I have been dating a man for 2 years. He is divorced and his second wife, now divorced wife, is hosting an engagement party for their daughter. I have never met his ex-wife, but have met his daughter several times. Since I will be visiting him on the weekend of the party, his daughter invited me to the family enagement part to be held at her mother's home. He would like for me to attend with him but I suggested that I cancel my visit until a more convient weekend. He then wanted me to visit, but spend the evening alone while he goes to the engagement party without me. I think this is an important occasion for his dauthter, son-in-law and their families, and think that my presence in town would change his plans or the dynamic. What is the proper ediquette for this situation?

First off I think its great that you understand the importance of this event for his daughter. I do not think the first meeting of his ex wife should be at the event. Is there a way to meet her prior to this party. If not I think you would be wise to choose a different weekend for your visit. And since his daughter did invite you a hand wriiten note of congratultions and well wishes is called for.

If his daughter invited you, then you should assume you are welcome and proceed if you are comfortable. If you're uncomfortable, simply excuse yourself with an RSVP to his daughter directly.

I think you must also consider the relationship your boyfriend has with his ex. Are they friendly? Do they dislike each other? Are they civil to one another because of their daughter, or was their divorce mutually agreed upon and amicable? If there is still tension between him and her, your presence would certainly add to it and there's no reason to do that. On the other hand, if they are friendly, she may not mind you being there and may be looking forward to meeting you. Make sure whatever you decide is something you are comfortable with, and as suggested above, RSVP to the daughter directly, and a written note of thanks and congrats would be very appropriate.