Originally Posted by LonelyLover
My boyfriend and I have been together almost 4 years and we have a 2 1/2 year old boy and a 5 month old girl. When we first got together he asked me to go to las vegas to get married and I told him no because my family would be furious. I find out a few months ago that he was joking, that if I had said yes he would have found some way to get out of it. When I was 7months pregnant with our first baby he proposed to me in the hospital parking lot. I was very upset about a health issue I was having and I find out that he was lying about that too just to shut me up. This whole relationship he has talked to me like I am an idiot, and says that I do the same to him. He never hits me but sometimes I wonder if he is verbally abusive. I feel like I am a bad mother, he constantly tells me he is both mother and father to the kids and last year he said I should give him a mother's day card. This year he said mother's day by grabbing my crotch then hugging me.
We broke up when I was 7 months pregnant and he started to see this girl within weeks of breaking up. We got back together when the baby was a few weeks old but we broke up again when she was 2 months old. I find out that he is talking to this other girl and still seeing her to this day even though we got back together on the 29th. He says he wants to break up with her but he has only talked to her on the phone, never in person and doesn't want to break up on the phone. Recently I snooped through his cell phone and he is talking about having sex with her. Not real seriously, she started the conversation and he just answered once, but I don't know what to think.
I am not sure anymore that I even want to be with him anymore. We have never lived apart because of financial reasons and the initial reason we broke up is because he said that I needed to live alone for once in my life, which I never have. I admit that a lot of our problems are my fault because I have bi-polar and refused to get on medication while I was pregnant and didn't know how to pay for my medicine after wards. Every time that I asked him to understand he would tell me that it was my problem and I needed to deal with it on my own. The last year and a half I have been on medicine and trying to fix everything that I screwed up (I got the car repossessed, and I am thousands of dollars in debt) but I still feel as if he thinks everything is my fault.
I want to go to counseling but he refuses. Right now he is in the middle of finals and when he is, it's like he's not there. He doesn't talk to me, doesn't acknowledge my existence and he is a bear to deal with. School is out tomorrow and I can't wait, but I wonder if it really is school making him treat me like this right now, or if it will continue even after school is out.
I still love him so very very much, and I want to get married to him so much and spend my life with him, and own a home with him but I don't know if I should. I am very unhappy right now and it's mostly because of him. I don't know if I feel this way because of my bi-polar which makes me blame people for my problems, or if it really is him. I need help to understand my feelings and whether or not I should stay, or break up for the third and final time.