Ask Me Help Desk - Did I do the right thing

Did I do the right thing

I have been living with my boyfriend after we have been broken up since teenagers. I have 2 teens (their father is deceased) and my boyfriend is a addict and very needy. He moved out because my daughter had friends over every weekend. I was emotionally exhausted by him, but now that he is gone I miss him so much. I thought we had not future because of his addiction to drugs but now I find myself suddenly alone. Should I have been more supportive toward him and fear of being around people and maybe tell my daughter that her friends could not just hang out at our house anymore?

I think you're missing him for all the wrong reasons. It sounds like you're just afraid of being alone and will settle for literally anything. As has been said many times, it's better to be alone for the right reason than to be with someone for the wrong reason.

Quote:

Originally Posted by s_cianci

I think you're missing him for all the wrong reasons. It sounds like you're just afraid of being alone and will settle for literally anything. As has been said many times, it's better to be alone for the right reason than to be with someone for the wrong reason.

What s_cianci says is absolutely correct.

No addict is worth making your own children compromise, and you should not expect them to. When push comes to shove, your children will be there for you and he will be in a totally other world. You cannot change him, and he will not change on his own.

Being without him will give you and your family a chance to enjoy each other and you will have ample opportunity to get to know someone you deserve.
I bet those kids of yours will probably respect you more now than they did when he was taking up all of your valuable time.

Hoping you and your's will have a happy holiday season.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_2_26.gifNever give up your kids for loosers!!

Comment on Chery's post

It was to the point and supportive

I'm asking myself why you have a drug addicted person in your home with your kids there.
Bad company is worse than no company. You don't need someone like that and your children definitely don't need that in their lives.

He did not use drugs in the home. He hid his action and stayed in his room all of the time. I realize that he is not the best example for my children. We have a history of twenty years and that is why it is difficult... I think

It doesn't matter whether he used drugs in your home. The point is that he used drugs to feed his addiction, regardless of where he used them... and to even think for second that you should have told your daughter not to have friends over because this guy didn't like it, would be a major error on your part. He obviously needs to sort out his own issues, and that is not something that you or your daughter need to be around for. I'm sure that having a 20 year past may have something to do with it, but in all reality, you are afraid of being alone and not to be negative, but it sounds like you are lacking your own self confidence a little bit because he left you. You need to reassure yourself that you didn't do anything wrong and that you need to move on, just you and your daughter, at least for now.

Thanks for all the comments. The truth can be brutal; but it is the truth. I know what I have to do and all of your comments will help me stand firm since has of 12/10/07, this man is wanting to come back.
Thans again everyone!

I applaud you for putting your chidren first. Stick to your guns, you deserve much better than him. Good Luck, and much happiness.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rbnla

Thanks for all the comments. The truth can be brutal; but it is the truth. I know what I have to do and all of your comments will help me stand firm since has of 12/10/07, this man is wanting to come back.
Thans again everyone!

Hang in there. You are doing what is best for you and your children. I wish you the best.

Of course he wants to come back. He never had it so good anywhere else and probably never will again. But it might help him see that the lifestyle he's leading is wrong and it might help him straighten out. I sounds drastic, but necessary.. honey, just tell him to stay away, it is the best for all of you even if it hurts in the beginning.. I promise it will get better.

Lots of hugs and best wishes.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/8/8_2_99.gif