Ask Me Help Desk - Push-Pull Push-Pull

My Ex GF and I have been boken up for 3months now. We are still totally connected and a lot of the time I feel that we are still in love with each other. We were together for 4.5 years. When we broke up she started to date this guy, A guy that she admitted to having a crush on while we were together. Since the breakup the two of them do not seem to be really having the "fairy tale" relationship either. They hardly hangout and don't seem to have similar interests or goals. She knows that I would like to work things out with her and she has said multiple times that she feels like she is making a mistake by leaving me. But she needs to see things through with him so there is not ever a question about him again. Which brings me to the question. She and I are Bestfriends, have similar interests, goals. Our conversations are great. We love each other a great deal. But we are COMFORTABLE and I don't know if that is good? I think if I was to play a little aloof or just not so available to her, things would change. Please help with any sugestions on bringing some intruige back to this relationship. How to I make her feel the SPARK again after 5 years? Cause I still have it for her.

I would say call her up make a plan to go do something. Then show up at her door with flowers and dressed to the nines. When she answers the door plead to her that she is the best thing in your life and you want to try this relationship again. Knock her socks off!

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Originally Posted by x2scorp

I would say call her up make a plan to go do something. Then show up at her door with flowers and dressed to the nines. When she answers the door plead to her that she is the best thing in your life and you want to try this relationship again. Knock her socks off!!

That will not work unless the goal is to make him look incredibly foolish and desperate.

Stressed, you have hit the nail on the head. She is to comfortable with you and quite honestly expects you to stay around. She is using you as a back up plan in case this other guy doesn't work out. It's sad that she through away all that time for a "crush." To me that tells you every thing you need to know about trusting her, you can't.

But if you want to see this through you have to back off and NOT be so available. If she asks you what your doing this weekend tell her something that you would normally not do like skydiving or white water rafting. Something adventurous. If she talks to you make fun of her. Don't talk to her, tease her. If she starts telling you her problems cut her off and flat out tell her, you don't want to hear it and you will not be available as her emotional dumping ground anymore. If she gets mad at you don't start apologizing or trying to make it better, let her calm down and come back to you, not the other way around. You didn't ask for this so you don't owe her anything. Also let her do the contacting of you, don't contact her, and when she does keep it short.

Make it very clear you have a life...A new life.
Never be 100% available. In fact, try to be 100% unavailable.

When a woman looks at a better life from afar, it makes them want to wander towards it. The trick is that you need to move on... she'll find you when she is ready. By that time you may have another girl's toothbrush in your bathroom.