Hi I can never get to sleep unless crying or at around 1 am and I've tried counting sheep but it never works and I'm not allowed downstairs cause my mum (I'm 13)
What should I do?
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Hi I can never get to sleep unless crying or at around 1 am and I've tried counting sheep but it never works and I'm not allowed downstairs cause my mum (I'm 13)
What should I do?
I had trouble sleeping when I was around 14-17. Please tell us more about what is behind your tears?
Here is the advise I read over and over about sleeping well. I've tried most of it and it helps a lot.
First, make sure you are sleeping in pleasant environment. Keep your room clean and tidy, make your bed in the mornings so it's more inviting and comfortable when you go back to bed at night, close your door and closet doors and drawers. If you have a lot of stuff in your room, go through it and box up or get rid of some things. It's hard to sleep in an exciting, messy space so go for tranquil and relaxing and neat.
Second, try to use your room only for sleeping and if that's not possible, at least limit it to quiet activities like homework, reading and sleeping. It's better if you can do homework at the dining table, entertain your friends in a different part of the house. Don't use electronics in your room except to listen to music. No television or computer and if you use the phone, only use it for conversations - don't play video games on your phone, for example. The point of this is that you are training your brain that when you are in this space, it is a quiet and restful place.
Another important thing is to set up a schedule. Get up early each day including the weekends (I know, gross, right? But it really helps.) Go to bed as close to the same time each day as you can. If you stay up later on the weekends, just try to stick to the same number of hours of sleep - probably 8 to 10 for your age - per night. So, if you go to bed later, sleep in - but get up once you've had that 8 to 10 hours. Oversleeping in the morning will prevent you from being able to fall asleep at night.
Skip caffeine. If you have pop or tea, choose something without caffeine. Otherwise, stop drinking it by 2 pm so that it's out of your system before you go to bed. Chocolate has caffeine, too, so also avoid that in the afternoon and evening.
Do some kind of physical activity every day - at your age this could be just going outside with your friends, or playing a sport or running around the block a few times. It's best not to do this immediately before bedtime - like perhaps when you get home from school, before you do homework.
You also have to be able to clear your mind. If you have personal problems or worries, find a trusted adult and talk about them. See if you can find solutions, or at least find a way to think about it and work through it if it's beyond your control. If you have serious worries, maybe you can ask your parents or school for counseling to help you work through it.
One of the big things people worry about are unfinished responsibilities. Do your homework as soon as you get home. If something is hard and you're stuck and can't seem to get started, ask for help right away so you don't waste time, energy and sleep worrying about it. If you're getting a bad grade, go to the teacher and make a plan of what you will do each day to improve it. Each day, do that day's plan. When you go to bed knowing that you did everything you were supposed to do for the day, you will be able to relax.
Also establish a routine. Watching television will amp you up - wrong thing to do right before bed. Using your phone and listening to music can do the same. Maybe an hour before you're going to bed, take your shower (unless you bathe in the morning) and put on your pajamas, brush your teeth, put your stuff away and get your stuff ready for the morning - school books in your backpack, get forms for school signed by your parents, make sure all your homework is done. Respond to whatever texts or calls you've gotten from friends, and then turn your phone off and leave it in the kitchen to charge - not in your room. Then like a half hour before bed, go in your room and read. It doesn't matter what you read - if you don't feel like reading a book, read teen or fashion magazines.
Then when it's lights out, focus on your breathing. If something you're worried about comes to mind, think about something pleasant instead. If you're worried about a class, tell yourself, "I did my work for that class today and I have a plan. I will do more about it tomorrow." Whatever worry comes to mind, remind yourself what you are doing about it. Think of really pleasant things - last time you swam in the ocean for example. Imagine what it felt like to have the sun and water on your skin. Every time your mind wanders to the negative or worry, remind yourself "I've done what I can about that" and then go back to thinking about that great memory - watching the fireworks on a warm summer night, or whatever you have good memories of doing.
These things take time. You can't try something one or two nights and think "it doesn't work". You develop habits over time and eventually they work.
Good luck to you.
Oh - another idea. I've found sometimes when I haven't been sleeping well, it was helpful to change my room. I might put the bed on a different wall, or change the blankets or bedspread, or even repaint another color. I think just feeling like I changed something allowed me to "reset" my mind, and then I was more successful using other methods to sleep. At 13, maybe you are ready to make your room more of a teenager room anyway.
