In middle school and freshman year, A guy friend-who is very worried about what people think and is a compulsive liar-of mine used to just randomly and somewhat nervously bring up stuff about homosexuality, wide eyes watching me cautiously for my reaction. Behind the scenes though, I found out that even though he was expressing homophobia, he was actually curious about it as shown by liking the Same Love music video, I guess trying to figure out what he believed and what he was. Sophomore year, he's more settled with himself, acts as if he doesn't really care about LGBT anymore. But if you ask him what he believes, he says "I don't approve of it, I think its disgusting" and then goes onto explaining how he feels about LGBT things and why, but seeming overall a bit nervous. He seemed tense and nervous for my reaction when he told me that because he wasn't turned gay that he believes gay people were born gay, went from solemn to mischievous to hand gestures then to giggling when he started explaining why and denying fear as the reason why he wouldn't read my essay about LGBT. Does it seem that he's lying? And if so, why do you think he would lie to me?

He's entitled to his own opinion, as well as his right to change it.

It doesn't make it a lie.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

He's entitled to his own opinion, as well as his right to change it.

It doesn't make it a lie.

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Thank you for your answer! I was wondering if I could have some clarification, just to understand a little better. Are you saying that just because he is repeating what he used to believe opposed to what he really believes doesn't mean it's a lie, just not an updated truth? Or are you trying to say that just because he comes off nervous and that the current belief is inconsistent with past beliefs does not mean he is lying at all? Thanks!

People change their opinions on things all the time for any number or reasons. Plus at your ages everyone changes, when that change is in opposite directions it's most noticeable. If you change how you view something, it doesn't become a lie, nor does it when they do. And because someone else's opinion is different doesn't make it wrong. That is unless they suddenly start to argue the Earth is flat. And the moon really is made of cheese.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

People change their opinions on things all the time for any number or reasons. Plus at your ages everyone changes, when that change is in opposite directions it's most noticeable.

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I'm sorry to bother you again, but are you saying he changed his beliefs and didn't tell me? Or are you saying that he changed his beliefs but I assumed they were lies because they were different?

Pressing some one to explain themselves will make them nervous and even suspicious, and to be honest you seem to be way to pushy about this, beyond just curiosity. I doubt you get any understanding or the truth with this approach, at least none you would believe I dare say.

What difference does it make anyway?

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Originally Posted by Owlfireflies

I'm sorry to bother you again, but are you saying he changed his beliefs and didn't tell me? Or are you saying that he changed his beliefs but I assumed they were lies because they were different?

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I'm with talaniman. What differences does it make, he is under no obligation to inform anyone when he changes his opinion, nor is anyone else. Your constantly using the term "lies" indicates he is under some obligation to keep you informed, he isn't. He's entitled to change his mind anytime he wants about anything he wants without informing anyone. As are you.

You like chocolate ice cream and have for several years, if tomorrow you decide strawberry is your new favorite, it doesn't make liking chocolate a lie.

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Originally Posted by Owlfireflies

In middle school and freshman year, A guy friend-who is very worried about what people think and is a compulsive liar-of mine used to just randomly and somewhat nervously bring up stuff about homosexuality, wide eyes watching me cautiously for my reaction. Behind the scenes though, I found out that even though he was expressing homophobia, he was actually curious about it as shown by liking the Same Love music video, I guess trying to figure out what he believed and what he was. Sophomore year, he's more settled with himself, acts as if he doesn't really care about LGBT anymore. But if you ask him what he believes, he says "I don't approve of it, I think its disgusting" and then goes onto explaining how he feels about LGBT things and why, but seeming overall a bit nervous. He seemed tense and nervous for my reaction when he told me that because he wasn't turned gay that he believes gay people were born gay, went from solemn to mischievous to hand gestures then to giggling when he started explaining why and denying fear as the reason why he wouldn't read my essay about LGBT. Does it seem that he's lying? And if so, why do you think he would lie to me?

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Hi,

Bringing up opinions on LGBT+ at this point in history is a very scary thing to do. Somepeople will get attacked or worse for their views on the subject. It is a lack of civility that leads to people being skittish when expressing opinions. The main problem is that most people who disagree with an opinion will try to change it rather then accept that there is an opposing viewpoint.

For example, to say that pancakes are superior to waffles is a sound opinion. As is the opposite. While in 'Das Waffle Hause' if you were to express that opinion in casual conversation, there are some that will aceept your views on the humble waffle, but others will try to convert you to their views on waffles. Also how the circler waffles are inferior to the square and so on. The same would go with A waffle supporter in the IHOP.

The bottom line is a lot of people don't like:
- being judged for holding a unpopular opinion.
- having people force their opinions
- being told they're wrong
- conflict that arises from a debate on the subject.

It could be that he's had one too many conversations with people who were certain that he was wrong in his opinions and as such doesn't really want to openly talk about it.

This isn't really something I would spend a lot of time on. Why is it important to you? How doesn't his opinions affect you and your life?

This might be a shrug and let it go time.

Most people today that personally believe homosexuality is wrong, or at least should be private are "today" scared to be honest. You, yourself use the word homophobic which is of course just a stupid word, people are not scared of them, like they are going to do mass killings. They just believe it is wrong and that that behavior is morally incorrect. That does not make them scared of anything. It makes them have a belief. The word is used to scare people, from being honest, and is merely an attack by gay people, on people who have another belief.

So you do not seem open, to allow them their belief.

Middle school and early high school (while it should not) is often were sexual things are experimented and you find out who or what you are.

I would be more surprised if a persons views on any and everything does not change during middle and high school. Plus they keep changing all your life.

You seem to demand your fiend have and keep one belief and idea, which is really incorrect

My question is to you: why do you think total strangers online can know what he is thinking, based on your description?
If HE is confused about himself, he can ask people to help him understand.
By the time it gets to your observances, there's no way any stranger, no matter how mature and intuitive and insightful, can know.
It's between you and him. If he likes to lie, or likes to test people, or likes to find out about himself by lying and looking for reactions, then that's who he is.
There is no Handbook for People.
My suggestion is to take him and everyone else with equanimity. It's difficult enough to work on ourselves.

Ignorance. I am trying to hold back my tongue (type) on this one especially since we aren't even two weeks removed from 45+ LBGT people in my community being murdered by a coward.

What do you care if he is or if he isn't? Defining someone as gay is putting a box around someone and you don't have that right. Most of the time gay people don't do that to straight people. It's people like you and your attitude that makes gay people feel bad about themselves for being gay. It's sad really.

Sorry if this is harsh, but I live in Orlando. I am a little sensitive about bashing gay people at the moment.

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

Ignorance. I am trying to hold back my tongue (type) on this one especially since we aren’t even two weeks removed from 45+ LBGT people in my community being murdered by a coward.

What do you care if he is or if he isn’t? Defining someone as gay is putting a box around someone and you don’t have that right. Most of the time gay people don’t do that to straight people. It’s people like you and your attitude that makes gay people feel bad about themselves for being gay. It’s sad really.

Sorry if this is harsh, but I live in Orlando. I am a little sensitive about bashing gay people at the moment.

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Bravo! I've been thinking for a while how to respond to this poster, and couldn't find the words. You found them!

Wish I could rep you more than once.