Please Answer my question ASAP!! Need Advice
Okay so I'm almost 13, every since I was 5 years old I've cried myself to sleep almost every night. It all happened when I was born, I was born a day early since my father wouldn't be at my birth. Ever since I remember my (so like 5) my dad would have my older sister and stay outside for hours maybe all day just so my mom would have peace and quite.
One day my mom finally stood up and got divorced. After my mother got divorced to him she started dating another guy (I was just going into grade) we had moved to another state. Her new boyfriend seemed nice but I was wrong. The month after my new baby brother (4th sibling) was born he found out that my mom started cheating on him. So one day I opened the door and he ran into my moms room and started beating on her and yelling at her. (My brother hasn't seen since and he's 5 now). After that my mom started dating another guy, they got married and had a child. I wouldn't say he ever made a dent in my life though.
I'm just going into third grade now and my mom started dating a new guy, they were together for two years. He was always a weird guy, like he seemed mentally crazy. While we were living his house I would have to get my younger sister and brother up, we're all two years a part. My brother is pretty much mentally crazy, in the mornings sometimes I would have to fight for my life. My brother would always try to stab me with a knife (not a butter knife). Also while we were there he had three other children, one of his sons always hit me and bruised my every where, my mom wouldn't doing anything about it. Once we moved out I got better. But he still came over often, then they broke up. One night I was up to about 12 watching TV with my mom and she saw a light out side, so she went out there too see what was happening and before I knew it there were cops and yelling and my older sister was scared, she had been getting rapped for about three months by her ex boyfriend. (I'm about in 5th grade). There has been a lot more stories like this.
Well now to my dad, when he got married to my step mom now, they would always bring me into their room and tell me mean stuff about my mom. Also once my step mom told me that my dad never cared about me until she came into his life, he was there didn't say anything, he didn't say it was a lie, so pretty much he can't loved for 11 years of my life, he has locked me and my two sibling in the garage before, for almost 5 hours without food just because someone had brought chocolate upstairs.
About a year ago my uncle committed suicide the day before his grandson was born, my grandma died that year, and that's when I finally stopped being strong, and started self harming, I pretty much being eaten by my demons, I always tried to hold back the urges to cut but it didn't work. Finally I went on the Internet and made a friend who I now call him family and he's about 17 he's helped me through the pain. But I believe I need more help then talking with someone over the Internet every day. He's suppose to come see me soon, I can't wait.
Moral of my story I've been through a lot in my life more then a normal child, and it's possible for me to be murdered before I'm twenty by my moms boyfriend, I've taken tests that say I have extreme depression, I've starved myself for days, self harmed, never had any friends and barely talked in elementary school, but I did find a friend who always brightens up my day. I've found some one to talk too about my feelings, but I'm scared for my future. What's going to happen to me? Please someone give advice. Also I've read a lot about foster care and how it can be horrible, but I don't know any other option.