Feeling detached and like an outsider in the relationship
This is difficult for me to describe as I'm not sure what it is that I am feeling…
I met my current partner 2 years ago, we were both divorced with grown up children. He and all of his family have always lived in the same town, his ex-wife lives here and his kids. I moved to this town only a few years ago from a big city and I have a handful of friends. I work full time in the city so it's nice to come back to some peace and tranquillity.
My partner and I now live together, I moved into his house as it made sense financially, I was at his place most of the time anyway, and was the next stage in the relationship. However, I still feel very detached from his family and sometimes even him. Should I really be bothered about his family at my age ? (45). His mum and his sisters and brothers all still have contact with his ex wife. That's fine, I'm not jealous and understand that it will take time to get to know his family properly. I'm not close to my family and never have been. I see my sister once a month or so and chat on the phone sometimes. I see my parents every few months if I make the effort to; they never contact me. My kids have all flown the nest and are still in the area but have their own lives now so I rarely see them.
My partner and I go to the local pub sometimes and I even feel like an outsider there ! Nobody seems to want to interact with me and they all stick together like a clan, and I get bored without conversation with like-minded people. I'm also scared that I'm going to get bored with my relationship eventually because of all this, even though I do love my partner; he is a lovely, kind and thoughtful person.
I am trying to understand how I feel so that I can deal with it. I sometimes think even though I am in this relationship, I am still quite lonely. I am an introvert by nature and although I am a pleasant and happy person, I do find it difficult to make new friends, especially at my age of 45. I have moved around the country quite a lot as an adult with work and the way I am feeling at the moment makes me want to up sticks again but I know that's not the answer. Maybe I just need to do my own thing a bit more, make an effort to get out more and make my own set of friends, get my own hobbies etc. I just struggle for time with work and to be honest I am struggling with 'empty nest syndrome' - it's only been a couple of months since my last child went away to Uni so I'm having to cope with that as well.
I'd be really grateful if anyone could comment or give any kind of advice on how to deal with these feelings I am having. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and if so, how did you deal with it?
Many thanks