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A football fan? Wayyyy! I'm a Boro supporter! Was disgusting seeing you lift the trophy :D! Even my football club reminds me of my ex because I had changed her into a Boro fan too! Who am I kidding? It doesn't remind me of her at all - I just remember all the hassel it was just get watching the footy!Quote:
Originally Posted by nickshehe
:D
Exactly why I stay away from anything which might give me that sort of information, should it exist. I don't really think she's with someone, but it doesn't matter if she was. I don't need/want to know and hope I won't find out until I'm well off on my own, and perhaps with someone else as well.Quote:
Originally Posted by nickshehe
That's why I've been putting pressure on myself to "get around", so I won't feel left behind. Can't really force that though.
Ahhhhh! Was having a great day, and was about to reply to another message on this forum when I get a text message from the ex!
She text me telling me that she's giving me the stuff of mine back tomorrow and that she'd like hers as well. About time! When I asked for it back ages ago, she gave me a load of abuse!
And she must have changed her number - it's a different one with a new number?
What should I reply to this? The DVD that she's looking back is a DVD that I bought with my own money so that we could both watch. Shows how selfish she is :D!
Dazt, text her back saying that you are busy with plans tomorrow but are free the following day at around(insert SHORT time window) as it makes you unavailable to her.
Who cares if she changed her number, don't even save it in the phone
Yeah but I go to the same college as her sister and she wants me to give it to her.
I won't save the phone number in my phone. I guess this means she's completely over me - changing her number, looking for her stuff back..
Will probably put me down for a couple of days - but I'll be straight back up. Got a great week ahead of me :D
Well I text her back two and a half hours after she text me and I said:
"Oh hey. Yeah I'll give it to your sister when I see her"
That's all I sent, done okay.. yes?
Seriously people - NC is the way to go. I no longer see her through those rose tinted glasses. I see her for what she is - a selfish, immature little girl with a bad temper and she doesn't know what she wants!
I'm still sad about how it ended and that when I'm lonely or anything, I'd just ring her - I do miss all that. But then I look at the positives and they do outweigh the negatives.
Reading that bit alone just put me in a better mood :)Quote:
Originally Posted by DazT
I think you handled it well DazT, now just be done with it...
I need some help...
I was pretty set in my resolve that I was going to be OK and that I deserved better... I am three weeks in from a breakup to a 4 year relationship. She asked me to go on msn today... I did, stupid I know. So I ask her what this is about, she said she misses me. I got into how she was feeling about me. She said she is feeling horrible that she might lose the best man she's ever met in her life... And that she is hurting really bad. She says that there is not a minute that goes by that she doesn't think of me and that there isn't anybody else and that she doesn't think she would ever be able to find someone as amazing as me. She will find out on Thursday if she gets into med school in which case she will be staying in town. If not she will be leaving to do her masters 6 hours away on Friday. She is pretty sure she won't get into med school so she wants to see me tomorrow. What the hell should I do, is she srewing with me? I feel really good right now but for all the wrong reasons, because I have overwhelming hope now. Should I see this through and just deal with it however it ends.. She said she has to get her life sorted out first. I told her I am getting to the point where I can't deal with her anymore and it will be over. She said please don't to that. Does somebody deserve to be taken a break on? Could she be telling the truth? Help please, she had a doctors appointment right now but wants to talk again when she gets home...
I think you should hold out for one of the experts to come in and handle this.. I don't know what to tell you dude I dno what I would do..
Good luck though :/
I'm quite sure she probably is telling the truth. I most cases, I don't believe that the dumper has the intention of hurting the person. On the other hand, they are upset that they are hurting someone that they "love" and try to keep contact to ease that guilt.Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy
This certainly doesn't mean that you need to do anything for her. You don't owe her anything and I personally don't think that you should see her. You admit your feeling good for the wrong reason, how do you think you'll feel after seeing her and her telling you that she wants space and needs you to leave her alone?
I, and everyone else, know your going to do what you feel in your heart. I've been there before, I didn't listen, and it hurt. All I can do is tell you that you don't owe her anything and I think you need to work on getting yourself okay before you even consider talking to her again. Read any number of stories on these boards and you will see how often the ex flip flops their feelings and keeps you hanging on.
That, my friend, is the EXACT reason for NC.
I just noticed this in my junk e-mail folder... She sent this to me last night...
Hey,
Ummmm I am sorry to bug you, I know you want me to disappear but I really really want to see you before Thursday. I really want to... :(
I might be leaving and I cannot stop thinking about you I just don't want to lose you yet. Please reply.
Cakes (the pet name I called her)
I still don't know what I am going to do about tomorrow... I could be setting myself up for total disaster, but at the same time my curiosity is getting the better of me. And that's what I am worried about bigbird... yea she misses me, we were together for 4 years so that's expected, but does she really miss us. This could just be to help her feel better, that is my biggest concern. If she does go away she is going to be in a new town alone, which also frightens me, because that might make her want me out of convenience and then as she gets comfortable there I become expendable again.
