I sought the help of a therapist & feel worse than ever. Why?
I have tried & still want to die. Shame on those I know & knew for rejecting & hurting me. If there is any justice they will know this one day & feel bad.

Hi loplop, I remember you from years ago!
The fact that you think we know why you feel worse after seeing a therapist says a LOT about you. It's incredibly naive.
The fact that you think that those who have rejected you deserve shame and some sort of 'justice' says even more.
PLEASE go back to the therapist, or find another one. You don't say how many times you went. It can take weeks, months, years.

I benefited more from group therapy in my 71 years. You would too, I think, because you will find that your problems are not unique, PLUS there's always someone worse off!
When I was a depressed teen at home, I used to think ''One of these days I'll get (hit by a car, fill in the blanks for death) and then they'll be sorry.''
But even though I spent the next gazillion years in and out of depression, I never said that again. Grow up! NO ONE on this earth is responsible for any adult.

Now let's get practical: How old are you? Are you working? Do you live alone, able to take care of yourself? How many visits to the therapist? Do you want to be dead, or do you want to kill yourself? Please answer all 5.

"I sought the help of a therapist & feel worse than ever. Why?"

We don't know what you discussed with your therapist so there is little we can do.

"Shame on those I know & knew for rejecting & hurting me. If there is any justice they will know this one day & feel bad".

So you are angry and apparently depressed---And somehow this helps?

March 2012 you wrote:-

"Farewell".

6 years of self anguish?

If the therapist you're seeing is making you feel worse, get a different therapist. Not all therapists are a good fit, you have to shop around and find one that you mesh with. That can take time.

You want the people that rejected you and hurt you to feel bad. Unlikely that they will. How did they hurt you? Is it because they rejected your friendship or love interest? They have the right to decide who they want in their lives, and if they chose not to have you in their life they shouldn't feel bad about that, nor should you want them to. It says a lot about you that you want them to suffer because of their rejection.

What does it say about me?

That you are a fatalistic sourpuss.

You honestly don't know what it says about you that you wish others hurt and pain because they rejected you? Think about it. Is wishing others pain because they wouldn't give you what you want, a good thing, or a bad thing?

I've been called a fatalistic sourpuss.
Not in those exact words...
I'm just more clever at hiding it as needed for social connection.

I know it is a bad thing, but when others do bad things to you why should you have to internalize it all the time? And these people are not strangers, I have helped them, shown them human compassion & they cannot even show human compassion in return. I know I am not a bad human, just a human who has had bad thing happen to them & has never been shown human compassion

Its worse when you make public blanket negative statements without one shred of evidence or example, while making yourself some type of hero. Classic victim, and blaming everyone else but yourself. You want fair, then you are going to have to help us out a whole lot more than you have because frankly it's hard to understand or be sympathetic or empathetic with nothing but a negative diatribe.

I don't mean to be rude, and this may be harsh, but I must ask, if you are off your meds or what? Give me facts not just feelings PLEASE.

Stop helping people if you can't help them without expectation of a return.

BE A FRIENDLY PERSON. And by friendly, that means showing as much interest, if not more, in the other person, than you do in 'presenting' yourself. Get outside yourself. The faster you get outside of yourself, whether it's just going on and on about how good you are at something, or what music and movies you like, or showing off how much you know, the faster you will be liked. Stop giving things, paying for things, doing things. Just be NICE, FRIENDLY, and INTERESTED in them.

Here is an example, I proactively say "Good Morning" & "Have a good night" , “How are things going” to multiple people at the start of each & at the end of each day saying their name. If someone was sick the previous day, I say “I hope you feel better” or if they were out, I say “I hope your appointment or whatever activity they were doing went well”. Or if they are going on vacation I say “I hope you have a nice vacation”. I have done this for months. But, yet no one says any of the same things back to me proactively. Also, in doing this I keep getting a vibe from them that I should just leave them alone. If someone, reached out to you like this, would you say nothing to them day after day & make them feel this way?

''Proactively'' might be a word to use here, but only AFTER words such as friendly and interested and caring. You sound like you are expecting a return on your investment. Do you smile? Do you actually mean any of it? Do you like the people you say it to?

I'm guessing that they just don't like you, but why is something only they can say. You don't have bad breath or scummy teeth, or massive dandruff, or smell, or have really weird clothes or mannerisms? You don't plant yourself in front of them (I know a very good person who does that so much he's actually been arrested for 'accosting' people), or do anything else people find scary? Do you criticize at work? Are you a know it all? Do you express real interest in them, past saying hello? Do you reveal any of yourself in little bits and pieces?

You have only one good option that I can see. Find the one person who seems to be the most willing to sit down with you in private for 10 minutes, and you ask him or her to be very blunt about what puts everyone off so much. I THINK we can see here just a bit of the reasons, however - you have a very un-feeling way of dealing with life, and a high expectation that the world owes you something, whether as a return for your proactive greetings or not.

loplop, I almost missed this part --- 'I know I am not a bad human, just a human who has had bad thing happen to them & has never been shown human compassion.'

Please give us a tiny clue what has happened to you. It isn't easy to show compassion towards you, but that's because of the way you talk.
Maybe you really have good reason to be this way.

Yes, I smile, I mean it, & like the people I proactively interact with. I am a bit weird, but I do not bother or accost people. I do not criticize, I am not a know it all. I do not go much beyond saying hello, because I am shy, & do not reveal myself because I am not interesting to other people & have nothing much in common with others. What has happen is that I had no friends, I tried to make friends for years now & still have no friends. In the process, when I tried to make friends I got taken advantage of, verbally bullied/abused & given the cold shoulder.

If you would give us a little clue about your life, maybe we could figure out why they are the way they are (and why you sound so cold)!

I wake up get accosted & verbally abused by my parents, I go to work put on a happy face & do my greetings & get the cold shoulder & often bullied/mocked at work for the rest of the day while be forced to watch & listen to co-workers be happy & friendly with each other about common interests & a fulfilled life I do not have but they have. I then go home get accosted & verbally abused by my folks again, sleep & repeat.

Is it possible you have Asperger's? Everything you've written here makes a strong case for that.

I have always though that, but who diagnosis's that? I would like to go to the correct professional to determine if I have that, then perhaps if I let people know that it would help?

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Originally Posted by loplop

I have always though that, but who diagnosis's that? I would like to go to the correct professional to determine if I have that, then perhaps if I let people know that it would help?

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There might be a psychologist or social service agency in your area that will diagnose you. Be VERY careful. My son spent $1500 on a psychologist who didn't know what he was doing. Finally, my son was diagnosed by a doctor at Little Friends, in Illinois. I don't know exactly where you are. Call Little Friends for a referral.

https://www.littlefriendsinc.org/

Little Friends Center for Autism

140 N. Wright Street
Naperville, IL 60540
630.305.4196