Manipulative mother-in-law
My husband and I have been together for 10 years. We have 2 sons together ages 5 and 2. When my first son was born my in laws were excited. They stocked up their home for their first grandchild. I too was excited to give my in laws their first grandchild. We would get together every Sunday and watch the Sopranos, we would have dinner outings everything was great... mind you this was before we married and after the birth of our first son. My husband and I decided to get married when our son was 2 years old. It seems like as soon as we starting talking about the wedding things between us and my inlaws went down hill. My husband is the oldest of 4 and was the only child for almost 10 years... so here is where it all began.
Before our rehearsal dinner I was asked if my husbands family can give my husband a special gift. Of course I said yes, I mean my mother had bought me my dress. So they gave him a Rolex watch. Again I thought this was a gift, as my wedding dress was a gift from my mother. When we went to open our envelopes after the wedding, I realized my in laws did not give us a card or anything for that matter. Come to find out the watch was the WEDDING GIFT. My in laws as well as my parents had a list of people they invited to the wedding. My parents helped pay for their share of guests plus more. I thought that my in laws too would contribute, am I wrong for thinking this?
Next came the Christmas ordeal. Before we were married I received gifts like everyone else. Now only my son and husband received gifts and in abundance. I received a cheap card that said Merry Christmas. I am not greedy, however I think that is a bold statement when you go from getting me things, to nothing at all, but still buy for my family? Each Christmas this became a repeat. We always made sure we saw my inlaws for holidays, sometimes inconviencing my own family. But that was my husbands family and I wanted to make things work.
Then my husband and I found out we were pregnant again. We were so happy. I figured no use in being upset about the wedding and xmas ordeal, it was time to move on. We decided we needed a bigger home, our 2 bdrm condo was no place to raise 2 children. We bought a house that needed some work because we live in NJ and this is an expensive state and we could not afford more then what we had gotten. My parents offered us the money to close on the house so we could use our extra money to make it livable. After we moved in and I was only 2 months away from having my second child my husband lost his job. Money was tight, very tight, so I went back to work as a waitress working nights, while he tried to start up his own business. My parents helped us out tremendously with babysitting and purchasing necessities that we were unable to buy at the time. My in laws offered no help. Mind you they live well and can afford to. They would not even help with babysitting. One time I called up because I really was in a corner and they made up excuse after excuse. Later we found out that they just did not want to baby sit. This became the usual answer we got from that point forward. Still I tried to make things work because this was my husbands family. We purchased tickets to a broadway show for his parents, my husband purchased a cell phone for his mother, right before I had my second son. He had paid on it for a year... but when money started to get tight, he asked her if she could now pick up the payments because we could not afford our own bills.
Then came the trip to the Bahamas. With all the stress of losing his job, having a baby a new mortgage and being flat out broke, my in laws tell me they are sending us on a cruise and they were paying for everything. So after my husband convinced me into going we went. I had a good time, however I was upset with the fact that some money still had to come out of our pocket, you know tipping, food on land, etc... So we spent money that could have went elsewhere. My MIL took it all in with grand assault as if she had done something wonderful for us, my parents thought it was so nice of them to do that... that was until... she called my parents and told them that they had to pay for my half of the trip. So it was a gift to my husband not to me. My parents were in shock when they called and asked them for the money, because they did not even discuss this with my MIL.
While we were on our cruise we left our children in the care of both grandparents. While my MIL had my children, I had found out that she had taken a bath with my 3 year old son. Now mind you this is a grown women bathing naked with my 3 year old son. After that I no longer let them watch my children. My husbands aunt called me and asked me how I liked the trip to the Bahamas, I told her it was nice, but a little quiet at night. I was exhausted from being upset having to spend our money, and my parents having to pay, and finding out my son had taken a bath with his grandmother... so I didn't sound all excited on the phone. The aunt picked up on this and called my MIL and told her that I did not like my trip. Of course that rocked the boat even more!
Next came my sons Christening. I asked my SIL to be the godmother. She agreed. His mother was upset because we asked my husbands best friend to be the godfather instead of my husbands 10 yr old brother. That was a decision my husband came to not me, but me being the evil one got the blame. I had called up and asked for the families addresses so I can invite them to the baptismal, I was told that no one in the family would be there so do not bother. Tensions were high and my MIL did not come to the baptismal. The only people that came were my FIL and my SIL. And that was because my SIL is 15 yrs old and one of her parents needed to be there, it is a special even for her as well. Why would she do that to her grandson, son and daughter? If you hate me that is fine but be there for them! My husband and I soon started to argue, because he sat on the sidelines and did not acknowledge what was going on.
A few weeks went by and I my MIL called to speak to my husband, yes I am mad at this women, but I answered the phone, she asked for my husband and in a hurry I handed him the phone. I was not trying to be rude, but the baby was fussing and I had my hands full so I was not able to say hi how are you and carry on a conversation. I know you have all been there. Well this upset her. After they hung up she called back, I had answered and she told me you're a f***in B**** and I hated you too and hung up on me. My husband called back no one answered. 15 yr old SIL called & apologized to me for her mother behavior and she told me her mother hates me because I married her son.That was the last straw!
Before all this I had spoken several times to my MIL, apologizing for whatever it is that is making her unhappy, I have tried and tried and tried to make things right. What it boils down to is she is not happy that I married her son, and have taken him away from her. My husband is torn because she has his siblings which 2 of them are under the age of 18.
After lots of arguing and fighting my husband started to come around. I do understand where he is coming from, I mean it is his family and you can not choose who they are. When the holidays came around my FIL called and wanted to see the kids, my husband told him you need to apologize to my wife first. So my MIL called, we ended up playing phone tag and never ended up talking. Everything went by the way side. Suddenly they were coming to my house on Friday nights, when I was at work. They would wait until I left then come pulling up. I told my husband that it was not right that they only come around when I am not home, that we are a family and I should be included. So I called them to invite them for pizza, they never showed, because they knew I was going to be there. In the end they are trying to come between my husband and I. They know it hurts me when they come over when I am not around. Finally after arguing my husband told them that I needed to be included too, needless to say that do not come around anymore.
My husband still speaks to them and every now and then we get into an argument because he wants to bring the kids to them, etc. But they go months without talking to my children or us, if my children or sick or in the hospital they do not call... then pop back in and try to ruffle the waters.. what am I to do?