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-   -   What do you do when you literally feel like life is too hard for you? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental-emotional-health/what-do-you-do-when-you-literally-feel-like-life-too-hard-you-470244.html)

  • May 11, 2010, 05:48 PM
    eliz143
    What do you do when you literally feel like life is too hard for you?
    I'm really scared, I'm not sure what to do. I've always had a very positive outlook on life and felt like I was doing okay. But now these waves of depression just hit me and sometimes I can't get myself to do even the smallest things in my day. I'll sleep in as late as I can and then take a nap later, because nothing matters. If I have a day off, I have no idea what to do with it. I make lists of things I want to do or be good at and errands I need to take care of, which helps sometimes. I feel like the secret to happiness is just to DO things, no matter what, so you feel productive at least. Try new things, go outside... whatever. And some days I can do this and I end the day feeling great, but then without warning in the middle of certain days I'll lose all hope. I feel like I can't do anything and there is no point to anything in my life. I can't handle even the smallest setback, I immediately feel suicidal. I hate how whiny this all sounds, it just makes me more angry at myself for losing control of my mind. I can't afford a therapist but I just need to feel like I'm not crazy. I don't want to start medication, I want to beat this without it. But here is a brief synopsis of why I feel crazy.

    I'm 23, still a virgin and never been on even a date. I've lost about 30 pounds over the past year, but I'm still about 153 and I'm 5'2". I know I look much better and some days I feel confident and ready to finish what I started, but some days I'm just so angry and it seems so futile. If I mess up on calories even one day I feel anxious and guilty the entire next couple days. I'm so sick of fighting this battle it's not even funny. I've always been very social with a lot of friends and considered myself good company. I've steadily become socially terrifed because I dread the moment people find out about me never having a boyfriend-they look at me like I'm pathetic. It's past the point I can defend, I think it's pathetic too at this point. I feel years behind everyone my age in maturity and I'm scared it will only get worse. How could I ever find someone willing to deal with this emotional mess? I don't want to put that burden on someone. Not only am I completely clueless sexually, but I have no relationship experience and I think he'd feel like he was dating a high schooler. I feel like I'm on the verge of being so crazy, I'm trying to take control before it's too late. Therapy seems like the best answer to me, but I don't have the money, I'm already stressing about paying back student loans and supporting myself. I don't know what I'm wanting to hear, but I just want to feel like it will be okay. I don't really believe myself when I say it anymore.
  • May 11, 2010, 06:36 PM
    QLP

    Firstly dieting can actually cause depression. It's great that you have lost the weight that has been bothering you but you really need to make sure you are getting all the nutrients you need. The fact that you feel so bad when you 'mess up the calories' worries me. That's not a very healthy way to look at food. You have done really well, and everyone is allowed a day off from time to time.

    I think it would be a good idea to have a talk with your doctor. Discuss the depression and the options for dealing with it. Get some dietary advise as well. The herbal remedy St John's Wort has proven to be very effective for some people suffering depression if you don't want to go down the drugs route. Exercise also helps. How about allowing yourself a little leeway with your diet and doing more exercise. This way you get to eat a little more, help your depression, and give yourself something positive to pass the time.

    Plenty of people are late starters in the relationship game. Try not to beat yourself up about it. Not all guys want the experienced woman. Try to spend some time making friends of both sexes, and I'm sure the right guy will turn up. Hard when you are depressed I know.

    Is it possible to get any therapy or counsellig free or at a reduced rate? Maybe your doctor can also advise you on this. Have you any relatives who might be able to help?

    Try not to feel angry at yourself for being depressed. Would you blame yourself if you had a bad leg or the flu? - depression is an illness, not something we choose to have. Please get whatever help you can. You deserve to be happy and with the right help it can happen.
  • May 11, 2010, 08:09 PM
    DrBill100

    You wrote that you've "always had a very positive outlook on life and felt like I was doing okay. But now these waves of depression just hit me...." and further on that you've "always been very social with a lot of friends and considered myself good company. I've steadily become socially terrifed."

    When did these turnarounds first occur or begin? From the information furnished I see that you're Female, 23, have been on a diet for about one year. You mentioned a "day off" so I assume you are employed full time. How are things going at work?

