Why would my dad keep his engagement secret from us?
I'm the eldest of 3. I'm 23, brothers aged 21 and 18. My parents split up about 4/5 years ago. My mum has remarried. However my dad has starting seeing a woman which I cannot stand. She is nearly 50 with no kids and still living with her mother. (He has seen another woman which I quite liked but that didn’t work out/ last.) Well my problem is that she turned up one night in Sept and slept over. No introduction etc... She has been on the scene ever since. Now she has made it very obvious that she does not want myself or my brother at home and has gone out of her way to make it as uncomfortable as possible. I always had plans to own a my own house and was at home saving for a deposit, however situations at home have got so strained that I cannot stand to be there. I have resorted to putting my name on housing lists to rent and am hoping to be out ASAP. However the lists aren’t great and I’m so far down that it isn’t happening. I now will never be able to buy as every penny I earn will have to go towards paying rent.
Now as things have gotten so bad (I won’t go into huge detail as it gets complicated.) For example they check up on what I have said. Asking my brother what has been said even if I haven’t mentioned them. My dad feeds back to her what I’ve done / said each day. She is stirring trouble continually. I used the cooker to put 1 pan for rice for my tea at which point she turned off all she was using and walked out for me then to have my dad come and shout at me as I “took over the kitchen” etc. She never said a word to me while doing it and wasn’t using the hob I was using. I’m now am not allowed to cook if she is there. (It’s easier to miss out tea / dinner so I don't have the arguments later). He has threatened to chuck me out so many times and I have left the last time he told me to get out. But with nowhere to stay had to come back. I have OCD which is dreadful at the minute and the fact that she has come in and replaced / got rid of things in the house is driving me mad. She even has the nerve to throw out my things hence why I have now gone around the house and taken out all my belonging and put them in my room. Even down to my toothbrush and toothpaste. They are even going on holiday which we weren’t told about, which was really humiliating when we were over at my neighbours and she asked if I was going and I knew nothing about it and had to reply with “I guess not”. Now he knows what I think of her and despite the fact that I tried being nice and making a real effort it is one sided and never going to work. We don't get on at all.
Besides all this my main problem is that I found out only 2 days ago that they are engaged. They got together at the beginning of Sept and were engaged by Christmas. Now the bit that gets to me is that my father hasn't told me or my brothers. (He doesn’t know that we have found out.) Now he has had 5 months so far to tell us. I don't think it is acceptable to find out on Facebook or that her family and friends know but they haven’t told his family. Also that he keeps lying to me and my brothers. Only a few weeks ago he told my brother and me that he had no intention of getting married again. Only yesterday they were talking and he told my brother he had no intention of getting married any time soon.
So if this is the case 1. Why is he engaged to her? 2. Why has he not even told his own kids? 3. What are you meant to say? I mean do I pretend I don’t know and wait and see when / if he ever tells us or do I confront him? I have so many things spinning around my head now. I know I can’t trust anything he tells us. He has completely changed since she has come on the scene. Sorry it’s so long.