stranger to me that I have been hating more every day.
I feel like I want to go out and yell, scream, and cry but I can't.
I don't want to divorce him, but I don't know how to get through to him.
I feel like I am all alone and I don't know who to turn to.
