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-   -   Why do I feel so uncomfortable around people? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=303254)

  • Jan 13, 2009, 08:09 PM
    survivorboi
    Why do I feel so uncomfortable around people?
    I'm in 7th grade this year, recently I just had an argument with a person in my class, it wasn't big at all. He's not even mad at me, but lately, I feel very uncomfortable around him. He was the one who started the argument, I embarrassed him quite a bit. So now, every time he ask me something, I weakly answer him uncomfortable. I know he's not mad at me.

    I have that problem. Lets say I disagree with someone, I feel very guilty about it and won't talk to them or anyone else until that feeling is gone. I don't know why I feel guilty when I was trying to protect myself from the start. The feeling is more like a embarrassed feeling, I feel embarrassed and shameful after I had a disagreement with someone.
  • Jan 13, 2009, 08:41 PM
    vwdieseljunkie

    As lame as this is going to sound... lighten up. You are being to judgmental of yourself and putting too much effort into trying to rationalize a situation that is not worth putting forth that much energy. It's middle school. Guess what? High school will be pretty much more of the same, just a little older.

    It's good that you have a sense of empathy, but don't let it bother you so much on petty things.

    Sounds like you could use a good video game or book or a intellectually challenging (and time consuming) hobby.
  • Jan 13, 2009, 08:52 PM
    scaredypants

    You are entitled to your own opinions. Just because you think otherwise than one of your classmates doesn't mean you should suppress your thoughts on that matter.

    So long as you can support you're argument disagree away!

    You sound like a bright young person, and unlike your peers I imagine you think a lot more. For the most part other seventh graders won't look too deeply into their arguments and this can lead to "embarassment".

    Don't feel bad for thinking, it's a gift.
    But don't be a "SMART " at the same time, then you'll give people a reason to alienate you.

    Listen to the other guy too... "lighten up"
  • Jan 14, 2009, 02:00 PM
    Choux

    It sounds like you are very uncomfortable expressing "negative" thoughts and feelings. If you do express them, you can't just let them go and move on with your life.

    I think this often comes about from a mother who doesn't allow a child his negative feelings and tells the child to "be good".

    In addition, if a mother is religious and raises a child in a religion, the child may associate having "negative" emotions with being bad and going to hell. So, the child has a lot of anxiety expressing emotions.

    Expressing emotions is a way of staying healthy and normal. :) YOu just have to come to terms with this reality.

    Best wishes,
  • Jan 14, 2009, 07:11 PM
    survivorboi

    Thank you! I haven't got anything to do with religion, my parents are Buddhism, but my family isn't all traditional and all that. We just live, and try to live happy. I don't express negative feelings a lot, so maybe that is the reason. I don't plan on doing it though. I only did it because he was making fun of me.
  • Jan 15, 2009, 01:11 AM
    Clough

    Hi, survivorboi!

    If you truly know that someone is really not mad at you, then you might want to look at it logically, that why should you then hang on to something that has already been resolved? Move forward, ever onward and upward! The things of the past are just that, things of the past!

    You're young and learning. It takes a lot of practice to learn how to deal with people and to deal with how we might feel afterwards.

    You'll get good at it soon enough, but please give yourself a chance and realize that every day is new and that we just move on and do the best that we can for the time of the day that we have been given.

    Thanks!
  • Jan 15, 2009, 07:26 AM
    Fizzy Burst

    Take a look at yourself and see what your part of the argument actually was. He may have started the argument, but it didn't just start for no reason. How did your actions, attitudes, or behaviors play a role in this? After you can see what part you played in it, you will be able to find where the guilt, embarrassment, and uncomfortableness come in. It is natural to have those feeling right after an argument. Keep your distant for a few days, so you have time to figure things out. Right now he has control of your emotions. He knows that he is making you uncomfortable every time he comes around. Don't let him do that.

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