    QLP, above, made an interesting observation in relation to your diet. Nutritional deficiencies could very well be at least a contributing factor and you have already discovered a key to breaking the depressive cycle, "just to DO things, no matter what, so you feel productive at least. Try new things, go outside...whatever." Exercise, sunlight and activity does wonders for depression. You know from experience that is effective, so keep it up.

    Usually, it's possible to locate counseling services that are free or at very low cost. So, my purpose in filling in some of this information is to be able to locate resources that would address your needs.

    In the meantime, QLP has offered some good advice in relation to diet and natural OTC remedies that may very well bring some improvement and can do no harm.

    There are tons of resources available for you so just stay focused on your needs and we'll do everything possible to assist.

    There are a number of individuals on this site that have had their personal experience with depression, maybe they will be signing in shortly with some more self-help advice. Look forward to hearing back.
  • May 12, 2010, 10:43 AM
    KBC
    I know that the age thing seems to be a big issue for you, the pressures are in your mind,, I hope your friends aren't being tough on you for this, they aren't friends if they are.

    This isn't whiny what-so-ever,this is very much how I have felt,many times over many years, you aren't alone,, depression doesn't care, only those who suffer from it seem to be the only ones who do.

    I have put more pressure on myself by over thinking things,, making a mountain out of the simplest things(like being cut off by a car in traffic, or looked at wrong by someone in the grocery store), allowing those types of things to ruin what could have been an all right day... my perception and reactions were way off, I needed to look at what it was that triggered all these moods,my red flags.

    Sometimes it isn't me, sometimes life does throw a curve, our reaction to that curve is our coping skills being put into play... But... there are times when it isn't just a life's curves being thrown at us, sometimes things are far more internal,more personal, sometimes there are medical issues involved(diet can be one, so can a chemical imbalance, one caused by nutrition or by something else all together.)

    If you are wondering if there can be free help out there,, yes,there is.It's in almost every area in the world(at least all the places I have ever been tasked to look), if you want to look for professional help, free or greatly reduced costs,, let me know, I can assist in a search.

    You did mention that you are stressing about the student loans, are you still a student?If so,the collages have wonderful support therapy,even the small ones do(sometimes the smaller the better)

    Hope to hear from you soon:)

    KBC
  • May 12, 2010, 12:35 PM
    Clough
    Hi, eliz143!

    Do you live alone or with someone else, please?

    I've been clinically depressed and have had anxiety attacks for many years.

    Thanks!
  • Sep 10, 2011, 11:26 PM
    joshua84
    My life is worse. I am 26, male, never have had a girlfriend, live with old age dependent mother, have no one else. I'm stuck paying the bills and worrying about her, her character is hell. Nobody would want to marry a guy with her living with us. I don't have the money to pay a different house for her.

    For years I've always thought my only solution is to become rich, in order to rent her a house separately, but I'll probably be old by the time I can do that.

    Plus my breath stinks, and no matter what I do, how many times I brush, so I'm probably stuck with Altoids for the rest of my life in my mouth although I hate their taste and probably will end up making my stomach sick.

    Money barely is enough to live day by day for me. Plus the most terrifying thing is that I'm alone. I cry when I see happy families.

    Plus, my mom will get older and sicker, I will not be able to stand it. Why was I born?

    Sometimes I just wish that if my mom is to die in the future, that she dies in her sleep without any suffering or sickness that will kill her and me of worries.
  • Oct 5, 2011, 03:17 PM
    darrendarren
    Society calls for men and women to be joined in holy matrimony, life can be good you get married and start a family you or your partner will give up work to look after the baby (babies) you get little or no sleep constantly for years. Your income will suddenly be halved when maternity leave comes to an end and you realise its imposible to have your career and children in your life. Your life which was built upon your joint incomes becomes impossible with only one income coupled with soring living costs and the expense of children! Suicide becomes a common thought!

