Wife continued to text and call a man she has had a sex thing with for twenty years even though it is destroying our marriage.

Hate to break your bubble but your marriage has been in deep trouble for 20 years now. That's a long time to not have resolved whatever the issue is and way to long to keep being a dysfunctional couple.

What keeps you there? What keeps HER there?

Speaking as a woman, I detect a communication problem. You don't even ask a question, or provide any details; you just plunk down one mighty scary sentence.

So... can this marriage be saved? I doubt it. And we have no clue why either one of you hangs on to the other. And how do you KNOW she's been having sex with him for 20 years? Very few affairs involve sex that long. Many hang on just for talking. Given your talking skills, maybe he's the glue that holds you two together.

If she has been cheating and lying for 20 years the marriage is already broken and you just are not accepting it.

So file for divorce, decide and property settlement and get started over.

If she's cheating on you for 20 years please don't be such a martyr. She clearly doesn't love you nor respect you as her husband. Tbh, your question is a bit confusing but anyway if the guy she's communicating with is her past lover for instance then don't easily jump into conclusion that she's cheating on you. Maybe they just become good friends. If you think your wife is someone you can trust then believe her. If you have some doubts then be vigilant so that you will not look stupid for a long time the moment she'd cheat. You can immediately get rid of this piece of in your life asap. If you're not comfortable that she's still communicating with him then tell her but be reasonable. Personally if I think a person is a threat or becoming a threat in my relationship I will have no choice but to stay away with that person. I think if you're in a relationship it's your responsibility to protect your "feelings" for your lover... Some people fool themselves even if they know that they're like falling for their co-workers for instance they just let it be. They would still hang out as long as they're still not doing the actual cheating. And when the marriage/relationship eventually fail they'll try to convince themselves that it's not their fault hehe. I want to give them jackets and standing ovation with slow clap.

I'm going to assume that perhaps you were not aware of the affair for 20 years.

I don't think we even had texting 20 years ago.

It would be helpful if you offered a bit more detail, as to how you found out, and when you found out. As well, what has happened, if you were only aware of her infidelity, recently.

Thanks.

20 YEARS?? And it is" destroying our marriage"? I would say it is pretty far gone now. How have you addressed this issue?

Just an fyi guys, this is an old thread. November 2015 and the original poster never came back, so we're all talking to ourselves at this point, he'll never read this.

Lightfingers has been reopening many old threads. I've posted in a few, not checking the date.

Lightfingers, please look at the dates of the questions you answer. If it's been a few months, and the poster never came back, then let it go so that old questions don't end up on the top of the list and push new questions down.

Thanks. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Alty

Just an fyi guys, this is an old thread. November 2015 and the original poster never came back, so we're all talking to ourselves at this point, he'll never read this.

Lightfingers has been reopening many old threads. I've posted in a few, not checking the date.

Lightfingers, please look at the dates of the questions you answer. If it's been a few months, and the poster never came back, then let it go so that old questions don't end up on the top of the list and push new questions down.

Thanks. :)

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That's why she is called 'lightfingers' LOL how appropriate