Convenient place for it :)Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy
Notice the highlight...Quote:
Hey,
Ummmm I am sorry to bug you, I know you want me to disappear but I really really want to see you before Thursday. I really want to... :(
I might be leaving and I cannot stop thinking about you I just don't want to lose you yet. Please reply.
Probably, but missing the comfort of a relationship is different then wanting to get back together. She might want to see you so that she feels a little better before she leaves. You want to see her because you want her to miss you and come crawling back. That's unlikely.Quote:
I still don't know what I am going to do about tomorrow... I could be setting myself up for total disaster, but at the same time my curiosity is getting the better of me. And that's what I am worried about bigbird... yea she misses me, we were together for 4 years so that's expected, but does she really miss us.
Both sound very likely scenarios. That's why I'm worried that you want to see her. Now I don't blame you because I know how hard it is to keep NC when the other person is trying (begging, even) to see/talk to you. Its hard and it makes you feel like a monster, we've been there too.Quote:
This could just be to help her feel better, that is my biggest concern. If she does go away she is going to be in a new town alone, which also frightens me, because that might make her want me out of convenience and then as she gets comfortable there I become expendable again.
If you truly think its going to be the last time she's ever around and you'll ever see her, then I suppose you probably could see her. Now I still don't recommend it, as it is going to make the healing process longer -- I can almost guarantee after you see her you will feel worse.
Think of it this way - if she does see you and suddenly decides she wants to get back together, would you take her back? Would you be able to trust her, and willing to risk all of this over again? I was willing to a year ago, and here I am single again (after 4 years total as well, I know it sucks). Try to use your head and not your heart, as your heart isn't rational right now...
Good luck.
I may be beaten for this, but, it made my day... finally got up the nerve to check out what my ex's new BF looks like, mind you, she started seeing him almost immediately after she broke up with me... so basically she left me for him, even though she would never admit it.
Anyway, this guy is pretty much the essence of douchebag. A friend of mine was over (she is a girl) and we were joking around about how the person they always leave you for is so much better looking and what not... she was being sarcastic obviously, I'm like the most adorable guy ever. Anyway, the guy is a douche, when we saw him, we couldn't help but laugh. And my friend was like "what is your ex thinking!?" so yeah, it made me laugh.
If anyone is unsure of what a douchebag looks like, here is an example. (this isn't my ex's BF, I wouldn't do that, but its pretty close, lol) enjoy.
Day 2 of reinstated NC! After the big fight of this past weekend. I got to say my ex boyfriend is pretty p*ssed. He's texted me 5 times today and called twice. Messages varying from angry, to hurt, to sad.
Luckily, I had Tal in the back of my head going.. "just disappear from their lives". So I didn't respond/answer nothing. I know doing that can only cause more harm cause there's too many emotions floating around right now. Sucks that our last communication had to be an angry no holds barred attack, but I guess its helping me to actually get heck out of dodge. I feel bad, because in our entire 4 years, I would NEVER had said the things I said to him... it was like I turned into a different person. I was always nice/sweet girl. But nice/sweet girl is no longer what he deserves. Truly a sad display, but its helping move on. I just had to get it out. No more pretending we can be friends. No more pretending you didn't hurt me gravely by walking out on me. No more pretending that even though we're broken up I'll continue to love and support you.
Didn't upload for some reason, should work now
My ex just sent me a message saying 'hey, what was the name of the child that you and I planned on having? I wanted to keep it as part of my memory'
At first I laughed to myself and then I deleted and ignored the message. No reply
This was easier than I thought it would be :D
Ihatewest!! That's EXACTLY what my ex's new boyfriend looks like!! SERIOUSLY!!
... holy crap... it's SO similar it's beyond uncanny. I saw him last night at a bar... he had on a turquoise polo, popped collar, hat, earring, cell phone clip, and the bracelet going.
... un... freaking... believable.
Westseneca, that guy is the epitome of douchebaggery. He should lose the glasses and think about a shave. What a douche
Who put my picture up on the internet!! God I thought I was safe!
JK!
There is actually a website about why hot chicks fall for douchebags... This picture was on it. While my ex hasn't exactly went to that extreme, but left an in shape 180lb guy who has a career and a good fashion sense for a 250 fat guy, no motivation, no college and wears skate clothing but doesn't skate. I believe we call those posers... But hey! They do drive matching Scion TC's
Quick question. Does nc get harder before it gets easier?
Often times, yes.Quote:
Originally Posted by movinrightalong
Don't get discouraged, hang in there bud!
At the beginning NC is hard , but as you start to realise that the Break up is final and there is no going back it gets easier by the Day.Quote:
Originally Posted by movinrightalong
Hang in there
Thanks guys.
Knowing that really helps.
Just remember "movin"
NC is a journey to get yourself better and to start your new life , it takes time but eventually you'll get there and feel on top of the world again.
BUT
If you break NC you go back to square one and the Journey starts again.
I'm moving along now at almost four weeks in.
Had a dream about us last night, it was weird, but it was all about me and her. I was teaching her something and there was a possibility that we were both going to die (weird huh?) so I woke up a little upset about me never seeing her again if she were to die. Whatever, stupid dreams.
