I have a 13 year old boy and a 4 you old daughter. My son, like most boys, is in and out of trouble all the time, so for a while he has had limited time on the computer and TV. Well yesterday, I come out of my room to find my son looking up porn on the computer. This is not the first time I have caught him, in fact this time I would say it's a lot of mild T&A. In the past I have found the really bad free websites, my son knows I can look up and see exactly what and when he is looking this up, so this time all of it was from u-tube, something I allow him to look at, not knowing pics and videos are on it like that.

I understand he is a 13 year old boy, and I understand this is completely natural. My big concern is my daughter is running around him as he's looking this up and some of the pics and videos are of little girls, little, as in his age or so. I do not know what to do. He is just a 13 year old boy. My husband says when he was little his dad gave him his first porn and said, if you tell you mother I will only deny it. My husband has always been so amazed on that talk with his dad and now understands why he did. He even asked me if I thought he should do the same. I of corse said no, I can't condone it and if I find some in his room, I will have to throw it away. My husband understand that. But we are at the point, what should we do. I do not want my daughter seeing that stuff and if my son is going to see or watch porn... I cannot believe I am to this point... I do not want him looking at little girls, I do not want any sort of kiddie porn in any which way in my home.

Yes I have talked to him and he knows why I do not approve. But he is a little boy. Any suggestions?

He is just a boy, its normal at his age, you should let your husband give him the magazine so that he can look at it while your daughter isn't around and won't see those images. This calls for a talk from on man to another, I think your husband should talk to him about it.

WOW - I got to say - I guess I'm going to be viewed as prudish or something - but while I understand boys will be curious, etc... allowing him to look at porn?? HELL NO! That's NOT real life - if he's curious, that means he has questions... those questions need to be answered by a parent or a caring adult.

I would terminate any computer activity (and have when I had that issue with my step son)... when my SS was accessing that on the computer he then found a way of connecting to some kind of paying thing... $600 later is when we found out about it... then he got the cable company (Direct TV) to unlock the porn channels - that was after I told them I didn't want them accessible AT ALL and asked they put a flag on the account to note that NO ONE can authorize that unless they received it in writing... in one month there was several hundred dollars in pay per view charges - we cancelled Direct TV and paid all but the porn charges.

Teaching our sons about sex and love is important... it's MORE important that they learn from a caring adult - NOT the smut they find on the computer or cable!

I say put a password on the internet so he can't access porn, explain to him about sex and human bodies.

Yipes! Kids do it. You can't buy it until your 18. It should be enforced by parents.

There is something fundamentally wrong because he knows you can see yet still does it. That's a problem. Enforcing is harder today. For enforcement, you have only one solution - put the computer in a common area.

Want to get real freaky, modulate it to a cable channel and make the screen available everywhere in the house. Digital TV is going to mess this up a bit. You might need some physical security to go with this.

There is the problem of right and wrong:
KP is punishable by jail time. Find some newspaper articles and show him what happens when the images just exist. Each one is a count.

In front of the 4 YO is very bad too. Parents have sex, but don't do it with the door open and children in the house.

Time and place concepts need to be taught. He CANNOT do this in front of a 4 year old.

Porn can be an addiction, but hopefully now it's a curiosity thing.

What about psychotherapy?

Kids have interest but no good parent allows their kids to look at porn

I will be honest my first though was someone should be calling child and family services on a family that has no problem with a 13 year old looking at porn and is only concerned because the 4 year old may see it.

You put a porn blocker on your computer so no one in the home has to view and look at it.

Curious yes, allowed to look at it, no way.

Truthfully, it think that 13 year olds are supposed to look up porn... maybe that came out wrong... but what I mean is... guys are very curious about the subject at that age and truthfully should be able to find out what they need to know with out being scared that someone might find out... the bad thing=it can junk up your computer and cause many viruses... so be carfull... about your daughter... well, get a lock on the door!

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Originally Posted by kraamermich

Truthfully, it think that 13 year olds are supposed to look up porn...maybe that came out wrong...but what i mean is...guys are very curious about the subject at that age and truthfully should be able to find out what they need to know with out being scared that somone might find out...the bad thing=it can junk up your computer and cause many viruses...so be carfull....about your daughter....well, get a lock on the door!

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I'm shocked at these responses!

Kiddie porn on you tube? If you have seen girls his age in porn type video, YOU should be calling the police, not worrying that your daughter saw it!

Just because a child is curious about something, does not mean they should be allowed to satisfy that curiosity. What if he was curious about how it felt to stab someone? I know that is a leap from porn, but, you get the point.

Get a program that will block those images, or get rid of the computer.

It is NOT OK to allow him to look at porn.

Firstly at 13 I am sure he knows a lot of things that you don't realise. I can see it is very hard when you have a younger child in the house. I think the internet can be dangerous for young minds and that your husbands idea is a good one. At least that way you will know exactly what your son is looking at and you can regulate it. Explain that you don't want it left around the house for his sister to see and explain to him the dangers of surfing adult sites. Hope this helps I know its not easy with any children.:)

OKay... wait...

Is this really porn? Or is it cute girls his own age in skimpy clothes? Is this actually nudity and sex acts? Or girls dancing around trying to be sexy?

There's a HUGE difference there!

Everyone's jumping all over the kiddy porn thing, and I'm doubting that the YouTube site would allow that in any way, shape, or form.

1. Lock up the computer.
2. Do not ALLOW him to look at porn. Maybe he'd like a drink too?
3. Teach your son about love. Tell him about respecting another persons body and his own. Answer the questions, don't encourage an unhealthy attitude about women and sex.

