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DMA · Dec 31, 2008, 05:54 PM

Someone said something negative about me and they said it directly to me. I didn't know what to say or do, I just waited till they were finished, and then I left to deliberately cut myself on the arm.

Is it my fault entirely? I deserved the bad comment and should have hurt myself for being a bad person. Or they were wrong for hurting me enough to make me cut myself.

Either a verbal attack is just as bad as a physical attack, or nothing a person says to you should make you cut yourself. Therefore it was my fault for being screwed up.

N0help4u · Dec 31, 2008, 06:15 PM

It is sort of like somebody telling you to jump off a bridge...
If one jumps off the bridge is it the others fault for telling them to or their fault for doing it?
You need to learn how to deal with things in a better way.
First it might help to understand why you cut yourself
Like is it some spite thing where you feel you are getting back at the person by harming yourself?
Admitting you have the problem and owning up to it is the first step. Placing the blame on others is just denial that you have a problem that needs dealt with.
Then you need to figure out why you do it and then how to get self control and channel your harming yourself in more constructive ways.

Here are sites that may help you understand cutting better

cutters

Psychological Profile of Cutters, People Who Self Harm

Fr_Chuck · Dec 31, 2008, 08:52 PM

They should not be mean to you but there is never a reason to cut yoursef. Doing that is your issue and you need to get professional help to stop

shatriya · Dec 31, 2008, 11:10 PM

Verbal abuse is far more lethal than physical abuse. But In your case, you made yourself receive both. Fact is, if you do something wrong, you have to pay for it one day. As you said, that it was your fault, then why this cutting and bleeding. You did something wrong, and you know it, then you should accepted it when he/she/they were abusing you, and you would've said sorry, everything would have been fine by now. If you do something wrong, then accept it, face it.
For now, make yourself strong and stop this cutting and hurting yourself, its so childish and ignorant. Life is too short for regretting and holding on to useless things.

Blogg · Jan 1, 2009, 05:10 AM

It just my opinion. It is your fault entirely? Nope. Other people can treat you badly, but its your choice how do you react with it.
You can choose the negative way, such as:
Feel deeply depressed (and make you feel unable to do anything, like an useless one)
Cut yourself or even suicide (and make your family or the one who loves you more sad with your condition)
Or the opposite,
Where you try to always stay in the positive mind, not try to always have a negative reaction like you do before. And, what do you get for the result?
Feeling better as a personal, many new things by the new ways of thinking, have a spirit for this live (yes, we only live once in this world), and still many more benefit if you do can change.
Now, which way do you choose? Answer it, cause YOU are the only one who can make you better, if you want.

ja77 · Jan 1, 2009, 05:22 AM

You can not blame others for your own actions, but it would look like you are in a bad place right now and needs some special help.. My advise would be to seek help from your doctor for starters to point you in the right direction.

I have also enclosed a link you may find to help.

Self-Harm: Recovery, Advice and Support - TheSite.org

Happy New Year.

DMA · Jan 1, 2009, 03:45 PM

The other person never told me to cut myself. They don't know I did it and I would never tell them.

Don't think cutting is bad, negative, or destructive. It is just a coping mechanism.

What did I do wrong? Nothing except from being myself. Which is enough to make me cut myself sometimes.

What they said to me, plus things they have already said to me, all built up until I couldn't cope with unless I cut myself. The days of thinking positive and soldiering on are long gone. Someone mentioned it already... verbal abuse. Do you think I was verbally abused? Person that made the negative comments was my dad... so their comments can have significant impact especially when I was younger.

N0help4u · Jan 1, 2009, 03:57 PM

You need to talk to people who spent years cutting themselves.
You may think it is harmless now but it is an addiction in a sense.
It can cause you health problems and even be fatal.
Many ex-cutters say they are now embarrassed by all the scarring.
Right now you are in denial. You want to cut but you want to blame others for your cutting. You need to realize that cutting doesn't solve or fix anything.
Drug addicts call their drug of choice a coping mechanism as well. You need to get with some ex cutters and hear their stories.

NeedKarma · Jan 1, 2009, 03:59 PM

Originally Posted by DMA

Don't think cutting is bad, negative, or destructive.

