I wanted to become an IAS from 7th class. But I took engineering and got a job in a good company which pays well but I don't get much work here. I don't even like coding. I have a boyfriend from last 8 months and I have gotten so obsessed with him that I am not able to concentrate on anything. I am now not even sure if I want to do upsc-cse. I am not able to focus anywhere and my boyfriend is getting so frustrated with me like he wants to talk less meet less and all. We meet everyweekend from Friday night to Monday morning. I don't know how to handle and manage things. I feel like crying all the time. I am not able to do anything. I feel like I've lost all motivation and hope. I hurt myself. Yesterday I belted myself.*LITERALLY* because he said "let's breakup because I can't handle so much of you".