For God's sake does nobody think that healthy attitudes about sex and love are issues to be taught to our children anymore. "Well it's only normal curious behavior...they're supposed to at that age". And that's why we have pregnant children. What they are supposed to do at that age is learn how to respect others and themselves, they are supposed to learn what it means to have a healthy relationship, they are supposed to learn what it means to value a person, honor them. They are not supposed to be fed crap that elicits dangerous addictions, degradation of others, to view women as objects instead of humans.

I hate that porn is so accepted in our society. Yes, boys will look at it, yes men will look at it but should it just be accepted? Sorry, no. What part of porn really leads you to learn to love someone else? It doesn't, it only self satisfies... that is not love! Maybe if we taught our boys better we'd have better men!

There is a great filter out there it is K9 (www.k9webprotection.com/ ) you can put it on your computer. It barks if someone tries to go on a website that is a really bad website. It also tracts how many times a dite was blocked. It works very well, because there are times when you can innocently go on to a site. You should try to protect your son form this. The more he sees porn the harder it is to stop.

Stop pushing around with them! It is totally normal and for kids to watch porn, when the hormones begin to rage inside of you! Have you any idea, how many in a grade that is having sex [with themselves!] ? He will find a way to watch porn, no matter what you do.

Basically my answer is: Talk to him, and let him. Its not a big deal. (Unless he is watching the really creepy stuff, like bestiality!)

I think its time for a kids point of veiw. I'm 20 YO and have been looking up porn since I was 16. I think I've turned out great. I consider myself a gentlemen and conserderate to others. I've never disrespected a woman or her body.us in fact, I'm abstinent. My parents never knew about me looking up porn, but I think their teaching and parenting has taught about love and sex. Just be an example love like you've always been to him and he'll learn for himself.

People have been looking at girlie magazines for 200 years. The internet is just another convenient magazine. It is so ubiquitous, though, that unlike mags, it can be a bit addicting, so men will need to be aware of that possibility and guard against it.

Meanwhile, you are correct. It doesn't automatically mean you're turning out wrong in other ways or incapable/unlikely to have a successful relationship.

It CAN lead to that, so do be careful, but it's not an automatic reality.

Thanks for the feedback from another point of view.

None of you even remember what it's like to be that age do you? Well your son has probably hit puberty and his friends are all talking about porn as well, its part of life at that age. Nearly every other kid at that age is doing the same thing whether you realize it or not. Of course guys are interested in sex, its always been one of our infatuations. Accept it or not, its your decision. It's not like you can block it out of his life forever.

Of course we remember what it's like to be that age.

Some of us ALSO remember that there are better ways to handle it than letting the kid spend hours at the computer watching women that no REAL woman will ever measure up to.

Let him whack off to images in his head of the bra strap he saw on the cute girl at school--he doesn't need porn at that age.

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Originally Posted by ktfrear

I have a 13 year old boy and a 4 you old daughter. My son, like most boys, is in and out of trouble all the time, so for a while he has had limited time on the computer and tv. Well yesterday, I come out of my room to find my son looking up porn on the computer. This is not the first time I have caught him, in fact this time I would say its a lot of mild T&A. In the past I have found the realy bad free websites, my son knows I can look up and see exactly what and when he is looking this up, so this time all of it was from u-tube, something I allow him to look at, not knowing pics and videos are on it like that.

I understand he is a 13 year old boy, and I understand this is completly natural. My big concern is my daughter is running around him as he's looking this up and some of the pics and videos are of little girls, little, as in his age or so. I do not know what to do. He is just a 13 year old boy. My husband says when he was little his dad gave him his first porn and said, if you tell you mother I will only deny it. My husband has always been so amazed on that talk with his dad and now understands why he did. He even asked me if I thought he should do the same. I of corse said no, I can't condone it and if I find some in his room, I will have to throw it away. My husband understand that. But we are at the point, what should we do. I do not want my daughter seeing that stuff and if my son is going to see or watch porn....I cannot beleive I am to this point.....I do not want him lookin at little girls, I do not want any sort of kiddie porn in any which way in my home.

Yes I have talked to him and he knows why I do not approve. But he is a little boy. Any suggestions?

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He is going to watch porn no mater what period some kids never watch it but if he is 13 and already watching he isn't going to stop until he is having sex so you should let your husband have the porn talk with him and maybe scare him away from porn or your son will continue to watch porn whether you like it or not

I agree even if you bar him from the computer and put passwords on it hell find a way around it (kids are clever like that) besides the more you keep him away from it the more hell want to look and THIS is when it will become an obsession. Ive been looking at porn since I was 6(showtime late nights awsome lol) and I'm not a mass murder I graduated college,sell avon and plan on becoming a children's advocate. With that said he shouldn't be looking at kiddie porn because its illegal but from his standpoint he's 13 so he's going to want to see girls his own age naked because frankly the legal porn stars are too old for him and he knows it men like women that are obtainable... so for him the girls in kiddie porn are obtainable but its still illegal. Talk to him about it... try to scare him away from pron all you like but if he's anything like a normal teen hell just do it behind your back.

Take it into consideration times have changed.
Schools aren't so innocent anymore, kids talk about plenty of things that most 30 year old men don't even know about.
There's not a lot you can do because if you attempt to shut him off completely from it he'll become rebellious.

OK people its natural for a teen to sant to see porn if you paid attention in history which I guess you haven't 13&14 year old were getting married and having more kids because people didn't live long that is the way the body works every one is able to be sexualy active at 13 or 14 I say regulate him teach him he needs to know about sex don't leave him to learn from internet kids who look at porn can turn out to be perfect gentlemen it all depends on you if you teach them right or wrong