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cozyk · Feb 3, 2009, 07:52 AM

Originally Posted by proteas

Hey Holly! A bit similar to the problem I have. My wife moved out of our bedroom 2 months ago (and into the guest room), on my birthday, bitter and hateful of me. The only reason she didn't move out of the house was because of the kids. We only talked on a need basis...phone calls were replaced by text messages. Need less to say I had a miserable time and decided to win her back working through the anger first -- doing small things for her I previously may not have done or not with any passion like getting her morning cup of coffee or packing an apple in her lunch box. I got rebuked many times, was told that she was capable of doing things for herself (the first week the coffee just sat on the bedside table till I pitched it in the sink after she had left for the day) but I just went on like a "puppy dog" (word chosen with some though). It took about 4 weeks for the anger to dissipate and then I built on that...today, while we "still have a while to go before she moves back in" we talk about the problems that set us apart.

Take-away for you: you need to get over the "anger" first. Maybe he has a good side and you can reach it by doing the little things...everyday. best of luck!

It sounds like yours was a case of neglecting your wife's needs, "you've seen the light" and are working your way back to making her feel loved and respected. I don't know what the op's situation is, but I get the feeling it was not this kind of situation. In fact she sounds like the one in need, not the one who needed to be more attentive. Going on like a "puppy dog" would just add fuel to the fire of his disdain at this time. She can be kind to him, just the way she would be to anyone that's in her path, and still maintain her dignity and self respect. There will be private moments of intense pain, but that is normal on the road to a new attitude adjustment.

proteas · Feb 3, 2009, 10:53 AM

Originally Posted by cozyk

It sounds like yours was a case of neglecting your wife's needs, "you've seen the light" and are working your way back to making her feel loved and respected. I don't know what the op's situation is, but I get the feeling it was not this kind of situation. In fact she sounds like the one in need, not the one who needed to be more attentive. Going on like a "puppy dog" would just add fuel to the fire of his disdain at this time. She can be kind to him, just the way she would be to anyone that's in her path, and still maintain her dignity and self respect. There will be private moments of intense pain, but that is normal on the road to a new attitude adjustment.

That's quite an intuitive point of view. The difference is important and you should assess the cause of his behavior before proceeding.

Crista · Feb 5, 2009, 12:54 AM

Marriage on the rocks

I hate the power this man has on you. You are caged and you don't know what to do. Is there a way to move into a friend's or family house? You should have put your name on the house too, since your married. What's his is yours and vice versa.
Know your not alone, there is woman out there feeling the same feelings you are right now.

He probably hasn't filed because he enjoys this imprisonment he has with you. He has you in his clutches and he can't let go because maybe another woman would have been long gone by now. He's power tripping!

I will pray for your happiness.

Budhabelly · Feb 6, 2009, 03:48 PM

If yo are waiting for a messiah to come and save your marriage, I have bad news for you, he ain't coming. You can take action and move on, or keep being a doormat for you husband until he gets a new playmate.

Gwynneth · Feb 10, 2009, 08:53 AM

Originally Posted by zharovolia

Hello,

My husband and I have been living in separate rooms for 3 months. We don't talk and don't do anything together. He said he will file for divorce if I don't, but he hasn't filed yet..and I don't know what's going on..talking to him is useless..Should just ignore him? Any advise on this?

My husband moved into the guest bedroom one day over a year ago. I had told him "No, it wasn't as good for me." after his usual, "I hope that was a good for you as it was for me." Stupid me thought discussing sex might make it better.

I found out he's had a girlfriend... He says he needed romance... She works at the YMCA! The Y - building strong families!

Zharovolia, follow him! Find out what he's up to. Get evidence - pictures, phone records, hotel bills, restaurant receipts. Then, take it all to an attorney and divorce him.

chowder3 · Feb 12, 2009, 05:55 AM

It is lame that he is holding this over your head, does he think that you may have been unfaithful and he's trying to secure evidence of the same?

Maybe he's secretly hoping that you'll file the paper work before him so he won't look like the bad guy in front of family and friends, if this is something you want it won't be easy for either of you, good luck.