He wants to be friends with his former lover
We have been married 21 years and have three great kids. Last year I found out he was having an affair with our former live in nanny. It started while she was still with us. Things were not great between he and I then, and I take full responsibility for my part in our difficulties. I suffer from severe major depressive disorder and its taken its toll on both of us.But, he chose to make things worse and started this affair. I was devastated. After several months, he decided to end it and try to work things out. It was a very bumpy road but after 7 or 8 months, we found ourselves moving to what appeared to be a good space. Then, being the snoop I am, and still mistrustful of him, I got into his email account and found out he had just started seeing her. "to help her with her homework" he says. I demanded he cut off all communication. Even if its just to help her out once in a while^ he asked. Affirmative. After several discussions we remained at this impasse. I told him I could not live with this -- cut it off completely or I am out of here. He declined. Ball's in my court. The road ahead for me looks scary. He is walking around being very sweet and loving today. I cannot believe it.
Am I wrong to insist on this? How can I do this to the kids he asks, about separating. I am wracked with anxiety.