My dead husband seems to be with me more as time goes by
My husband died suddenly on October 1, 2013. He had a lot of health problems but did not linger, falling against a wall and sliding down. I was out of town and found him and lost total control, shaking him violently and begging him to get up. Our neighbor recently said she had never heard anyone 'wail' but apparently I did.
I have to say that I am Bi-Polar and rapidly cycle back and forth (manic and depressed.) The two are very severe.
Since I was diagnosed after several years, I was give medication which helped and still does, but only to some extent.
My husband stood by me thought lots of bad behavior and one carefully planned suicide attempt. He also stood by when I was depressed,
He was always there for me. I knew I could tell him anything. I was also there for him, helping him with his physical illnesses as much as I could.
Since he left I have had several close calls thinking about killing myself, but I really believe if I do, I won't ever see him again.
I have only a brother (who I was visiting when my husband died,) my 35 year old son and 30+year old nephews.
My brother came here and stayed for a few hours and then said he had to go home and would be back for the funeral. My son had to drive 500 miles and got here as fast as he could, but there were about seven hours after neighbor left (she has a challenged son) while I was alone. I lay down on his side of the bed and didn't expect to sleep but fell into some state that I guess was sleep.
My husband came to me in the dream. In the dream I was standing looking up at him and he was smiling (he had a sweet smile for everyone) and looked amused as he did sometimes before he gave me a gift or told me good news. He looked younger which puzzled me.
He said: "It'll be alright."
That dream or whatever state it was carried me though until January of this year, when I began to lose the comfort it had brought me.
Now, more and more, I feel he is actually with me, that a presence is with me to the extent that I just know someone is there all the time. He always drove the car but now when I drive I feel he is in the back seat and don't even think worry about it.
It has helped me to write this down because people don't want to hear.
I have read that sometimes a loved one's spirit will not pass over if a relative is holding them here by not 'letting go." If it is true, how do I let him go?
