So in Nov 2008 my brother was getting a divorce I told him he was more than welcome to stay here to get back on his feet since his ex-wife received their house. Well after he moved in he was hurt at work and had to have knee surgery. He then got back to work to have a motorcycle accident. In the time he has been here I have never asked for rent or anything even though not only have I taken him in but his 2 dogs which do not get along with mine. He has now recovered from his accident.

About 2 weeks ago his new girlfriend which lived about 5 hours away come back with him when he went up to visit. Not only was neither me or my husband consulted about this, they showed up with her and her 2 dogs. So now me, my husband, and my 4 yrd daughter have a few extra people living here.

Needless to say this is causing some tension in the household. Neither me nor my husband are happy with the current situation. Since he has shown up with his girlfriend our house has turned into what now seems like a frat house. They are constantly drinking and just being obnoxious.

It now seems like we are running a boarding house and a kennel all for free.

While I know my brother has hit some hard times I am at my breaking point. How do I tell him this is not acceptable and he needs to get his life together? The biggest problem with a lot of this is that he is bi-polar but will not accept the fact. So not only do I not want to put him on the streets I also don't want to go about this in a way that will cause him to snap. My husband is getting to the point where he is mad at me because he feels I am allowing this to go on to long, which he is probably right I guess I am enableling him.

So any advice on what I should do?

Your brother has already caused the rift and is the one that is tearing the family apart. So, consider that this "rift" has already taken place. You need your home back and are not acting offensively, you are acting defensively. Just gain some confidence to tell him he has to move out by a certain date and he has to respect it. If you are afraid of him, make sure you don't talk to him when you are by yourself. Have your husband and some friends there. Follow up with what you say and have it be a group effort to put pressure on him... maybe even get a property manager that can help him find a place to move into.

Thanks for the advice and yes you are correct that he has already caused a rift. By doing so if he goes off the deep end I am terribly afraid I will feel very responsble for it. Does anyone have any advice on how to approach the situation because of hm being bi-polar?

Tell him its time to go, and start packing his stuff!

He has been there since November of 2008, which is long enough, for any houseguest, regardless of what problems they may have.

You and your husband have been extremely generous, really to a fault here. You have given him the impression that your house is his house, and four dogs are better than two, and six dogs are better even still.

Extra cleaning, cooking, expenses. I presume that he was on some sort of benefits to cover the time he wasn't working due to the workplace injury then the motorcycle accident. He is able bodied now, and now is the time to let him, and his univited girlfriend, that they have until the 15th of the month to move, and move WITH their four dogs. I have a vision of them leaving, and leaving you with the dogs, particularly if they are going to be renting.

You really need to think of your own family here. My husband would not have remained silent for over a year while a 'houseguest' overstayed their welcome.

Like most people, you would have presumed that his stay would be temporary, then extend that when he had the motorcycle accident, fair enough. But, this is turning into a nightmare, and it has to stop. It is not fair to your husband, and your daughter (or the dogs).

Speak to him on a certain day at a certain time. Say, tomorrow night at 7 p.m. You and your husband tell him that although you realize he's had trouble with the accidents etc. you would appreciate him moving out with his girlfriend, and the dogs, by the 15th.. It's that simple. If he gets angry, or feels hurt, or can't believe you said that, well, too bad. He doesn't have the sense God gave him to know that he doesn't move in with you, then move in his girlfriend, then move in his dogs, with no plan to move out.

Don't negotiate, discussion is over. He needs to be on his own two feet. If he is strapped for cash for first and last, he can approach welfare or organizations like the Salvation Army. Regardless of what needs he has, as an adult, he needs to solve his own problems, and solve them without any help from you.

If he stays, you have nobody to blame but yourself. He cannot take further advantage of you, if you don't allow it to happen.

Take your life back!