It is because of I have two different minds with me
1= a sexual mind means I am living only for sex
2= a love life means living for a loving girl
My love life is short living and it lings for few seconds
Sexual mind is always with me and I addicted to sexual and now I know that I can't change myself in this life time
So I want to die but I have to make few money for my family so tham at least 2 years is needed for me that's why I told I want to die after 2 years...