Ask Me Help Desk - What's a good age to marry?

First saying age doesn't matter is just something nice we say. Then there is 17 young woman marrying a man age 45 with 3 kids from 3 different marriages and then we say that is just wrong.

I'm currently 29 and I been my wife for 9 minus 1 years. If you do the math that would make me age 20 when decided to play house. We had our first born I was still in HS... so while finishing High School I got a BS job as a security guard just to get pampers. The arguments, separation that's the one year, could have been avoided because we as a couple would have been better equipped and financed to handle issues that cross our path.

I wished I had listen to my teachers who said "Jermaine you are a young man...go to college there will be plenty of time to deal with women."

I'm not telling young adults to break with someone they love until the reach age 30. I'm telling them stay girlfriends and boyfriends. Make priority career and education. If your relationship can't survive this trial period, what makes you feel the marriage will?

Most high school sweet hearts don't even make it because they don't even know each other. The wife wants to be a CEO of a company and the husband was happy delivering pizzas.

Currently, I make about 34k a year; she makes 41k a year which is nothing if you live in Westchester County NY. We own a 2 bedroom co-op. I'm trying to finish a degree in computer science; while juggling taking my son to school, looking after the two year old and working a full time job. We are still paying off debt from our first years together.

When you hear these adult saying wait, wait, WAIT! They are giving you wisdom that they obtain from experience. But don't listen, we here at Ask Me Help Desk will be here happy to advise you on in martial issue that may arise.
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Gee Stylist,

It would be nice to know how old you and your intended are.

Unfortunately, I don't really agree with any of the above. But, in all honesty I have to same they are essentially giving you good advice.

In our case my wife and I met at 17. We married when we were 18. Fortunately for us our son did not come along until we were 22. That gave us four years to grow up and learn how to live with each other as well as to fight fairly with each other. That was 42 years ago and we are still together
And pretty much as goofy as when we were 18.

There is really nothing to prepare for for being married. Living together is a waste of time because there is nothing at that point in time that bonds you to each other.

Marriage supplies that bonding. There is no longer the "run home to mommy and daddy" if he or she makes you cry.

Although I do remember my wife going to her mom and dad after an early marriage squabble. Her mom told he, "You made your bed, now go lie down in it." Her mom sent her home the next morning.

To this day we believe that if she hadn't brought her dog with her, her mom might have let her stay. Who knows, regardless, we got the message loud and clear. You are married, solve your own problems.

I think the perfect age to be married, is when you find someone who is willing to work with you, to build a healthy loving caring life, and raise kids in a good home. And looks forward to the grandkids visiting.

I'm going to bequeath my carefully thought out theory on marriage to all of the listening AMHD world... Ready?

"When you can truly say that you two have become one, then you are ready. You can't become "one" until you are completely "two." You have to be completely two to be completely one. Two individuals each knowing who they are, what they want in life, their own hopes, their own dreams, their own reality, their own personality, their own individual essence. Losing yourself in someone is never good... you have to be yourself completely and complete your partner completely."

Does that make sense? (If not, maybe that's why I'm not married! ;) )

okay so I just read all of that and now I have to say.
I'm not getting married now so don't freak out.
my thoughts are my boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years since high school,
we have grown really close, never broken up,
don't fight hardly at all, and love each other a lot.
still live at home, but don't ask for money and do our own things with out are parents.
pay for everything.
we are actually saving all of my money and just spending his when we go out or want to buy things.
we both have really good jobs for our age.
we both want to stay at house though to save up money,
and when we get married not have a big wedding and my parents are just going to give us money to either buy a house or save and go to the court house and just have a wedding shower.
we both want to wait but not till 30 or whatever.
I want to be young and have kids while I'm young, so that I'm not old with teenagers.
I feel like we both act older then we are and respnsible.
we both have great familys and hardly any divorses.
might not believe me, but I have a really caring family and are always there for me.
I do give my mom a break and my family loves my boyfriend.
its hard for you to know or jugde me because you don't know me or my boyufriend or family, so I'm not sure what else to say,
but thanks for your info. =)

That you have a plan, and talk is so great, and bodes well. Working together is your greatest asset. Never lie to each other, no matter if it leads to conflict. You can work through conflict, but lies can hurt, and destroy you. There is no hurry, so talk and listen, as communication, and the freedom to express yourselves, with each other honestly, will allow you to grow together, and help you when life throws curves at you, as life does. Ironically looking back, my wife and I have many good times, but it was adversity, that made our bond stronger.

My story,

Dated a girl for 7 years... HS, college, after... wanted to marry, thank GOD that relationship crashed and burned. Were we "mature"... sure! But I honestly think its not a bad idea to wait until mid 20's... even later...

In your 20's you are still learning about what it is like to live independently, still learning the ropes. Doesn't mean you can't marry young and make it work... my best friend in college married his HS sweetheart and they have 3 kids and a wonderful marriage.

But... and this is my experience, so don't pile on agrees or disagrees... its just my experience... I wasn't really ready for the challenges of marriage until late 20's, even though I wanted to be married sooner, and most would probably have called me pretty mature for a guy.

As for the house... whether you are married or not, you can do this if you are financially sound. I've friends who were able to build up equity in houses or townhomes because they were in financial positions to be able to take action. One friend had over ten years equity, having bought just out of college, before she was married.

So... you can buy a home when you know you are financially structured well enough for the financial burdens and have done your due diligence on the real estate market. Notice I said "know" not "think" you are financially set... it isn't an emotional issue, its about dollars.

As for the family, there's no perfect answer. Having a child while young makes you a young parent... it can place restrictions on your free time and cause you to restructure your professional life... OK. Later in life can help you get established financially, but you have shorter windows for educational planning versus retirement.

So... even if you are single (meaning not married... dating is still "single" in this context) you should be saving for a home and you should be saving for retirement. When your financial house is in order, so many things become possible when the opportunity comes.

I think late 20s is the more appropriate time to get married. Any later than that would be too old I think.

Quote:

Originally Posted by baba87

I think late 20s is the more appropriate time to get married. Any later than that would be too old i think.

Just curious why you feel that way, LOL:eek: Too old for what pray tell? :confused:

What is a good age to get married -
a) when you love someone and can't live without him/her
Or
b) when you feel the need of a partner to share someone your life with, have fun together.

Have a house -
When both of you feel comfortable in the city you are working and there's no possibility to move in near future. Combined with having saved enough to pay for down payment.

And start a family - when both of you feel ready. Feel the love of a child in your heart. And have completed all stupid and insane things with your spouse which you cannot do after being parents - e.g. staying out all night.

Quote:

Originally Posted by baba87

I think late 20s is the more appropriate time to get married. Any later than that would be too old i think.

Hmmm... guess my wife did it "wrong" marrying in her early 30's.

And here I thought we had a great marriage because we waited until we found the right person.