Ask Me Help Desk

Ask Me Help Desk (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forum.php)
-   Other Family & People (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-family-people/)
-   -   Daughter in law ignores me (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-family-people/daughter-law-ignores-me-607480.html)

  • Oct 28, 2011, 02:09 AM
    ladygramma
    Daughter in law ignores me
    My son is happily married to a very nice girl. They have three beautiful little girls. We live 10,000 miles away and do not get to see them very often. We call, we write, we send puzzles and games and presents but we do not see them except every year or two, sometimes longer.

    I have no complaints against my daughter in law. She is a supurb wife and caring mother. My son adores her as do her children.
    In ten years of being married to my son, she has never once called me or asked me, on any occasion, "how are you doing?" After two major operations those words have never been spoken to me by my daughter in law.

    I send gifts and cards on her birthday but get no response nor ever a thank you note.


    I can not talk to my son about it as I do not want to cause any problems between them. He would not be willing to discuss it with me.

    Do I continue to send gifts to her? Am I just being a fool to do anything to have a friendship? I am not sure what to do.
    I know that I like her a lot but can not seem to convey that in any way to her.
  • Oct 28, 2011, 07:23 AM
    galiria
    Yes continue sending gift to her and see what she love and buy it to her take her and go shopping together and then try to talk to her about what she love and what she hate and ask her what she think of you? And try to tell her we can start a new page with each other and see what's her respond will be good luck
  • Nov 2, 2011, 10:28 AM
    0rphan
    Hi ladygramma,

    What a very difficult situation for you !

    They are such a long way away,if not you could sort this out quite easily over a cup of tea and a cake.Sadly there is 10,000 miles between you, and the last thing you want to do is upset any of them,however there is a matter of common courtesy to people especially your family.

    How wonderful that you continue to send many gifts for all of them over many years,this could not have been cheap .

    I think if you mention this,being that they are so far away, things may get mis-interpreted, which could start a bigger problem.


    On the flip side, it may be that your daughter in law is totally unaware, believing that your son thanks you on a regular basis, for all the gifts and alike, therefore she would not think to mention it again... I am sure it is not intentional... even though, I personally think she should thank you herself.

    I think you have 4 choices, :you either just buy gifts for your grandchildren, in which case your son and daughter in law may question this at some point, that then gives you the opening to say " well i was never sure if they arrived or not, never hearing from you ".

    You could just continue as you have been doing.

    You could stop altogether.

    You could continue to buy gifts, but speak to your son about these issues.I am sure that he also would not want any conflict in the family and again doesn't realise how hurt you are feeling... This is what I would do if I were you.
  • Nov 2, 2011, 11:20 AM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by galiria View Post
    yes continue sending gift to her and see what she love and buy it to her take her and go shopping together and then try to talk to her about what she love and what she hate and ask her what she think of you? and try to tell her we can start a new page with each other and see whats her respond will be good luck


    You did read that they live 10,000 miles apart, right?

    I would NOT ask the daughter-in-law what she thinks of "her."
  • Nov 2, 2011, 11:21 AM
    JudyKayTee
    I think I would do exactly what you have been doing. Do you ever call HER and ask how she's doing, what's new, or do you only speak to your son? She may be thinking that you never attempt to contact her.

    And, yes, I would leave the son out of the equation.
  • Jan 27, 2013, 02:01 PM
    Clarendon
    I have the same problem with my daughter-in-law and my son is just as bad. They live about 25 miles from me with my three grandchildren but it might as well be in another country.

    I have tried to be a good and loving mother and grandmother and have always sent cards and given gifts and called - however I just get voicemail when I called and rarely got a return call.

    I do not receive a thank-you for cards/gifts and never receive cards from either son or daughter-in-law or anything from teen-age grandchildren. They are too busy to visit me for Christmas or other holidays and I am 70 years old and too unsure to drive at night so can't visit them (if ever invited which is maybe once in 3 years).

    I am very, very hurt and angry at this point and know I cannot talk to my son about any of this as he would just ignore me or get angry with me if I could even get through to him via phone. They are so very busy in their lives with the kids and her family so I might as well be dead.

    I do have some close and dear friends who love me and are there to support me when I need someone and this makes me wonder why my son and his family just don't care. My younger son lives out of state but he is very sweet and thoughtful although he is not married so don't have a daughter-in-law in the mix.

    It is so hard for a mother to believe her son would ever treat her this way and that a daughter-in-law would be so callous also. She is very loving towards her own friends and relatives (see from Facebook) and this makes it even more painful to me.

    I have almost decided to try to forget about them all together just to not be hurt. p.s. They do not treat my ex-husband (son's father) any better than me and I'm truly ashamed of them as he has been very generous towards them and helped put kids through school, etc.

    Does anybody have any similar situations and/or thoughts on this subject?
  • Jan 30, 2013, 10:17 AM
    hurtisister
    I have the same problem ever since my brother got married to this girl he has never called me or his niece. They just moved back in to town and live only 30 min away you would think my brother would call and be like " Oh how is my neice doing is her heath doing good can i take her to the park or out to eat?"
    My daughter has cerebral palsay and a seizure disorder and has been to the hospital many times over the past years and even when I was pregnant with my daughter my brother never called me once to see how I was doing or did his wife.
    Every time I would call my brothers cell I would get voice mail or something stupid I called 3 times last week no return phone call so basically now I am going to "SHUN" them (like the amish do) my daughters b-day was last month he never called to see how she was doing or sent a card. Or did his wife.
    I have sent them cards over the years never got a thank you or anything I have never done anything to his wife or him I think they are just stuck up s that think they are better then me so I am done with them.

  • All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:57 PM.