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-   -   I do not get to see my granddaughter (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=165878)

  • Dec 26, 2007, 12:47 PM
    bmsteach
    I do not get to see my granddaughter
    My son and daughter-in-law were married last year. My sister and I helped a lot with the wedding (footing the bill for everything we did). This should have shown my daughter-in-law she was welcomed into the family. She became pregnant and that is when the problems began. Here is a time line:
    Finds out they are pregnant tells family
    Has three false labors and we come to all three (for one I drove my son to meet her at the hospital)
    They plan to induce and I am told deliberately the wrong time to be at the hospital (my son then calls me and says come on they are there)
    I am told not to come to the house the day they get home from the hospital, they want a private homecoming. Been there, done that so I abide by their wishes, only to find out that message was just for me everyone else can come over. There are four sets of parents: her mother and new husband, her father, my husband and me (the mother) and my ex-husband and his wife.
    The baby was born in April and I have seen the baby for a total of 7 times with not one visit lasting longer than 1 hour.
    They did not call or answer my calls on Mother's Day, Halloween, my birthday and now Christmas.
    When I talk to my son he says he is sorry and promises it will get better, but it only gets worse.
    Do I ignore them like they do me? I am missing bonding time with my 1 and only grandchild.
    Thank you for any advice.
  • Dec 26, 2007, 11:44 PM
    George_1950
    What distance between you and your grandchild?
  • Dec 27, 2007, 08:50 AM
    bmsteach
    My son and his family live about 7 miles from my house.
  • Dec 27, 2007, 10:04 AM
    George_1950
    Can you plan a special dinner, hotdogs or hamburgers, and invite son, mother, and grandbaby? Call them and invite them to your place.
  • Dec 28, 2007, 05:22 PM
    bmsteach
    I thought we had made some positive ground this week, but again I was completely wrong. I invited them over to open their Christmas presents (since we have not seen them since Thanksgiving) and was told yesterday the baby was too sick. She wasn't too sick to go to Wal-mart though. Well my son said tonight they would come over, but again "oh we can't friends are coming over."
    I am so tired of this!
  • Dec 28, 2007, 07:46 PM
    George_1950
    I'm sure you are. But continue knocking the 'ball' over to them so that they have to knock it back in some form. Do not tire!
  • Dec 28, 2007, 08:32 PM
    ScottGem
    You need to have a talk with your son and find out WHY. Until you understand why, you can't do anything to repair the rift.
  • Dec 28, 2007, 09:16 PM
    bmsteach
    I talked to my son and he said she feels I mistreat her ( the daughter-in-law), I spoke with his father (we are divorced) and he said that she said I took too many pictures when I saw the baby. I have only seen the baby 7 times and she is 8 months old. I wasn't allowed to pick her up 2 of those visits.
  • Dec 29, 2007, 07:40 AM
    ScottGem
    HOW did you mistreat her? Why not offer to take your DIL out to lunch one day, just the two of you. Tell her you don't understand what you did to put her off, but you want to make amends. Ask her to tell you what you can do to improve the relationship with her. DO NOT argue about her perceptions, no matter how off the wall they may be. Just promise to not do whatever she THINKS you have done and to try and be a better MIL.
  • Dec 29, 2007, 07:57 AM
    talaniman
    Let those bad feelings go, and talk to your son, as more is going on here than meets the eye. The daughter in law, for whatever reason, has issues that you may not understand, and until you do, I think it best to not make waves. I have one of those daughter in laws too, and they are frustrating to say the least, but trust me, and be patient, she is a young new bride staking out her territory, and authority. Let her, as putting your son between you and her, will make it worse. Let her do her own bonding for now, as any suggestions, will only be met with a stubborn withdrawal.
  • Dec 31, 2007, 09:41 AM
    bmsteach
    Thank you for all your advice. I was allowed to deliver the presents to their house on Saturday night and my husband and I stayed for 1 hour and then left. She acted like there was not a problem at all.
  • Jan 3, 2008, 04:39 AM
    bmsteach
    We were allowed to see them on Saturday night to give her her presents. I was very careful how I acted or what I said. Yesterday they did call us when the doctor put the baby in the hospital and we were told we could come see her. Baby steps are the way I am taking this now. Thanks for all your help.
  • Jan 3, 2008, 06:27 AM
    ScottGem
    Baby steps are still progress. Good Luck to you.

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