My boyfriend has a daughter and he still talks to his ex that abandoned their child
So I am 21 years old and I am dating a guy who is 26 with a 4 year old daughter. He is just wonderful and so is his daughter.
There are just a few problems. I never thought I would date a guy who had a child. It's OK, I don't mind. It's kind of scary sometimes. We kind of jumped into things. We said "I love you" within the first 3 months of us dating and I met his daughter within a few weeks after dating. Which was fine. I was scared because I didn't want to meet her and than something happen to me and my b/f and hurt her feelings. Things are going well, but there are just things that bug me about him having a daughter. For one he's only a part time dad. He doesn't have custody of her, no one does that bugs me. She lives with her 60 year old grandmother who can't control her and lets her stay up to all hours of the night and lets her sleep in for as long as she wants. She is also over weight by 30lbs because she doesn't get any activity time. She doesn't have any friends her age. She doesn't get any social time with children except sometimes on the weekends when I take her to the park, but I can only do that during the summer and spring time other wise it's too cold to go to the park. So she's a really large 4 yearold. I feel so bad too, because I took her to a park in the mall where I and my boyfriend live and the other little kids told her that "big kids" can't play there. She's little so she doesn't understand why they told her that. I felt awful. I want him to get custody of her so we can get her into some kind of fun activity she loves baseball. So I was thinking T-ball or something. She can learn how to work together with others, make friends, stay healthy and I hope have fun. I don't know how to deal with all of this. I feel like I'm getting in over my head. Am I ready to be this little girls mom? I have no idea.
The fact that my boyfriend doesn't have custody (no one does) is going to make it even harder for me to be this little girls mom. The biological mother abandoned her as a baby, but my boyfriend tried to work things out with her for the baby's sake for the first year. Things didn't work out. She was a cheating whore! Well my boyfriend even after that didn't take custody. The little girl (I don't want to put names up) lives with her grandmother to this day, out of control and over weight. My boyfriend sometimes takes the little girl to see her other grandparents and since the bio-mother lives with her parents she gets to see her. The bio-mother also tries to make the little girl call her mommy. She sees her like 8 hours a year. She doesn't want to call her mommy. She's just confused. I'm so pissed because my boyfriend doesn't want to try to get custody because he's afraid he'll lose.
For one he's probably not the bio-father. The bio-mother had the little girl 5 months after my boyfriend and his ex did anything and she was a fully developed 8lb baby. So... yeah...
My boyfriend is retarded and never had a DNA test. NEVER. He's afraid of the out come. I would be too, but you know. He should have done that years ago.
So he's afraid because he may not be the bio dad he may lose.
The bio mother smokes in the house with the kids (yes she has another daughter by some other guy, like I said hoe).
She is a bar tender and drinks in the house around the kids
She does drugs
She has been in jail (minor thing but still)
She doesn't provide anything for the little girl except presents once in a while on holidays
She doesn't parent her and never has
She doesn't call or try to spend time with the little girl during the year except holidays and sometimes she doesn't even call then her parents (the little girls other grand parents) are the ones that call.
She lets her other daughter be mean to the little girl.
She tells the little girl she should be louder and bad (?) She said that the first time I met her at her work (applebee's) She was like "BEEP you need to be louder your a BEEB girl you need to be loud and bad." I was thinking to myself "? IS WRONG WITH YOU WOMAN?"
She wanted to give the little girl up for adoption at birth.
She just a bad influence on the girl.
She doesn't know anything about the little girl like her fave food, or her least fave food, her fave toy, her fave TV show, what she can spell or write NOTHING
She knows NOTHING
But she tries to force the mommy word onto her
My boyfriend on the other hand besides not taking full responsibility and being a full time dad
We go and visit her at her grandmothers every other weekend.
We take her to our apt for visits for one-two weeks at a time a few times a year
My boyfriend provides food for her, new cloths, night time undies and stuff a father should do
We play with her
We take her out to movies and to the park
We spend time with her
All I know is I can't take this ex-gf bull .
I want her out of ourlives.
The little girl is so confused. Since she's lived with her grandmother for the past 4 years she thinks she's her mom. She calls her grandmother mommy and mom. That upsets me and no one does anything about it. This past year even the grandmother has started calling herself mom and mommy. She says things like "Mommy takes care of you huh?" "Mamma" this and that and AH! It upsets me.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We live together in a different state than his daughter. She will be starting school in about a year and a half and I want her to live with us, but if we're not going to be her parents now when are we.
If he wants me to be his daughters mother than he needs to show me so.
We've talked and we want to get married one day and be a family, but unless he gets custody of his child or tries to this year I don't want to be upset and confused any longer. I don't want that.
I know he's scared but not doing anything is awful. THe little girl needs her daddy and a mother. She wants a mommy. That's why she calls her grandmother mommy. She wants one.
She doesn't call her bio mother mommy because she's not her mom. She doesn't mother her or anything. So in my opinion she doesn't count. She abandoned her years ago and by LAW if you don't have contact with your child for 90days or more that's legal abandonment. Even after you have contact with your child you still abandoned them.
I'm just tired of her calling my boyfriend and being rude to me and trying to force the mom word on the little girl the whole 4 times a year she sees her.
I can't do this. I can't deal with her and I don't think its right what my boyfriend is doing.
He needs to take charge and be mature about this and get his daughter.
What should I do about this. I've told him this and he just blocks it out of his mind and doesn't think about it.
That is freaking wrong. Just wrong.
We know she's probably not biologically his, but in every other way she is and has been her whole life.
I'm tired of dealing and hearing about the ex. They call her "The name we don't speak of" for someone my boyfriend and his family doesn't speak of they freaking speak of her too freaking much.
I just can't deal with this.
My boyfriend and I are buying a house. Well my names not on it, but I'm paying for part of it and living there. I'm having second thoughts though. My career is just starting here in the state we live in and its just going to get better, but if I leave. I'm leaving the love of my life behind and my career. I don't know what to do. I'm happy but not at the same time...
PLEASE HELP!