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Originally Posted by smoothy

So I do have more than the perspective of a single culture behind my line of thought.

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I don't doubt you do :) I don't want to say because its too small and people will work out who I am. Maybe you were right about the paranoia... :P

You have a dinner party and invite your husband's friends and apologize to them and your husband. Tell them you overreacted and you're sorry, then you let it go.

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Originally Posted by Goldentetra

I don't doubt you do :) I don't want to say because its too small and people will work out who I am. Maybe you were right about the paranoia... :P

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You can't even name the country?

I agree with Wondergirl... seeing a stripper isn't any less faithful than that if he hugged your sister or gave her a playful slap on the butt.

And I've done worse than that with my wife and mother-in-law there in the same room talking with me at the time.


No country is that small... someone can "work it out".

A few Principalities in Europe maybe... Monaco, Vatican City, Nauru, Tuvalu or San Marino

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Originally Posted by Goldentetra

yay just worked out how to reply :)

I can't dictate his parties but I thought it was usual to expect fidelity on ones life partner providing an open relationship had not been previously arranged.

He actually runs most of my life!

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He was not unfaithful. He was in a room full of people for goodness sakes! And to want to "speak with his friends before the wedding was way over the top. They are grown men not errant little boys.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

I agree with Wondergirl...seeing a stripper isn't any less faithful than that if he hugged your sister or gave her a playful slap on the butt.

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Seeing one no, licking her nipple though?

Would you lick your own sister's nipple? Or would that cross some sort of sexual line...

OK I'll stop being paranoid, it's Scotland hence no tux, it's kilts all the way.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

He was not unfaithful. He was in a room full of people for goodness sakes! And to want to "speak with his friends before the wedding was way over the top. They are grown men not errant little boys.

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I didn't wan tot speak to them I wanted to meet them to practice not crying. Talk about something completely different, the weather or something. Have a pint, not cry, calm down, go home.

It's funny you say they were grown men not errant little boys because my parents had the opposite argument! They are almost 30, I am with you on the grown men front.

He was in a room full of people, he may have had a drink too many, it was a bachelor party. Get over it!
Apologize to your husband and his friends so this is not hanging over your heads and move on.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You have a dinner party and invite your husband's friends and apologize to them and your husband. Tell them you overreacted and you're sorry, then you let it go.

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I hope I'm answering these comments an approximate right order...

I don't think I can do that because I still don't believe I overreacted. I'd like to believe that, I think I would feel a lot better about it all if I did. It all still feels like a fresh wound to me.

I could fake it but I don't see how that would help. I also doubt they'd come.

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Originally Posted by Goldentetra

I didn't wan tot speak to them I wanted to meet them to practice not crying. Talk about something completely different, the weather or something. Have a pint, not cry, calm down, go home.

It's funny you say they were grown men not errant little boys because my parents had the opposite argument! They are almost 30, I am with you on the grown men front.

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That is just silly. Did they know you were upset? All you had to do was put your big girl panties on and get through the ceremony.
How old are you?

Well you did overreact to the point the guys did not even come to the wedding.
You say you want to get past this, act like a grown woman and do the right thing so you can move on.
You were wrong and you need to own it. At least apologize to your husband for acting so childish.

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Originally Posted by Goldentetra

Seeing one no, licking her nipple though?

Would you lick your own sister's nipple? Or would that cross some sort of sexual line...

OK I'll stop being paranoid, it's Scotland hence no tux, it's kilts all the way.

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I've bitten my sister-in-laws butts a few times, both of them... in front of my wife and mother-in-law... I've grabbed both of theirs... more than a few times... all in the spirit of jest... yes I am that close to my in-laws.

And we've openly had a few running jokes over the years I won't even post here...

26. Yes they knew I was upset, I let them know.

I tried letting it go when it happened but I couldn't sleep, I'd stay up all night chewing it over, I couldn't eat, I'd just chew and chew and couldn't swallow. I lost 4 kg in two weeks which doesn't sound much but put me pretty underweight.

At the time I was writing a PhD thesis, writing grants for my future position, applying for an interim job so we wouldn't starve between these two positions all whilst mourning my uncle who died a few month previously whose young children were my bridal party, and mourning the death of my coach. I suppose this was the straw that broke the camel's back hence the overreaction. But could anyone give me an ounce of space? No.

My one consistent thing (my husband) had suddenly acted so out of character I was completely thrown.

So I'd kind of used up all my big girl panties.

OK I'm crying now, I think I've worked out what my problem is. Displacement.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

I've bitten my sister-in-laws butts a few times, both of them.....in front of my wife and mother-in-law....I've grabbed both of theirs....more than a few times....all in the spirit of jest.....yes I am that close to my in-laws.

And we've openly had a few running jokes over the years I won't even post here.....

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That's very different to how my and my husbands family act with each other. I would be horrified if my father in law did that to me!

My husband went crazy once because FIL touched my thigh whilst returning a napkin to it. (I didn't say anything, I was going to ignore it and count it as an honest mistake). He almost stopped us visiting his parents who we visit every week.

My husband would not allow me to play strip poker with my female friends (a game we used to play when we were at high school) as he considered this cheating. I asked him first to see if it was OK and respected his decision when he said it wasn't.

Does this give you an idea of our relationship boundaries, and why I considered nipple lick too far?

Also for our strip poker we had a down to knickers only rule. The game was to see how many items you could get away with calling clothes, and the debates over this.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

I've bitten my sister-in-laws butts a few times, both of them.....in front of my wife and mother-in-law....I've grabbed both of theirs....more than a few times....all in the spirit of jest.....yes I am that close to my in-laws.

And we've openly had a few running jokes over the years I won't even post here.....

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And the country/culture?

Isn't culture funny, one person's pious is the other person's perverted.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You were wrong and you need to own it. At least apologize to your husband for acting so childish.

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I have apologised to him several times. He apologised to me as well.

I want to be wrong, I really do. But I am finding it hard to accept this. I want to accept your arguments, but in my heart I don't :(

Is there a way to re-program your brain? I supposed if that worked life would be easy!

Were there some Irish lads in that bachelor party group, especially among those who arranged it in the first place?

I'm feeling a bit better now. Everybody has different ideas about what is and isn't acceptable. I was shocked that my husbands wasn't the same as mine. But why should I be, he is his own distinct person. We are so close that it is easy to forget this, I know when he is hungry before he does! He knows when I'm about to get a migraine before I do!

I still think his best men are jerks. They put him in a position they knew I would disagree with, or at the very least didn't check, knowing full well he would be too shy to refuse. For an imported tradition. If you know me (they've had 7 years) it wouldn't take a rocket scientist to work out I wouldn't approve.

Also my husband had specified no strippers, he knew I didn't like the idea, we had spoken about it previously concern possible other stag nights that didn't end up having strippers anyway. But he was ignored, by his supposed best pals. They have always used him as the butt of everything, promised him birthday parties that didn't happen, left him out of stuff etc. I shouldn't have been surprised. I don't understand how such a nice person can have such horrible friends (insert come back about horrible wife here ;))

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Were there some Irish lads in that bachelor party group, especially among those who arranged it in the first place?

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Nope all scots, the irish laddie wasn't allowed out. All the sensible guys couldn't make it. I spoke to them afterward for a man's opinion, they agreed with me that it crossed a line and were glad they couldn't come. I have contrary friends, they would have said if they disagreed with me.