Update: today is July 9, 2005
Thank you very much for responding.
Although nothing has changed as far as my daughter, I have changed. I'm not sure if for the better, but I don't hurt as much as I did.
I think that my heart has turned cold. The only way not to hurt, is to not care.
I loved and liked my daughter more than anything in this world. I, in fact, idolized her. She brought me joy.
After this past year, I don't feel the same way about her. I think that I love her, but I don't like her. I am always pleasant to her, and we seem to have a superficial relationship.
She works 3 jobs, and the painter doesn't work. She support him and his kid. She has no life. She teaches school during the day, then she goes to the dance studio (5 miles from where I live) and then she comes to the town where we live to work in her dad's showroom. It is less than a mile from our house. She has to PASS our house to get home! She works aat the showroom on Saturdays until 1 PM.
She makes the obligatory holiday visit. (I never knew what chew and screw meant before this!) She has given me expensive presents for Christmas and Mother's Day.
Please don't think that is a good thing. I grew up that way. My parents were millionaires. I always got expensive gifts in the mail from wherever they were on holiday. I don't need or want things. My husband and I have good jobs and can buy things for ourselves. From the time my kids were babies, I'd always tell them that the only gift I ever wanted or needed was them. For Christmas, Mother's day, birthday, I'd tell them that all that I wanted was to be with them, that's what I loved the most. When my daughter was in college, I heard her tell people that. She'd proudly tell people that her mother only wanted to be with her family, that was the most precious gift of all.
I guess nothing lasts forever. I was so lucky to have such a wonderful. Loving daughter for 26 years 9 months... until the paiter. One good thing,though... for months people would give me advice. Tell me that I had to accept the painter. I knew in my heart that they were wrong, but I always wondered if it was me. Now, I am 100% sure it wasn't me. I was totally right about the scum. I won't accept him because he is BAD. I wouldn't buy drugs for a junkie or alcohol for an alcoholic, and I love my daughter too much to accept the evil scum. What she does is her mistake to make, but I won't be part of it. Apparently, she never cared about me, because of the way she has treated me this past year.
Sure it husts that she doesn't visit, but I refuse to tell her how much it hurts again. I've been there, done that. I thought she cared, but she still doesn't so I'm the fool!
She hurt me sooooooo much last year on my birthday. I cried and begged her not to go off with the painter that she had just met, I cried and begged her to spend my birthday with me. I was an a$$! She didn't care, and now I don't. Oh, her new thing is coming around on holidays and birthdays. Call me an immature b!tch, but there is no way on God's green earth I will let her hurt me so she can feel better about herself. I don't care if I go sit on the beach by myself for 24 hours! I refuse to be around so she can deliver some expensive gift and make her obligatory 5 minute visit. She does that for HER.
By the way, I told her that it hurt my feelings that she only came by for me to do her hair, and she stopped coming by that once a month.
I still pay for the beemer and insurance. The lease is up in February, and she will have to turn it in. I decided not to take on that fight, because I could afford it, and I I'm tired of fighting and hurting.
Your feedback and comments are very welcome. Thanks!
sadmom