Ask Me Help Desk - Why do some mothers hate their own children

Why do some mothers hate their own children

My mom is so mean and says the ugliest words to me. She will look me right in the face and call me a .bShe talks about me behind my back.no matter what I do I can't satisfy her.She makes me feel so unloved and hurt.what do I need to do to avoid all this hurt and pain.:( :(

Give her a hug and tell her how much you love her.

Then ask her if there's something you can do to help, like wash dishes, run the vacuum, do some laundry.

Hello, Leeann!

Excellent advice above!

How old are you? Knowing that will help us in providing you the best answers.

Are you an adult? I'm just trying to get a better idea to be able to respond more.

Quote:

Originally Posted by oneguyinohio

Are you an adult? I'm just trying to get a better idea to be able to respond more.

It would help to know that.

Why do some mothers hate their own children

I am 34year old female. I am single. I have been out of a 6 year relationship and recently had to have somewhere to live.I have a 9yo daughter whom I could never say or do the things she has to me.

Thank you for the clarification as to how old you are. So, can I assume that you are out of your parent's home and off on your own now living in your own place?

I do hope that you come back to here! We would love to be of help to you in your situation!

Hi
Well, I think that you should sit down with your mom and ask her why she sais those things.
Did you do sumtin bad to her in the past?
Also, make her see that you are really awsom, help her around the house... just don't act too much like a suck up
Maybe u'r mom is just in a bad stage of her life... don't worry, deep down, she really loves u!

Hi, Jules104!

It might be really hard for some people to read what you write here if English is not their first language. Please try to use correct English spelling and grammar so that others can really understand what you mean. There is also the Spell Check that is available to use. Thank you!

I understand how hard this must be for you. Could it be that your mum wants the best for you and that is comes out the wrong way, I am sure she loves you very much but maybe finds it hard to show it to you. Do you have any children of you own?
You can not spend your life trying to impress your mum though you have your own life to lead and if you feel that you are achieving all you want in life then that's fine.
Like the others said try and have a talk with your mum and tell her how you feel, if she is still the same don't let her get you down, I know that's easier said than done but you may have to do that to get over how she is. Good luck

No doubt your mother has some serious unresolved emotional issues. Unfortunately there's nothing you can do about that ; she's got to deal with that for herself. Just understand that it has nothing to do with you. If the abuse is severe you might want to consider living elsewhere.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Give her a hug and tell her how much you love her.

Then ask her if there's something you can do to help, like wash dishes, run the vacuum, do some laundry.

I don't think this is going to cut it. The mother has issues that aren't going to be resolved by any amount of lovey-dovey behavior on anyone's part.

I am glad to hear that you would never do that to your daughter. Could it be that your mother has a problem... as in mental problem? Also, sometimes when an adult child moves back home the parent feels that they are somehow losing control of their house... and can treat there child badly... maybe it is upsetting to her if you do chores differently than she would, watch a different program on television than she would, place the toilet paper roll on backwards, or in other words doing things your way verses hers... as you would have as a child... Asserting your will with parents can be difficult. That doesn't excuse her from the name calling.

Talking about you behind your back seems to indicate that she likes gaining attention for herself with others. Some mothers think their children should love them and don't have the ability to love in return.

You are stuck in a difficult situation where anything you do seems unappreciated and that you do nothing right. Don't let yourself esteem be based on her actions toward you. Look at yourself actions, and what you do for your child, your mother, and the way you treat others. It kind of sounds like you may have had problems bonding with her in the past, and that you have been seeking relationships with others to make you feel unconditionally loved. Some people do not give that love because of there own short comings. You can't change them. Do what you can toward becoming more independent and getting out on your own with your daughter. People who do not give that unconditional love are controlling and manipulative of there own children in order to get the child to do things for them. You will never be able to do enough to earn that unconditional love from someone who isn't able to give it.

In fairness to your mother, consider if you do things selfishly or without thoughts of how it makes others feel that she could object to? Only you know that situation, but from what I gathered out of your posts, it seems that my conclusion might apply. I witnessed such a relationship first hand between my mother and grandmother for 25 years... something about your first post triggered that memory in my mind, and that is why I asked your age. It seemed like you might be experiencing a similar situation.

You just left a long relationship. You are not feeling loved, and perhaps that is why your mother's actions are even more hurtful now. She isn't giving that unconditional love that is missing from your life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chery

If you are still in school, talk to someone you trust there about this.
Are there other people in you family or is your Mom a single mother with just you?

If this has been going on for a while, she might not know how to act any other way, maybe she was treated just like that when she was young, but nevertheless she has no right to mentally abuse you, and that's exactly whatit sounds like to me.

I know the feeling, I tried to please my mother too and nothing I did worked, ever. We were both adults, and I too a mother, when she was so sick and I even cared for her before she died - but never a kind word from her. So I do know how you feel. That's why I strongly suggest you talk to somene about this and get help, no matter how many people or organzations you approach, or how long it takes. This can really do you a lot of harm and hinder your healthy emotional growth, so don't just let it happen without getting help in communicating with your Mom, no matter how long it takes. She might have problems she does not know how to handle and needs help, so get it for both of you.

I wish you lots of luck, and remember, we are also here, but a school counselor or pastor, even a school nurse will and should be helpful to you.

Don't give up, hon.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

Sorry hon, but for some reaon, my post got here later than I expected as the other posts about your age and responses were not there when I answered.

You need to tell your Mom that you are tired of trying to please her and that she needs help or you will keep away from her and that's to include her grandchild. You might need her help financially right now, and it might be hard to break from her even though she treats you like crap, but it's important for you and your child to avoid the stress. Believe me, if I did not have to care for my mother while she was ill, I would not have stayed either. If she does not want to change, then it will be her loss. You need to have and deserve respect from that woman and if she's not willing to give it, then end it.

Gosh, I certainly hope that it works out for you and your child - that's the main thing to think about now. Try and forgive and forget your mother (it took me several years after her death to forgive mine, so I know it's not easy all around) and do the best on your own and find some well deserved happiness. YOU are not responsible for her problems and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.

Bless you and good luck. We will be here to help..