Aaron Hernandez committed suicide in prison last week. I, along with many people, viewed it as the final chapter to a sad life. It’s hard to understand why someone with such a promising NFL career would throw it all away for the thug life you embraced. It’s difficult to know what was going through your head when instead of catching touchdown passes, you were shooting and killing people. It was difficult to understand but that was before this past weekend.

Now I understand you completely. You had a secret to keep. You could not let people see the real Aaron Hernandez for fear that you would be called names, treated differently, and made fun of. I get that now. Being gay is very difficult especially during the most important years. Closeted gay people spend so much time protecting that secret. We have been told for years that there is something wrong with us. We have been told all of our lives that being who weare is wrong, immoral, and that we deserve to be punished or ostracized. The hiding is so very painful and for most of us has damaged our mental health. Certainly the NFL doesn’t accept gay people. Heterosexual people are not asked to defend what caused them to be heterosexual. Heterosexual people don’t have to hear they are only heterosexual because they haven’t found the perfect gay lover as of yet. And heterosexual people don’t get asked when they decided to be heterosexual.

I don’t condone your behavior by any stretch of the imagination but I do hope that your life and now death speak volumes to society. I hope that society takes a long look at the issue and the masses of young people who spend more time protecting their secret and not allowing people to know the real person inside. Rest in peace, peace that you never had, and know that I do understand you.

When will society understand and allow us to be who we are without prejudice?

Oliver ((((@)))

Tick

I think that there are strides being made. Certainly not for everyone, and that may never happen, just like I don't think we'll ever completely eradicate prejudice towards blacks, or even prejudice towards women. But I do think strides are being made.

My kids are teens, 14 and 18. Both of them have gay friends. Jared had more than a few gay friends in school, and has many gay friends online. Those kids were never bullied because they're gay. It's a different world. Most kids nowadays have grown up knowing what being gay means, and knowing that it's not a choice. My son said it best. I don't care who you're attracted to, or what you do when you go out on a date, or who you marry. If I'm your friend, I'm your friend because of who you are, not who you date. Just don't ask me out or tell me about what you do, because that's not cool for anyone to do. You wouldn't want to hear about my dates, and I don't want to hear about yours. Now, if you want to talk about being serious about someone, or having a crush and needing tips on what to say, you can ask, but I suck at that, so be warned, I won't be much help.

My daughter who's 14, knows two gay boys in her school. She's gone to school with them since kindergarten. When they told her, she said "okay. I don't get why you're telling me this. I don't go around telling people I like boys, so why do you have to tell me that you do? It doesn't change anything".

That's one thing my kids don't get. Heterosexuals don't go around telling people that they like the opposite sex. There's never a conversation about that. But if you're gay, and don't tell people that you like the same sex, then you're in the closet. Frankly, I feel the same way. I don't meet someone new and then feel compelled to tell them, "oh, by the way, I'm heterosexual, just so you know".

I would like there to come a time when you meet someone, become friends, and you double date and if they bring someone of the same sex on that date, no discussion is needed. Or you meet someone and become friends and would like to have them and their SO over for dinner, and there's no need for them to tell you that their SO is the same sex as them because they're gay. I would like there to come a time when there's no closet for gays to come out of.

I would like there to come a time when a young teen tells their parents that they're going on their first date, and when they bring home someone of the same sex, there's no shock, or discussion, or even anger, there's just the normal fussing, picture taking, lecture about getting your child home on time, lecture about sex, and that's it.

That's the world I want to live in. That's the world I'm raising my kids in, and I think a lot of other kids are being raised in the same world. :)

Frankly, I know my son isn't gay, but I'm not sure about my daughter. I even asked her once if she is, because boys are still icky to her. Her reply was that she didn't know. She's not interested in dating anyone yet. She's not really attracted to girls or boys. She's actually worried that something is wrong with her because she's not all boy crazy like all of her friends. I asked if she's girl crazy. She said no. She's really just not interested in anyone. But she's only 14. Frankly, I'm fine with her not dating for a while, like 10, 20 years. I do hope that one day an attraction sparks, be it boys or girls, I don't care. And there's no hurry.

I have read hundreds of posts written by Oliver2011, all of them well written. It disturbs me that someone with more power here felt a need to 'clean it up.'
It's an attribute of this site that has always bothered me, and I am always on the verge of leaving.

Thank you Joy.

Truth be told though, AMHD typing was very slow yesterday morning. So I actually did the typing in Outlook and cut/paste it into AMHD. It's been a while since I've had to do that but I do remember when doing that before it would put two words together every so often. So it probably needed some cleanup.

Joy, Oliver's words were not changed. There was no censorship. The clean up was due to formatting/compatibility issues, not content. Font tags and missing spaces had left it unreadable.

I, too, find Oliver's posts to be very insightful and well written. This one included.

Thanks Cat. Truth be told, the sequel, I struggled with this one emotionally. It was odd disliking someone, thinking that he was a total idiot, and then coming to an understanding. There were no winners with anyone involved in Aaron's life. I hope there will be with his passing.

Yes it's truly sad when one that has so much just screws it up so royally. He was human, and humans are prone to screw it up royally, but maybe his story will make others stop and think before they too screw it up royally. We can only hope so.

You are a great writer Oliver, I have been a fan of yours also, since you have been here, for both being an example of a good human being and of manhood bar none, and the very excellent advice you so freely share with others. Your boys are so lucky to have a father like you.

Thanks Tal. Joy, Cat, and you have taught me a lot on here. It's interesting to me when I start writing where it actually ends up. I wasn't sure where this post would go but I am happy where it ended. It's like I want everyone to know that yes there is this direction you can go with your life, but there are also other directions out there too. Sometimes I am guessing my writing is therapy for me, and at the end of the day that's not such a bad thing.