Thank you and most of my tears are of all the bad memories of my life and how I think everyone hates me (which is true) I have a miserable life :'(
Oh yeah I can't move my bed cause it's a bunk bed built into the wall that my horrible evil dad made I'm starting to tear up cause thinking about my dad.
You just relexed and feel your mother always with you...
Just try one time and you feel better
Ok thank you
OH GOOD, for starters, get a hammer and a tire iron (that think you change a tire with) and whatever tools you can borrow or find, and start ripping that bunk bed from the wall, no matter what anyone says! And put your mattress on the floor for now. We have to give you some little ways to get some anger out of those tears.
Then we can work on all the people who supposedly don't like you. When was the last time you had a bestie?
Umm like last year everyone hates me :( and looking forward to start breaking the bed :)
Do what I do. I mentally clean something -- the bathroom, my car, the cat litterbox. I'm asleep before I know it.
OK... but it would be nice to have just one friend who can help you with the demolition, LOL!
Even though it's symbolic.
But still, tell us why everyone hates you, and who everyone is?
Well everyone in my year I'm just different to them
How are you different? (Isn't different a good thing? Why be like everyone else?)Quote:
Originally Posted by eMiLy002
I'm into different things I look different cause I have piercings emo hair and stuff like that and it's what I like and I'm not going to change for people
But inside you are a good human just like most of the rest of us -- kind and patient and usually agreeable and caring. None of us (except maybe identical twins) looks the same on the outside.Quote:
Originally Posted by eMiLy002
:) like I said I'm not going to change for anyone its who is want to be and what I want to look like I'm not going to let people just change me I might not be like anyone else but it's who I want to be
I'm not arguing with you. In two years or less, you will change how you look.Quote:
Originally Posted by eMiLy002
I don't know
Are there any in your class who do the same hair and piercings and so on? Is there anyone who seems alone? There's rarely just one in the whole class. How big is the class?
Only like 18 people and no no one with piercings (if they have only the normal ears) different girls Are girley and boys are Chavez and stuff like that
OK... well looking different and being proud of it takes guts, especially in a really small school. Maybe it's based on anger and defiance, I don't know, I don't want to put words in your mouth.
I strongly believe that anger 99% of the time is our defense against hurt. The hurt is so painful that we defy the world, strike back, go on the offense. Nothing wrong with that as a protective mechanism, except that it's lonely. Plus it can all come crashing down into depression. That's one reason why I hope you demolish that bed! I love demolishing things. I loved my dad and didn't love my mother, and I have my dad's very heavy sledgehammer, and I love using it. For you it's the other way around, but it's all the same idea.
So... tell us more of what's going on. You write one liners, let more out.
I want to share some things with you and ask you to really think about them.
First, you say that everyone hates you. Everyone doesn't know you. Of all the people you will encounter in your life, you've met very, very few of them by this age. You have not been old enough to have adequate control to actively seek the right people. For example, if the family you were born to has been difficult, you have not had a choice in that. One day though, you will have the choice to create the family you want. Think about that - it's very empowering. It may seem like forever but it's not so long now - five years and you'll be an adult, ready to move on and away from home, whether to college or the military or a job - you can go where nobody knows you, reinvent yourself, start over making friends, falling in love with a great person, becoming self-reliant, putting your bed wherever the heck you want your bed to be!
If you feel people hate you now, have you just behaved in ways that you don't think they'll forgive you for? When I was 13, man - I was not a nice girl. Well, I was a nice girl going through a really hard time and I took it out in a nasty way on my mom and siblings, especially. I had a mouth on me. Did you know that this is developmentally normal? Did you know that all the homonal fluctuations in your body at this point make it so you cannot even help being super emotional, impatient with your family and even self-concious? It's a really, really hard time. It does get better. Even if your circumstances don't change, as you work through this year as a 13 year old, maybe part of being 14, you will steadily be able to manage your circumstances better - you'll be able to ignore some things that make you feel like putting your fist through the wall now. You will be able to shrug off things people say that make you cry now. And as you get into high school, man - a whole new world opens up. Friends become more important than family, and you get to choose who they will be.