Lately I've been starting to get nervous about her contacting me via email again as it has been a long time. I know she wants to be friends with me in the future and I'm thinking she might try to push it and I'll end up with an email within the next week.
Another question, related to that last paragraph. If you remember there was an issue of $50 between the two of us. When I asked her about it, she said not to worry about it or send it to her once I start working in the summer. We'll not that I'm working I'm thinking of sending her a check in the mail. Bad idea?
I can't even remember what day of N/C I'm on... he text me about money he owes me on Monday and I had to reply so if we're being very very strict it's day 2. However I haven't initiated contact since Friday (where I told him I couldn't live without him and was ignored) so I suppose I'll say day 5.
I'm soooooooo so tempted to break it right now. I think it's because I'm sitting around revising and my mind is wandering. I just find it hard to come to terms with it because it was so sudden. There was no falling out of love gradually. I know I just pushed him too far and he's the type of person to just shut down emotionally instead of moping around (like me)
Talk sense into me!
The sun is shining and the birds are singing, don't know what that has to do with anything lol.
You a video game player by any chance? Well here's the way to look at it, imagine your playing a game against your friend only they decide they don't want to play anymore. The game becomes useless cause it takes two people.
HOWEVER
Remember that the game also has a longer and more fulfilling single player mode that doesn't require anyone else but you
Wow that kind of helped me lol
I'm not a video game player but yeah I can see your point. Very insightful :)
I think I'm in denial, I just can't believe that he doesn't want "to play" anymore because he was so into me and he just switched off because of a silly fight. I just feel like there must be something I can do
That was the same as my ex, she broke up with me cause we had an argument one night, I mean that was it, an argument, over text no less.
Next thing I know she's kissing another guy and telling me she can't get over what I did!
We deserve better because would you end it over something so stupid? No, that proves that either we are more mature or that we loved them a lot more than they did us.
Lol I like your video game way of seeing things..
It's like making love and its amazing..
But then again masturbation is equally amazing..
No? :D
Too graphic?
--
I was thinking how if by coming on these forums in some way reminds us that there is an EX - every day.. I mean obviously I got tons of help from here and I've become addicted to trying to help people. But on the other hand I've mentioned my ex or reminded of my ex every day for the past 2 months.
Is that really healthy?
Yes, as you have an outlet to vent feelings, and frustrations, without your friends running from you, or hiding under their bed, or even worse, throwing rocks at you. Keep in mind that those choices are not healthy for you. Just keep in mind, your going to think about them anyway, so just come here, and we can throw cyber rocks at you. ADVICE: Duck!!Quote:
I've mentioned my ex or reminded of my ex every day for the past 2 months.
Is that really healthy?
Hah, I don't think I've let you down yet tal :]
You are somewhat the fatherly figure around here.. anw I hope you're right..
Anyway I must stop procrastinating and start revising. I shall catch you all later.
Keep the NC flowing everyone
Nickshehe, I have been doing NC since January and I still think of my ex a lot, not so much as a "I want her back" feeling as a "how could one person change so quickly" I no longer harbor hate or animosity towards her but rather disgust that she has went so downhill. It actually hurt me to hear how her friends even think she made the wrong choice and then them saying "Rome, you should try talking to her, she might listen to you" and then me telling them "I'm sorry, but sometimes people can't save everyone. I'm not her superman, she made her bed and chose to lie in it."
Same here. I was in the "I want her back" mode but am slowly drifting to being bitter about the whole experience and I don't know if it is wrong or not but but it is helping me with the NCQuote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
I feel the same way... NC since January... and because of my current douchebag discovery, my thoughts of "i want her back" and "how could she do this", have turned to "well, she wants to be seen with that guy... so.... yeah..."Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
Back to day 5 no contact and it is the farthest I have gotten, its nice actually, next goal is 10
Yea, my ex has turned a dark corner from what people tell me. I see her every now and then at work and she looks so fake and then when I come around where she is she looks at me and starts smiling. Normally this would make it easy for a lot of people to break NC but I won't simply because of all the advice given and received throughout this forum. The guys who have been there from the beginning, I truly thank you as I know this wouldn't be possible without everyone's harsh but true words
So from that, guys trust me, sticking to NC will heal better than you will ever imagine
Sometimes the harshest words seem that way at the time but they are really the best words for you to hear.Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
Oh yea definitely Chuff... I still remember when I first met Tal... I was like "man this guy is a d*ck" Now, I am giving advice just as harshly as he gave me. Which looks bad at first, then you reread it and you're just amazed at how correct it is.
It was just a general question, I mean I know that NC is the way to go.. I've been faithful to it for 40 odd days now.. and much like you guys it's not the "I want her back" period.. it's the somewhat disgust that came with her sudden change.
I set her an expiry date to begin with -where I said if she comes back within 2 weeks then I would accept her, if she's a day late then it's over whatever she does.. She made contact within 2 weeks but her intentions were friendly( as they always are ) so its been NC since. :]
I just hope I don't bump into her any time soon.. I wouldn't break the NC but it would disrupt the process. She lives in a different city, both in the UK and back home but we have mutual friends back home so we shall see... anywho I got a whole awesome summer planned out for me -no time to worry about this.
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