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My friend was separated from her husband, but still married, when he was fatally injured in an automobile collision. She is having a hard time with his accidental death and wonders if she could have done something different in her relationship that would have prevented his death. Thank you
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Originally Posted by George_1950
There's no way to know, without knowing the circumstances, if she could have prevented his death.
When a loved one dies that's always an open question.
This is a question that is often answered with a pat answer, no. I think it deserves more than that. When we lose someone we ALL wonder what if, what if, what could I have done? The answer starts with ancient myths of Fate, starting with Oedipus, the king who did everything he could to avoid the prophesy that he would kill his father and marry his mother. A simple daily question might be what if I hadn't let him use my car, or if I had had it fixed, or if I hadn't talked too long and he might have left sooner and not been hit? The answer is that there might have been an even more horrible event, totally different. You step off the curb and are hit by a truck, or you work late and there is a gas explosion.
Now what about her guilt over the separation? If she left him, let her explore that, don't try to sweep it under the rug of 'it's not your fault.' It isn't her fault, but she needs to let it out while someone just listens. And when it's really all out, then they can say 'He died because he was in a collision. He might have been distracted by a bee or a song on the radio or a pretty woman walking by, or he might have been driving with complete attention and yet was blindsided by Chance. Take it from there - how life is a series of infinite turns that could have happened, each either fortunate or not.
Also, help her celebrate his life and their time together. Write down good memories and things about him that were funny and heartwarming. Plant a memory tree or bush.
- and I will add: listen to her. If she says the same thing 1,000 times, listen to her.
She needs to get out the pain, the grief, her concerns.
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