Hi, I have a question that I've been wondering about for a long time. I had to see a obgyn since I was 12, due to ovarian cancer being in my family. So I went to see this one doctor, but every time I would see him, he would ignore me when I said that he was hurting me, or that I was over reacting... I learned later when I was 19 or 20 that he was using tools meant for pregnant women on me. Is this normal? Or am I a victim of malpractice or rape. Because I still fear going to see the obgyn, and I'm 26 now.

The speculum, the "tool" the doctor used, is the same for pregnant women and non-pregnant women. There are, however, different sizes.

At 12 years old, and a virgin, this is going to be painful with even the smallest speculum. You were not raped, and most likely there is no malpractice. If there were malpractice, the statute of limitations has run out for you to sue.

Ever consider another OB/GYN? You don't have to continue with someone you are not confident or comfortable with.

I have since changed OBGYNs, and I have found out that he used the wrong speculum size on me (thank you J_9) instead of using the smallest on that he had, which would have been appropriate for a 12 yr old virgin, he used a large one that would be better for pregnant women, or women who have had children. If you are wondering why I am only addressing this now after years, it's mainly because I've kind of been suppressing it. I asked around today about him, and I have now learned that he had to leave his job due to a whole bunch of lawsuits. I'm really happy to know that I wasn't over reacting and that I wasn't the only one.

You were not overreacting. Your pain is yours, and no one else can tell you different. I wonder though, 12 years of age is way too young for pelvic exams of this sort, even with a history of female cancers.

Reason for that is because I had periods that were too heavy. My doctor got worried and had me go get an ultrasound, only to have the ultrasound doctor say that I had a tumor the size of a golf ball on my ovary. So I had to go to a specialist, go through a whole bunch of tests, only to find out it wasn't a tumor, just a blood cyst. Though because of the cyst, the specialist recommended that I see an obgyn just in case. To sum it all up, a tumor scare is why I had to see an obgyn at 12.

That makes sense then.

My advice to you would be to be upfront and honest with your OB/GYN. Let them know about your past experience, thus your fears. If they cannot accommodate you and make you feel relaxed and trust them, it would be time to find a new one. A Google OB/GYN will understand and be very gentle with your fears and future exams.

Thank you so much for the advice J_9. I've actually found out that my family doctor is also an obgyn, so I don't really have to go looking.

Your family doctor practices family medicine. In many cases that means that he/she also provides prenatal care, delivers babies, and cares for the baby after delivery. That does not, though, make him/her an OB/GYN. They are 2 different specialties.

Oh, I didn't know that. All I know when talking to her, is that she can do my yearly exam for me.

She can do your yearly exam, but she may or may not be licensed to give prenatal care or deliver a baby should you ever get pregnant.

I'm very OK with that, though If I ever do have a baby, I'm sure she will recommend someone fantastic to me.