Actually it is.

jennifer1010 · Jan 1, 2009, 04:06 PM

Okay.
I have a very close friend used to cut herself and I kept telling her something is going to go wrong if you keep that up. She kept telling me what you're telling yourself 'it's only a coping mechanism and nothing will happen'. Trust me something can happen from cutting yourself. I got a call from my friends mom telling me her daughter is in the hospital because she cut herself and lost 2pints of blood. If her mom didn't find her in her room she would have bled to death because she passed out. She now doesn't cut herself anymore because of that experience. It's really dangerous and she didn't want to kill herself thatjust happen and she almost could have died..

I suggest that you stop cutting.. Get some professional help if you can't stop by yourself.. I know how it feels when people say things and you take it to heart, but there are tons of other things you can do instead..
Take walks, go jogging, paint, draw, write poetry, anything that'll take your mind off cutting. Remember don't take things to heart. STupid Remarks don't matter..

Alty · Jan 1, 2009, 04:10 PM

You need to get help, there are issues you aren't dealing with and that is why you're cutting yourself.

Is it your dads fault that you cut yourself? He may be behind some of your problems, but you chose to cut yourself, no one else.

You need to get help, deal with this and stop cutting yourself. Nothing good can come out of self mutilation.

Lialinn · Jan 2, 2009, 03:30 PM

Both.
Sometimes people hurt so bad and they do not even know the damage that they have done. And as a reaction to that silent wound you go physical because people will finally see it.

DMA · Jan 2, 2009, 05:07 PM

I wish I had a better solution than cutting. But when I feel really awful about everying, I mean really bad, bad enough so that all of a sudden I know what needs to be done... to cut myself... at that point my world makes the most sense and I am most sure of myself. About how I feel about life and how I feel about myself. In a funny way it is most comforting thing I have access to when I'm in a bad place.

jennifer1010 · Jan 2, 2009, 05:30 PM

You do have plenty of different options besides cutting; like I said before...

Originally Posted by jennifer1010

I know how it feels when people say things and you take it to heart, but there are tons of other things you can do instead..
take walks, go jogging, paint, draw, write poetry, anything that'll take your mind off of cutting. Remeber don't take things to heart. STupid Remarks don't matter..

DMA · Jan 3, 2009, 02:04 PM

Originally Posted by jennifer1010

You do have plenty of different options besides cutting; like i said before.....

I can keep myself busy OK. I cut myself infrequently and when I do it is almost involuntary. Involuntary is the sense that I can't stop myself or have any alternatives. It happens mostly at night time. Where there are no distractions from feelings because I need to try and sleep. I can't stay busy with my head in the sand 100% of the time.

Alty · Jan 3, 2009, 02:08 PM

It's really best to seek professional help in this instance. We can offer advice, but none of us can get you on a safer road. You need therapy, sooner than later.

If you can't afford therapy, or are unwilling to go, there are help lines available. Just Google for one in your area. It's not a permanent solution, but it may help you during a difficult time.

Only you can change this, but you have to take the first step. I think you know that this isn't healthy and that you need to get help.

N0help4u · Jan 3, 2009, 02:16 PM

Originally Posted by DMA

Involuntary is the sence that I can't stop myself or have any alternatives.....

Exactly why you need help... so you CAN learn to stop yourself AND learn alternatives.

v1033 · Jan 3, 2009, 03:06 PM

To suggest that someone should just stop cutting is like telling someone with eczema to just stop scratching!

I'm not really comfortable talking about this topic on a general website like this one.
Advice that I would give may be triggering/disturbing for others.

You should try the following forum

Discussion Forum for people who self harm and self injure along with families and health care advice to share their stories

N0help4u · Jan 3, 2009, 03:10 PM

Nobody is saying stop in that sense because we all understand that it is an addiction. We are telling him to get with groups like the one you posted and seek professional help to learn how to stop.
We are saying he needs to stop but we understand it will take time and all.

v1033 · Jan 3, 2009, 03:22 PM

I didn't mean that to come across that you're not doing your best to help. I think we are all in agreement that DMA should post on forums that cutters and ex-cutters frequent.

And slightly off point (but sort of on it) have you seen Secretary DMA?

Secretary (2002)