I was 17 when I met him. He was protective of me and I thought that was good. He would tell me who I could talk to, when I had to go to bed, if I could stay up after he dropped me off at home. I thought this was love.

That was the start of the control and the emotional abuse. He would threaten to start arguments with my parents, my friends, etc. I would be horrified at the thought as I hated arguing and conflict and still do. My home life was not the best. I thought of him as my rescuer and a way to get out. I believed I was ugly and this was the best I could do.

I dropped out of school as it was not important and he told me I could not go as I would cheat on him. That was the main thing he would say is I would cheat on him. I realize now he thought that since he was cheating on ME the whole time.

I got pregnant and had a child just after I turned 18. I had to go to the hospital for a D&C after I had my son as I was bleeding badly. I remember him telling me he did not want me to have the surgery as they would have sex with me.

Things get fuzzy here with timeline and what happened when. So I will make a list as the end part of my story is the important part.

1. I had 3 more children.
2. I left numerous times but he beat me when he found me.
3. I was taken off the grounds of a battered woman's shelter. And the police had to come help me get away. (He was charged with unlawful confinement.)
4. I was choked and my young son kicked him as I was blacking out. That saved me that night.
5. I was threatened with him killing me if I left again.
6. I have had people say I would be bruised up all the time but don't remember a lot of it.
7. I would walk looking at the ground as I would get told I was somehow communicating with men via my phone number so I could run off to have sex with them. I should mention until I left him he was my first and only sex partner.
8. I was in constant fear of what he would say to others to embarrass me or to start a fight with others as it would be "my fault."
9. I got hurt for being ugly, toys on the floor, supper not ready, him having to pay more income tax, house not clean, etc.
10. I attempted suicide numerous times.
11. I had to have sex with him every day or would get hurt.

Result and this is the most important part: If I can save one mother from this pain, the telling of this story is worth it. I had a breakdown and was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and battered wives syndrome. I lost my kids permanently and they were adopted out. Exposing children to that life is grounds for them to be taken.

I am back in contact with one son. I am unsure if he has forgiven me. I have not and will not. I should have gotten out and gotten me the mental health I needed.

Please if you are in this situation do the following:
1. Get all important documents together: birth certificates, wedding certificates, bank cards, medication, etc.
2. Call a battered woman's shelter to get out.
3. If he is abusing you and you are in danger, call 911 and tell the truth to the officers who will help you. Ask officers to help you get to a shelter.
4. Take as much clothes that you can with you. Don't forget children's favorite blankets and toys.
5. Get yourself some counseling.
6. Don't listen to the promises. That is called the honeymoon stage.