I would imagine you were hurt for your kids.
She did not react the way I would have but she is not me. Nor is she you. But that was years ago, your children are grown, it's time to let go of this.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I would imagine you were hurt for your kids.
She did not react the way I would have but she is not me. nor is she you. But that was years ago, your children are grown, it's time to let go of this.

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You know I think I probably already have , but the shock of seeing them just brought back some bad memories of how she tried to get so many people in our group involved! I guess I expect everyone to be a little like me. I'm not a saint, but if I thought or knew I had hurt someone intentionally or unintentionally I would ask their forgiveness.

Like you say it's over and I guess she was apologizing when she hugged me. Sometimes actions speak louder than words. Oh no.. now I feel bad!! :(:(

No need to feel bad. You have cleared it out in your head. Sometimes you just have to verbalized your thoughts and they become clearer. You have acted in a human way nothing wrong with that...
Now go and have a grand day!

At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter what they want. The bigger question is, "what do you want?"

Do you want to reconcile? Because if you do, then you'll need to find a way to forgive, otherwise this will prevent you from having a healthy friendship.

Or do you want to move on with your life? In which case, you won't need to analyze their actions, as it wouldn't make a difference to you anyway.

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

You know I think I probably already have , but the shock of seeing them just brought back some bad memories of how she tried to get so many people in our group involved! I guess I expect everyone to be a little like me. I'm not a saint, but if I thought or knew I had hurt someone intentionally or unintentionally i would ask their forgiveness.

Like you say it's over and I guess she was apologizing when she hugged me. Sometimes actions speak louder than words. Oh no ..now I feel bad!!! :(:(

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I don't think there is any need to feel bad. Really, you responded with caution - and why wouldn't you?

Nor, is there any need to over analyze - rethinking it and worrying again won't change anything. Except give you heartburn all over again!

Accept that it's happened, and see it as your chance to finally let it go.

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Originally Posted by I wish

At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter what they want. The bigger question is, "what do you want?"

Do you want to reconcile? Because if you do, then you'll need to find a way to forgive, otherwise this will prevent you from having a healthy friendship.

Or do you want to move on with your life? In which case, you won't need to analyze their actions, as it wouldn't make a difference to you anyway.

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No, I don't want to have a relationship with them. I don't hate them, but I think we have moved on. I would help her her if she needed help. I think we will probably come to think of them as casual aquaintances.

Thanks

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Originally Posted by Gemini54

I don't think there is any need to feel bad. Really, you responded with caution - and why wouldn't you?

Nor, is there any need to over analyze - rethinking it and worrying again won't change anything. Except give you heartburn all over again!

Accept that it's happened, and see it as your chance to finally let it go.

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Thanks Gemini54.

Most people I've known who have gone through divorce are temporarily insane! It's such a horrible experience and few of us are equipped to handle that kind of disruption, attack on our personal life security and betrayal, so I would just consider the state of mind and level of pain when was in at that time and let go of the tirade from 25 years ago.

Also know that this dirtbag she married is entirely 100% responsible for the entire situation and owed you an apology for putting you in that position. If you had told, he would have felt betrayed - not telling, she felt you betrayed her. The fact is, he betrayed her and they were both wrong to put you in the middle of it. You would have been right to tell, and you were also right not to tell - there are good ethics behind both decisions.