In the last months I've seen on TV a lot of young ladies who resorted to suicide and shocked everybody for they all seemed to lead such a happy and perfect life. Most of them are supposed to have suffered from some kind of depression or have dealt with some strong concerns like aging, love life problems, loneliness etc.
Every time I see a new case I completely identify myself with that person and looking at some of their pictures I can feel what they were hiding behind their smile. Sometimes I think I might be prone to do something similar for I feel very downhearted although everybody around me say that I should be so happy that I have everything. My family and friends are so happy looking forward to the holiday period, but I'm just the opposite. They were all so happy on my birthday, they gave me a lot of gifts, still those moments were priceless for them and worthless for me. I don't care about birthdays (especially mines). I have a lovely family, I have a lot of friends, I have big grades, people always take care of my needs and wishes, so why do I feel like crying all the time? Why can't I just be happy? Why do I feel dead or as if I wanted to die? (I'm scared of death) I really don't understand what is happening to me. Is it a sort of 'holiday sadness'? (does it even exist?)
I probably said something stupid, but this is how I feel. Thank you for reading!