    Money lenders for many years have done very well out of this financial gain, sell a mortgage to a couple (newly weds ideally) based upon their joint income, the hook is in! Woman's biological clock ticks down and hey presto baby pops out and within a few years house is reposessed!! Money lender has house. The end

    No money lenders were harmed throughout the production of this assessment however many families and children were caused life long distress and harm by the money lenders financial gain!
  • Feb 7, 2012, 09:52 PM
    liquidlily
    The reality is.. there's always something that you can do to try to fix your situation. Think of things that make you happy and actively try to get yourself involved in those things. If your breathe stinks, go see a doctor about it, look up homemade remedies. If you're broke, sell your stuff on eBay.. have a garage sale, literally every penny counts! You are not the only person in the world going through a similar situation and the internet is a great thing. People like to sit in their pity even when they know how to make the situation better. Go back to school if that's what you need to do. Yes, school loans suck but.. that's the means to an end.. just do it.

    We all go through hard times: me for example... I just got laid off last month and two days ago I dislocated my knee. It SUCKS. So here I am.. searching Google at 'life is too hard'. Lol. Maybe I need to take my own advice but at least I'm online reading about what to do because that's what helps me.

    All I'm saying is that if we all have these hard times, there's always a way out.. it is amazing what a person aka you are capable of. What's stopping you? Could. It. Be. Excuses?

  • Feb 8, 2012, 06:29 AM
    kjoy82
    I love QLP's response! Look into what he says!

    Now about the looking for love thing... everyone has someone out there, you just haven't met "him" yet.

    First off you need to learn to love yourself. Get out and find something to do that makes you happy. Do you have any hobbies? Find one :)! And while you are having fun with your new hobby... you will meet others who share that interest! Church? Book clubs? Like to read? Go visit and hang out at a local bookstore, get a latte and read while there. A new hair style? A new hair color? You have a ton of options :)!

    I often do things like painting my walls another color, my favorite color. Can't paint your walls? Try adding your color with pillows (I go to goodwill and find some really neat things that do not costs a lot of money!). I know this sounds crazy... but your surroundings do have a huge impact on your moods. If you make your surroundings cheerful and inviting you will feel better.

    Do not worry about being single sweetie... your time will come...
    Someone out there is looking for someone like you...


  • Apr 19, 2012, 01:36 PM
    19Accies95
    Hello there hope your doing better. I'm 25 I'm a virgin and I've have dated 3 women, all three date wonders.

    I feel greatly depressed sometimes, feel that life isn't worth living, I was never good at school and got bullied for being think, so I left school and started to work for british gas.
    I wake and feel worthless, I'm not social so I don't have many friends, in fact the only friend I have is the bar maid down my local pub.

    But your still young still so much to do, plus you sound great, if this was a dating site I'd email you, the women I dated were so boring, I once took one of them to my local teams football match, and when I cheered when they scored, she told me to sit down and be quite.
    Guys love bubbly, jumpy, loud, funny girls, well I do. There was a girl at high school I adored, she was so funny and chatty, but due to my very poor social skills I never asked her out, and even if she turned me down and I got laughed at ,at least I woundn't be in wonder.

    You keep looking, I know you'll find someone.
  • Jun 19, 2012, 09:59 PM
    Misterhotshotx
    We all go through dark days in life, I'm 20 still a virgin, never had a girlfriend, never even kissed a girl, cause of my social problems with being shy and having no confidence and prob because of my looks. I know I'm still young but I am getting older and time goes by so fast.
    I ask myself what's the point of living if you have to get old, and get sick, and be alone. Sometimes I don't even want to be here anymore.It's not fun not fun at all. I have to deal with alcoholics everyday, I have no other place to live to escape. I have very few friends, I have ADHD which I am tired
    Of fighting everyday I battle it everyday.I am not good in school not at all.It's easy for people to say to you meet the right person and start a family, its not easy, its all steps, I'm afraid and I have this fear that I will be alone when I get older, I won't have no one, which being alone sucks. But the only thing is we all have problems and we are not alone. But I will agree life does suck and it is very hard.
  • Jun 25, 2012, 08:21 AM
    Nikki7347
    Take everything one step at a time
  • Sep 10, 2012, 06:51 PM
    medic13537
    Been having some of the same feelings but because of a different reason. Have had a chronic illness for thirty years and just don't feel like fighting it anymore. I can't escape the pain.

    I try to remember these words from an unknown author: Don't sweat the small stuff. Hell, it's all small stuff!!
  • May 24, 2013, 02:44 PM
    johngentile1326
    Hi

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