It sounds like you don't feel you have any close friends. This is really, really typical of your age, too. At least from like middle school or junior high through freshman year of high school, things are rough. As many people on this site have said to lots of other kids who have posted really similar things to your problems, when you get into high school, you can join a bunch of stuff - clubs, sports, choir, theater - whatever interests you. If you've never been an athlete or actor or leader, you can become one just by showing up. The more involved you get, the more friends you will have.
One thing you need to be really, really careful of though is that it sounds like you have a bad relationship with your dad and are feeling pretty miserable. Know that nothing lasts forever - good things (like days at amusement parks) always end. So do bad things (like your family driving you crazy, or periods when you're short on friends). Do not fall into bad behaviors in the meantime. Like, don't start drinking or things like that to make yourself feel better. Don't feel like you have to do wrong things to fit in just so you can have some kind of friends. Do positive things, make good choices and be patient. You will be amazed how much better things will get if all you do is take good care of yourself and try to do the right and responsible things, even if your family doesn't appreciate what you are trying to do. Do it for yourself. Get good grades, get good rest, eat healthy, get involved at school. You will see - every time you do a good thing, something good will come of it.
Maybe you could tell us more about why you are so sad, why you are so upset about your father, why you think other people hate you (either why you think that, or why they hate you).
Well for starters my dad has said very bad things to my family and broke bones (me and my mum) and no one talks to me hangs around with me sits by me or anything a friend should do.
I hope your mum called the police when he broke bones. I can't imagine what you went through in between broken bones, broken hearts. I also can't imagine what it has done to you emotionally, although I do understand what it is like to be unloved and to feel like I never should have been born.
No one hangs out with you partly because you don't say friendly things to them first, perhaps, and they think you don't want friends. Starting a friendship is VERY two way. Try a hi or two in the halls, just one lonely person, isn't there anyone who fits that description? You don't have to be a perky cheerful cheerleader to be liked. You just have to say one little nice thing to someone.
So... is there one person?
Nope everyone has loads of friends and I say hi and stuff and they just walk away and I do feel like I wish I was never born
Do you have a guidance counselor or a favorite teacher?
Not really
So you hate on everyone too?
No the teachers are strict and we have no counselor the teachers always move me even though I don't talk or anything and I try sit by people I say hi the ignore me and then the teachers move me to sit by myself and stuff and some people just ignore me all the time and I end up just sitting somewhere and no one says hello in my break or lunch
Do you think they have their little groups by how they dress, wear their hair, tattoos, piercings, makeup? And you are the only one who looks the way you do?
To bad you couldn't go to a bigger school! 18 in one class is really tiny.
I'm the only one and I know right!! And I don't know about the group thing
There were 11 kids in my class -- country school, three grades to a room.
Have you always been with these kids? Have you always been an outsider?
I've always been with them and I've been an outsisder for a long time now and everyone just stopped talking to me as soon as I changed like got my lip and nose percied and my dyed and cut to a different style cause it was who I was and my mum tried to get me all girly but I don't like that stuff
I'm going to try get some sleep now cause its like midnight in england so night :) thanks for listening to me look forward to talking to you soon
It is choices we make, for any action we do there will be a counter action.
You have chosen a dress and a appearance that will get frowned upon by a large groups of society.
You will not get hired for jobs because of lip or nose rings, regardless of other qualifications.
You will sometimes not get waited on at some stores as easy.
You may be watched by store security because you look like someone who may steal.
These are your choices ( well they will be at some point) to be honest If I was the parent, no 13 year old would be allowed the nose and lip piercing and would wear what I told them, since I would be buying it.
Well this is who I want to be how I want to look its not up to other people to chose what I look like I'm not changing for ANYONE
You refused to change even if changing would improve your life?Quote:
Originally Posted by eMiLy002
Defiance against the world is your protection from pain - and a furtherance of your pain.
I think many of us know it well, from our youth, and beyond.
I went straight into hippy look (back around 1962), and the school principal even called me in to his office to ask about it. My mother worked there part time, and he told me that he was always sure that I would turn out to be a JD (juvenile delinquent). She was a miserable, mean person taking out all her unhappiness on everyone.
Others I knew had it much worse, and they had their flags of defiance too.
The only difference now is that kids start younger.
And you had it really bad from the start.
I guess if you don't want to change how you appear to others, then you have to accept your loneliness. But at your age, a friend is vital to your future ability to deal with life.
Well I might just change a bit but keep the style of the emo look I might get a new piercing or dye my hair and I didn't have much sleep again last night
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