Just need someone to talk to.sick of being upset
Hey all,
I feel like I am sturggling a bit, there are a few things I just want to get an opinion on...
As you may, or may not, know, I have been talking with my ex in a friendly manner for a few weeks now. It is probably true that I never totally got over her, but things were looking quite good as far as getting back together, and I didn't want to ruin that. AFter a conversation last night, I am starting to feel I may have been wrong.
I have known all along that she had feelings for someone else, though not much can happen between them because of their school situation, and he is moving away. In any case, she mentioned to me on the phone that she was afraid "I had forgotten" he was there, as she was not mentioning him as I asked. Truth is, I never forgot that he was there, though I was thinking he was less in the picture as she never talked about it. She wanted to be sure that I didn't forget that he was there, and she didn't want me to slip into thinking we were already getting back together. This made me feel as if there was something bigger going on, and she was afraid to tell me, but in all honesty, nothing is and I was just overreacting to what I already knew.
I was upset, and still am to a degree, but its more confusion than anything. I honestly believe I was beginning to heal even while I was talking to her. I could see her as a just a friend, and I still do, but saying things like "the reason we broke up was because I wanted to be single" still hurt me.
Now I am not sure where I need to be headed. I would love to remain friends with her. We have been talking once or twice during the week, and would see each other on the weekends sometime. I will not be home for another two weeks, and this is when she is out of school and this other someone is gone.
I know I am most likely going to be told to disappear and not talk to her at all, but I'm not sure if I can do that knowing she still thinks about us being together in the future. She has told me that lately she has been 'waiting' for the summer to see what happens, and that is basically what I wanted to do. After all, its only two weeks away. I also know that she still has feelings for me (she has kissed me, holding my hand, hugging me, etc), but she seems to be a different person at school. She told me that this may be because "he" is at school, and she is more distracted by friends.
Im starting to get really sick of being upset every single day. For God's sake, three months is long enough. I hate waking up and being down about everything. I hate being afraid to think about anything for fear of upsetting myself. I hate wanting to call her, just to talk to her, and knowing that I cannot/should not.
How can I leave her behind when there is a chance (from both sides) we will be together again?? Does moving on and getting over it necessarily mean there is no more chance?
Sorry for the long post, sometimes I just get sick of my life the way it is, and that scares me.