I was told by my sister as a By The Way comment in a text, that my engaged nephew had gotten married the weekend before. It hurt my feelings, not that I didn't get invited, but that I wasn't told he was going to, and when I was, it was an afterthought.

Am I obligated to send a gift, money or card?

Confused Uncle.

This has nothing to do with wedding etiquette. If you were not told it may have been an oversight, who knows. You are not obligated to do anything but if you were close then yes, send a card and monetary gift. It is up to you.

You are under no obligation to do anything except what you want to do. I do not know the circumstances of his marriage or his oversight to inform you, but if it were me before I get carried away with a bruised ego, I would surely speak to my nephew, and get it from the horses mouth, and go from there.

I doubt you were the only family member to find out after the fact by word of mouth.

This is about 10 days old so maybe you already addressed this. I would probably send a card with $50. If I had gone to the wedding, it would have been $100. People go to a lot of expense related to weddings, so I give more if I attend.

This would be you going above and beyond, and as the uncle, I think that's a good example to set. As the uncle, you are also in a position to razz the kid - maybe without his new wife present and let him know you'd have liked to have known in advance.

There could be more to the story - perhaps she's pregnant, her parents object, they can't afford a wedding - so I would tread lightly. Weddings are often, but not always, social events for the family and I'm glad to read your comment that you aren't mad about not being invited. Some people seethe for years when the couple simply wanted to keep the matter private and didn't mean to hurt anyone.