My son-in-law has a very poor work ethic. He hasn't worked in several years and when he does work, he loses jobs due to poor attitude. He thinks everything is beneath him. My DD and SIL have a couple children and they have lost their car and their home. They have had to move in with my SIL's parents in another state. I miss my grandkids, but I couldn't have them move in with us. No way we would like to see SIL sitting on the couch day after day. Apparently, he has convinced his parents that it is too hard to get a job, but even when the economy wasn't bad, he had a pattern of working and then losing jobs. I guess my daughter and SIL are angry that they had to move to another state and we didn't take them in, but as far as I am concerned, his parents are enabling them. I did everything to help them when I thought it would do some good and get them back on track, but I eventually realized that nothing would get him back to work. His parents helping them just delayed the inevitable loss of their home. If losing their home and their car didn't teach him a lesson, what will? My issue is that I don't know what to say to my daughter. She goes along with all of his excuses just like his parents do. When I do try to talk with her, it is always "I know", but she doesn't do anything about it. I am just hoping his parents get tired of his lying around the house and start believing me that he is his own worse enemy. I am upset all the time because I don't see anything changing. I don't think he is being a very good role model for his kids. So is my position just to keep quiet? If my daughter feels that there is nothing she can do, would it be counter productive to talk to her and have her get stressed out probably more than she already is?

How would it help to talk to her? She knows that her husband doesn't work and that their home and car are gone. All you can do at this point is continue to love her and to listen. She has chosen to be with him, and all you will do is damage your relationship with her if you continue to point out the obvious. She can know that you love her no matter what, but that you do not want to financially enable him to shirk his responsibilities to his family. When she is ready to make a change, make sure that she know that you are there to support her all the way. Other than that, I'd leave it alone. It sounds like she married a bum and that she isn't fed up enough with the situation to do anything about it.

You need to keep quiet or you will eventually alienate your daughter. None of this is a surprise to her, there is nothing you can say that she doesn't already know. You will just come off as being a nosy busy body interfering in her relationship.

Eventually, hopefully, she will see the light. When that comes, support her decisions and never ever say anything derogatory towards the man she chose to marry.

Thanks so much for the input. I guess you have confirmed what my gut has been telling me. I have kept all the conversations with my daughter basically light and focused on the every day activities of her wonderful girls. Some people tell me to make sure she realizes what her husband is doing to her and her family, but I, like both of you, feel that she certainly already knows and I would be just adding to her misery to point it out to her. Thanks for supporting my decision it is more helpful than you know. Everyone thinks she should leave him and sometimes I admit I feel that way too, but in truth, I don't know how she would be better off. She would be a single mom and the kids would be without their Dad who they adore. Giving the devil his due, he is a terrific caring father. He deals beautifully with my granddaughter who is learning disabled and for someone who is squemish about medical issues, he has learned to give her her daily and necessary Growth Hormone shots due to her chromosome issues. It is just sad to see someone with movie star looks, a great education and a good personality to not take advantage of all of his gifts.

How would you feel if your in-laws had opinions about your marriage - and expressed them freely. I'd prefer my in-laws stay OUT of my marriage.

Whether it's a sad situation you raised your daughter to be her own person, make her own choices - and he is her choice.