My boyfriend's teenage daughter got caught lying and sneaking to smoke weed.
He doesn't want to say the wrong things that might make her become more creative to hide other unacceptable activities?
He is more concerned about the lying part and her being easily manipulated by others? How can he tell her not to fall into peer pressure and be a leader within herself without making her feel less of herself?

Just tell her that weed is a horrible drug that will ruin her life. And that she has to be a leader and not a follower. Weed is an escape from reality and she needs to deal with what every her issues are and not run away into another reality.

She needs to learn on her own. Tell me how many of you members of AMHD have EVER listened to your parent's advice when you were teenagers. Probably not most of you.

We have all gone through that 'phase' of being a teen and trying new things. Naturally, as we get older, we realise what harms our body and mind and what doesn't. Thankfully we have hotlines, ads and t.v. commercials that advertise drugs as a life-ruiner.

As far as the lying part, don't tolerate it. Tell her that she may be able to get away with others things, but lying she will not. Do what you have to.

metal detectors at the door, pat searches of all her friends and hidden tracking devices.

But seriously kids have been lying to parents from the time Cain killed Able and lied about it. Many parents give their kids random drug screens an proper grounding for doing it.

How old is she? What sort of relationship do they have? Is the mother in the picture? If so, what is she doing?

The reason I ask her age is because approaching a 13-year-old about smoking pot and a 17-year old are two different things. Yes, it's wrong for both, but the older the teen, the more likely they are to push hard against the parent because they've figured out "there's nothing you can do to me!". At either age, he needs to make it CLEAR that drug use will not be tolerated from her, that this is unacceptable. He needs to establish exact punishments for such behavior (loss of TV, computer, iPod, grounded, etc) and stick to them. Just like with toddlers, consistency is the key with teens.

If they have a pretty good relationship he might try the no-yelling route; talk to her like she's a real person, and tell her how this worries him, why it worries him, and why he can't trust her now, and that she will have to earn that trust back. She needs to know she let him down big time, because guilt-tripping in certain circumstances can do wonders for changing behavior.

If he wants her to feel like a leader, more like an individual, maybe he should think about starting a hobby or activity with her. Get her involved in something constructive and in something she likes and will want to excel in. Depending on her personality, talking to her on a daily basis might help as well; talk about current events, social issues, political issues, and have him encourage her to come up with her own opinion.

Good luck!

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Originally Posted by SHAHRAZAD

My boyfriend's teenage daughter got caught lying and sneaking to smoke weed.
He doesn't want to say the wrong things that might make her become more creative to hide other unacceptable activities?
He is more concerned about the lying part and her being easily manipulated by others? How can he tell her not to fall into peer pressure and be a leader within herself without making her feel less of herself?

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I would send her to the army. A sharp shock would benefit her immensley. Kids get away with murder these days literally. Parents need to toughen up. Smoking weed at that age, confiscate her allowance pocket money and makeup, 2 months grounding, or army that's what id do if she were mine

She is 14 years old, polite, quite kid.
She lives with her mother.