Sudden death of a loved one.
It's been almost two years now since he died and till now I just can't accept that my boyfriend died so suddenly. We've been together for almost two years. The fact that I never got to see him for one last time and say goodbye or been to his funeral is what hurts me the most. What's worse is that it happened on New Year’s Eve which I had always believed to be the happiest day of the year.
Not even a month before, I had to move away from the country back to where I grew up in. I never expected he'd get in a motorcycle accident with a friend who was drunk driving. He was just forced to go along. It was my former teacher who informed me that he was taken to the hospital but his "friend" died at the scene. However he had a 50/50 chance of surviving. The next morning I got the message. I was in denial for months and just couldn't accept it. I had trouble concentrating at my new school as I just started 11 days later and was still grieving. I didn't want others to notice so I tried hiding my feelings. For months I never wanted to bring it up. I just wanted to be normal just like everyone else.
Till now I still want to be a normal teenager with normal teenage problems. Anything but this. And yes I'm still young and will be turning 17 in a few months. The thing is though I always thought it would be best to keep it a secret. To try and forget my problem as if it were a bad dream. I see him though in my dreams from time to time. Bringing him up would only make me feel bad so I try to keep it to myself. But it only feels worst and I can't hold it in much longer. I learned from the internet that expressing your feelings help but I just don't know how. It feels like I just want to pour out my feelings but I’m afraid that this will change people, my friends view of me. I don't want their pity or the looks they'd give me. I don't know what seems better whether id tell a few of them or just forget about it. I just can't move on much. I want to feel better, be more inspired, and be who I was before all this happened. I used to be fun and talkative. Now I'm just a girl you see who keeps quiet most of the time and reads. I try not to get very close with people at school but some friends. My childhood friends know very little to nothing but they go to different schools. Why did I have to change so much and how can I be like my normal self again?
If only this never happened. Life would have been so much different than it is now.