Extreme happiness followed by extreme sadness
:confused: I am 20 years old and I have a problem. This is my first time posting a question on here, and I'm hoping to get some feedback. Maybe some ideas that I haven't heard before.
See, I am generally a happy-go-lucky person. Most people see me as a REALLY happy girl, and I would even say that I am happier than the average person. I get headaches from smiling so much and some people might say that I'm overlly friendly or to turn down my happiness level. I try and stay positive and pass that vibe along to others as much as possible... I have a passion for life and I LOVE who I am.
Sadly, I really struggle with a LOT of worry. I don't like it at all. It is something that is really starting to effect my life in negative ways, more than it ever has. See, I've always been a thinker. I have been told by my therapist and my psychologist that I might be obsessive compulsive when it comes to thinking -- I can never turn off my brain. I don't mind that... but it can really get in the way sometimes, especially when I start thinking negatively.
I can stay manicly high for days.. feeling extreme happiness and sometimes euphoric as if NOTHING can bring me down.. but when that high feeling goes away it is often followed with a crash of INTENSE emotions and I end up crying my eyes out for hours feeling like nobody in the world will ever understand me. Each thought that I have in these moments feels like a knife stabbing me. I sometimes feel like I want to be invisible or disappear from the earth. I have stated on several occasions that I feel like I am going to end up in an insane assilum -- literally. There is NO controlling me when I get like this.. it usually ends with me hyperventalating and then an extreme calm comes over me.
Both my therapist and psychologist think I might be bipolar because of the fact that my two attitudes consist of either extreme hapiness or extreme sadness.. there is no between for me. Most of the time I am happy like I said, but I would rather feel normal EVERY day and NEVER feel extreme happiness again if it meant I never had to feel that level of sadness.
I have taken mood stabilizers, ani depresants, and even some sedatives. But I HATE medicine. They seem to mess with my mind and make me feel physically sick more than anything. Eew.
My anxiety/worry is getting in the way of so many things. I worry and dwell on things that the average person doesn't. I have stopped seeing my doctors because I feel like I'm getting nowhere. I feel so hopeless... yet I have a great life. I just want to be OK and stop all this stuff.. I'm starting to feel worked up even now as I write. So I am going to stop writing.. I don't even know if these things I stated make sense. I'm out.